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<blockquote data-quote="Tanya M" data-source="post: 749423" data-attributes="member: 18516"><p>He has no right to demand anything from you. My view on this type of behavior is that it's just another form of manipulation. Let's say that you did tell him "son, I'm so sorry for all the things you said I did", even if you did that, I do not believe he would "forgive" you and move on to work on a healthy relationship.</p><p>What I know about forgiveness is that's it's to be given freely and it's more for the person offering forgiveness than the one receiving it. </p><p>My bio father sexually abused me as a child. He died when I was a teen. I held quite a bit of anger towards him but I came to understand that my holding onto the anger only hurt myself. The man was dead! There was nothing else he could do to me. I chose to forgive him and with that, I let go of the hurt and anger.</p><p>It's no different with our kids. However they "perceive" their childhoods is just that. They can hate us all they want but in the end, the only one they are really hurting is themselves.</p><p>My son has made similar complaints to me about when he was diagnosed with ADD and put on Ritalin, how as his mother I should have known better than to give him drugs. Okay, just typing that out actually made me laugh! Seriously, your son, my son and other sons and daughters want to "blame" us for giving them drugs and yet what do they do??? They self medicate.<img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite12" alt="o_O" title="Er... what? o_O" loading="lazy" data-shortname="o_O" /><img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite12" alt="o_O" title="Er... what? o_O" loading="lazy" data-shortname="o_O" /><img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite12" alt="o_O" title="Er... what? o_O" loading="lazy" data-shortname="o_O" /></p><p></p><p>I'm sorry your son is trying to use emotional blackmail on you. I like you can only pray and hope that someone will have a positive influence on my son. Until then, I find it best to have very limited contact with him. As of this posting, it's been a few months since I have heard anything from my son or have seen him post anything on FB. For all I know he could be in jail again or dead. It's just so very sad. </p><p></p><p>Hang in there Deni. Glad you posted, good to see you on here.</p><p><img src="/community/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/emoticons/group-hug.gif" class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":group-hug:" title="group hug :group-hug:" data-shortname=":group-hug:" /></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Tanya M, post: 749423, member: 18516"] He has no right to demand anything from you. My view on this type of behavior is that it's just another form of manipulation. Let's say that you did tell him "son, I'm so sorry for all the things you said I did", even if you did that, I do not believe he would "forgive" you and move on to work on a healthy relationship. What I know about forgiveness is that's it's to be given freely and it's more for the person offering forgiveness than the one receiving it. My bio father sexually abused me as a child. He died when I was a teen. I held quite a bit of anger towards him but I came to understand that my holding onto the anger only hurt myself. The man was dead! There was nothing else he could do to me. I chose to forgive him and with that, I let go of the hurt and anger. It's no different with our kids. However they "perceive" their childhoods is just that. They can hate us all they want but in the end, the only one they are really hurting is themselves. My son has made similar complaints to me about when he was diagnosed with ADD and put on Ritalin, how as his mother I should have known better than to give him drugs. Okay, just typing that out actually made me laugh! Seriously, your son, my son and other sons and daughters want to "blame" us for giving them drugs and yet what do they do??? They self medicate.o_Oo_Oo_O I'm sorry your son is trying to use emotional blackmail on you. I like you can only pray and hope that someone will have a positive influence on my son. Until then, I find it best to have very limited contact with him. As of this posting, it's been a few months since I have heard anything from my son or have seen him post anything on FB. For all I know he could be in jail again or dead. It's just so very sad. Hang in there Deni. Glad you posted, good to see you on here. :group-hug: [/QUOTE]
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