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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 749506" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>I have been this raging lunatic. Trying to make sense of and tolerate his behavior. This is what we ask of ourselves. Until we blow. To tolerate the intolerable. Until we wise up.</p><p></p><p>It's cruel and ridiculous for our kids to define us by our blow ups...that come from trying to be there for them...while they do not cop to what is baseline (and intolerable) in their own behavior. How much easier it is to point that finger at us, if we lose it, then it is to take a look at what they do and don't do and taking responsibility to change it. Or at least to own it.</p><p></p><p>Looking at ourselves and taking responsibility in a healthy way leads to healthy boundaries. It necessitates self-care. It is not about falling on our swords and blaming ourselves for what is and has been. Number one this is drama. Number two it's not true. Number three it does not help. It's regressive.</p><p></p><p>How much better to change the scripts. To not engage with or be around that which triggers us. To be able to tell the truth to ourselves about what we need and what is damaging to us. To own that truth. To submit oneself as the culpable party...to search for failure and faults...how is that helpful to anybody?</p><p></p><p>I am not saying that I won't support my son but I will not do so any longer at great cost to myself. So that I am so stressed out and distracted that I act out.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 749506, member: 18958"] I have been this raging lunatic. Trying to make sense of and tolerate his behavior. This is what we ask of ourselves. Until we blow. To tolerate the intolerable. Until we wise up. It's cruel and ridiculous for our kids to define us by our blow ups...that come from trying to be there for them...while they do not cop to what is baseline (and intolerable) in their own behavior. How much easier it is to point that finger at us, if we lose it, then it is to take a look at what they do and don't do and taking responsibility to change it. Or at least to own it. Looking at ourselves and taking responsibility in a healthy way leads to healthy boundaries. It necessitates self-care. It is not about falling on our swords and blaming ourselves for what is and has been. Number one this is drama. Number two it's not true. Number three it does not help. It's regressive. How much better to change the scripts. To not engage with or be around that which triggers us. To be able to tell the truth to ourselves about what we need and what is damaging to us. To own that truth. To submit oneself as the culpable party...to search for failure and faults...how is that helpful to anybody? I am not saying that I won't support my son but I will not do so any longer at great cost to myself. So that I am so stressed out and distracted that I act out. [/QUOTE]
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