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update on 22 year old bipolar who is difficult to live with
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<blockquote data-quote="MrMike" data-source="post: 606443" data-attributes="member: 16687"><p>Quick update: difficult child called from wherever he was, asked if I could pick him up and get him some food, and then take him somewhere else. I agreed, since I dont mind providing him food from time to time, and since he had another place to go (and it wasn't my house).</p><p>Met him, got him some food, and then he said he didn't have any place to go. He manipulated me again .... I felt I couldn't leave him in the parking lot of the pizza shop where we had dined, so I told him he could sleep in the tent in our back yard, but not come in the house. He agreed. He was home for two days (in the back yard), and then we had a family conference. We all asked him if he would agree to follow the rules of the house (we had printed out a few basic house rules for him), and he told us NO, he would not follow them. We asked him to leave, and have not heard from him since then (a few days ago).</p><p></p><p>My problem is this: He seems like he feels cornered when we ask him to agree to our list of house rules. Almost like its a symptom of his mental health issue that makes him feel cornered or trapped by rules. But, he causes chaos and anxiety in our house by not agreeing to them. So, to get to the problem: Next time he calls, I will ask him if he can convince us that he is ready to follow the house rules. If he says no again, I know I should tell him then he cannot come home, but I'll also know he has nowhere to stay AND I will question whether his response to our house rules is a reaction caused by his condition, or whether its a willful disobedience that should not be tolerated. </p><p></p><p>I think I know the answer to this, but it would help getting others opinions. Is his refusal to agree to follow our house rules caused by his condition? (by the way, we don't have a diagnosis yet), is it willful disobedience? or does it matter? I believe the answer is that we need to have peace in our house, and we need to be able to relax, and not worry about him mistreating us, and if he cannot agree to follow our simple rules, even if its because of his condition, then he needs to live somewhere else, period. If it's because of his condition, then he needs to acknowledge he has a condition, and agree to get help for it. Do you guys agree?</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="MrMike, post: 606443, member: 16687"] Quick update: difficult child called from wherever he was, asked if I could pick him up and get him some food, and then take him somewhere else. I agreed, since I dont mind providing him food from time to time, and since he had another place to go (and it wasn't my house). Met him, got him some food, and then he said he didn't have any place to go. He manipulated me again .... I felt I couldn't leave him in the parking lot of the pizza shop where we had dined, so I told him he could sleep in the tent in our back yard, but not come in the house. He agreed. He was home for two days (in the back yard), and then we had a family conference. We all asked him if he would agree to follow the rules of the house (we had printed out a few basic house rules for him), and he told us NO, he would not follow them. We asked him to leave, and have not heard from him since then (a few days ago). My problem is this: He seems like he feels cornered when we ask him to agree to our list of house rules. Almost like its a symptom of his mental health issue that makes him feel cornered or trapped by rules. But, he causes chaos and anxiety in our house by not agreeing to them. So, to get to the problem: Next time he calls, I will ask him if he can convince us that he is ready to follow the house rules. If he says no again, I know I should tell him then he cannot come home, but I'll also know he has nowhere to stay AND I will question whether his response to our house rules is a reaction caused by his condition, or whether its a willful disobedience that should not be tolerated. I think I know the answer to this, but it would help getting others opinions. Is his refusal to agree to follow our house rules caused by his condition? (by the way, we don't have a diagnosis yet), is it willful disobedience? or does it matter? I believe the answer is that we need to have peace in our house, and we need to be able to relax, and not worry about him mistreating us, and if he cannot agree to follow our simple rules, even if its because of his condition, then he needs to live somewhere else, period. If it's because of his condition, then he needs to acknowledge he has a condition, and agree to get help for it. Do you guys agree? [/QUOTE]
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