We kicked out our 22 year old son again. Out of anger, he broke a screen door, and then a few days later, had kicked a hole in a bedroom door. After the screen door, I had told him the next thing he breaks I will call the Police. Then when he kicked the hole in the door, my wife kicked him out. He stayed at a friend's house for a few days, then came back to our house to "get a few things", which meant he didn't have any place to stay. During the time he was gone, I had typed up a list of "House Rules", he must follow if he ever wanted to stay at home again.
The rules were very basic, allow everyone in the home to live in peace, treat everyone in the home with respect and respect their property, and everyone in the home work together for the benefit of everyone else.
I presented these rules to him, and he rejected them. He said "they were just words on paper". I said they were reasonable rules that people who live together must follow. He said they "are tyranny". I dont understand why these would be a problem for him, for anybody actually. They were for him. I also told him he must go to counseling if he wants to live in our home. He refused to agree to each of these things, so we have not allowed him back. He has been outside the house for the last two days, sleeping in the woods at night I think.
We have been keeping our doors locked. He knocks at the door occasionally and asks for some food or water, and we have given him some. The whole thing is very odd, really, and sad. Not even sure if we should be helping him at all (with the food, and allowing him to stay on our property). Never in my wildest dreams would I have ever expected this to happen in my life. It's surreal. Having to lock the doors and not allow your child into your house ... Why me? Why do we have to go through this. Why is he so messed up that he can't see how reasonable these rules are?
But, its tough to send him away, when all he has is a bike, a backpack, and a jacket. No money, no where to stay or go to. And, seemingly, no ability to see how senseless his behaviour is, and how reasonable our rules are. I dont how he will ever change.
His thoughts/views on things are so out there. Although he hasn't said this in words, his behaviour has told us that he feels he should be able to do whatever he wants, break things in our house, verbally abuse us, not clean up his messes in the kitchen, not turn down his music when we ask him, leave door open when he feel like it, feed our dogs even though we tell him not to, take my daughter's hampster out its cage and play with it on the kitchen island, etc. etc. etc. He basically doesn't like anyone telling him to do anything he doesn't want to do. He will just do what he wants to do, and that's it. He may obey us when we first tell him, but then we find him doing what we asked him not to do a week later. I dont know if he is telling us to go <you know what> off, or if part of his condition is lack of impulse control.
So, for today anyway, he is still hanging around our property, not allowed into the house. He has been calling friends, trying to find a place to go, but for now anyway, he has come up empty. I am seeing my counselor tomorrow to talk about the situation. My life is so messed up right now with this situation. I wonder if my son will ever get better. My wife says that he has to hit rock bottom first, before he will ever see the need to change. And that he isn't even close to that right now. I picture him becoming a street person, and me driving around town, looking for him, and finding him in a gutter somewhere, and he not even recognizing me. It makes me cry. It makes me feel like my life is turning into a nightmare and I cant stop it. I think of all the sad stories you see on the news about people losing loved ones to murderers, etc., and I feel like I'm becoming one of those sad people ... overtaken by life's tragedies. Some people have kids who do good in school, go to college, get good jobs, and have good lives. Why cant my child get even close to that. Why am I caught in this bazarre, sad plot. These are my thoughts right now ...
The rules were very basic, allow everyone in the home to live in peace, treat everyone in the home with respect and respect their property, and everyone in the home work together for the benefit of everyone else.
I presented these rules to him, and he rejected them. He said "they were just words on paper". I said they were reasonable rules that people who live together must follow. He said they "are tyranny". I dont understand why these would be a problem for him, for anybody actually. They were for him. I also told him he must go to counseling if he wants to live in our home. He refused to agree to each of these things, so we have not allowed him back. He has been outside the house for the last two days, sleeping in the woods at night I think.
We have been keeping our doors locked. He knocks at the door occasionally and asks for some food or water, and we have given him some. The whole thing is very odd, really, and sad. Not even sure if we should be helping him at all (with the food, and allowing him to stay on our property). Never in my wildest dreams would I have ever expected this to happen in my life. It's surreal. Having to lock the doors and not allow your child into your house ... Why me? Why do we have to go through this. Why is he so messed up that he can't see how reasonable these rules are?
But, its tough to send him away, when all he has is a bike, a backpack, and a jacket. No money, no where to stay or go to. And, seemingly, no ability to see how senseless his behaviour is, and how reasonable our rules are. I dont how he will ever change.
His thoughts/views on things are so out there. Although he hasn't said this in words, his behaviour has told us that he feels he should be able to do whatever he wants, break things in our house, verbally abuse us, not clean up his messes in the kitchen, not turn down his music when we ask him, leave door open when he feel like it, feed our dogs even though we tell him not to, take my daughter's hampster out its cage and play with it on the kitchen island, etc. etc. etc. He basically doesn't like anyone telling him to do anything he doesn't want to do. He will just do what he wants to do, and that's it. He may obey us when we first tell him, but then we find him doing what we asked him not to do a week later. I dont know if he is telling us to go <you know what> off, or if part of his condition is lack of impulse control.
So, for today anyway, he is still hanging around our property, not allowed into the house. He has been calling friends, trying to find a place to go, but for now anyway, he has come up empty. I am seeing my counselor tomorrow to talk about the situation. My life is so messed up right now with this situation. I wonder if my son will ever get better. My wife says that he has to hit rock bottom first, before he will ever see the need to change. And that he isn't even close to that right now. I picture him becoming a street person, and me driving around town, looking for him, and finding him in a gutter somewhere, and he not even recognizing me. It makes me cry. It makes me feel like my life is turning into a nightmare and I cant stop it. I think of all the sad stories you see on the news about people losing loved ones to murderers, etc., and I feel like I'm becoming one of those sad people ... overtaken by life's tragedies. Some people have kids who do good in school, go to college, get good jobs, and have good lives. Why cant my child get even close to that. Why am I caught in this bazarre, sad plot. These are my thoughts right now ...