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update on 22 year old bipolar who is difficult to live with
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<blockquote data-quote="recoveringenabler" data-source="post: 606766" data-attributes="member: 13542"><p>MrMike, I could have written your post two years ago, with all the exact same questions as well. I hear ya! </p><p></p><p>Well, from my own experience, my guess is that as you mentioned, your son is a strong personality and within a very short time, those rules will be a thing of the past and you will once again be faced with asking him to leave. </p><p></p><p>That said, certainly give it a try if that feels right, with ABSOLUTE rules, which mean that as soon as one or two infractions happen THERE WILL BE IMMEDIATE CONSEQUENCES, NO SECOND CHANCE. I think some difficult child's can adapt and learn and truthfully, some, like my daughter, cannot. If you give this a try, I would have it all written down, as to what you expect, exactly what the consequences will be.....and have him sign it. They are experts at manipulation so you will need to be very clear.</p><p></p><p>Having gone through this with my daughter, I know how hard it is, but seriously, consider calling the local shelter and finding out if they have a bed for him. I know you were going to attend the NAMI course, they may be able to assist you with SSI, if your son is willing to jump through those hoops.......but that takes time and is a future option. </p><p></p><p>MrMike, you said, "<span style="color: #000000">Frankly, I don't want him in my house at all. He makes me (and everyone else) uptight and uncomfortable." That is what you want and that is based on your experience. Often we parents have to go through the same situation over and over again until we finally reach our own personal limit. You may or may not be there yet. Only you will know when that point hits. It was obvious to me, it took a long time, but when I hit that wall, I was then done. My experience is that if you leave any opening at all, any loophole in your thinking, your son will find it and exploit it to his advantage. Without a place to stay, he is going to promise anything, "being down with that" will likely last as long as it takes for him to develop a foothold of power to then use to intimidate and control you. My daughter could make my fiance' and I feel as if we were guests in our own home, uncomfortable in our living-room while she stood directly in the middle of the room playing Wii tennis and acting as if that was a totally normal thing to be doing while 2 other people sat on the couch trying to have a conversation!</span></p><p><span style="color: #000000"></span></p><p><span style="color: #000000">Think this through well before you make any choices. It doesn't sound good to me, personally, based on my own experience with my daughter, I would not let him back. I would offer the number of the shelter. Some folks here found cheap rooms at the YMCA or some local hotel which caters to transients, that works too if you're willing to pay for that. It's really all up to you, you hold all the power. You could also put the tent back up and allow him to use the bathroom and offer him some food, but his past actions and all of your statements make that seem like it's too close as well.</span></p><p><span style="color: #000000"></span></p><p><span style="color: #000000">This is hard MrMike, I really know that. There is no real right or wrong, only what <strong>you</strong> can live with and what feels right to <strong>you</strong>, right now. Sending good thoughts.</span></p><p><span style="color: #000000"></span></p><p><span style="color: #000000"></span><span style="color: #000000"></span></p><p><span style="color: #000000"></span></p><p><span style="color: #000000"></span></p><p><span style="color: #000000"></span></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="recoveringenabler, post: 606766, member: 13542"] MrMike, I could have written your post two years ago, with all the exact same questions as well. I hear ya! Well, from my own experience, my guess is that as you mentioned, your son is a strong personality and within a very short time, those rules will be a thing of the past and you will once again be faced with asking him to leave. That said, certainly give it a try if that feels right, with ABSOLUTE rules, which mean that as soon as one or two infractions happen THERE WILL BE IMMEDIATE CONSEQUENCES, NO SECOND CHANCE. I think some difficult child's can adapt and learn and truthfully, some, like my daughter, cannot. If you give this a try, I would have it all written down, as to what you expect, exactly what the consequences will be.....and have him sign it. They are experts at manipulation so you will need to be very clear. Having gone through this with my daughter, I know how hard it is, but seriously, consider calling the local shelter and finding out if they have a bed for him. I know you were going to attend the NAMI course, they may be able to assist you with SSI, if your son is willing to jump through those hoops.......but that takes time and is a future option. MrMike, you said, "[COLOR=#000000]Frankly, I don't want him in my house at all. He makes me (and everyone else) uptight and uncomfortable." That is what you want and that is based on your experience. Often we parents have to go through the same situation over and over again until we finally reach our own personal limit. You may or may not be there yet. Only you will know when that point hits. It was obvious to me, it took a long time, but when I hit that wall, I was then done. My experience is that if you leave any opening at all, any loophole in your thinking, your son will find it and exploit it to his advantage. Without a place to stay, he is going to promise anything, "being down with that" will likely last as long as it takes for him to develop a foothold of power to then use to intimidate and control you. My daughter could make my fiance' and I feel as if we were guests in our own home, uncomfortable in our living-room while she stood directly in the middle of the room playing Wii tennis and acting as if that was a totally normal thing to be doing while 2 other people sat on the couch trying to have a conversation! Think this through well before you make any choices. It doesn't sound good to me, personally, based on my own experience with my daughter, I would not let him back. I would offer the number of the shelter. Some folks here found cheap rooms at the YMCA or some local hotel which caters to transients, that works too if you're willing to pay for that. It's really all up to you, you hold all the power. You could also put the tent back up and allow him to use the bathroom and offer him some food, but his past actions and all of your statements make that seem like it's too close as well. This is hard MrMike, I really know that. There is no real right or wrong, only what [B]you[/B] can live with and what feels right to [B]you[/B], right now. Sending good thoughts. [/COLOR][COLOR=#000000] [/COLOR] [/QUOTE]
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update on 22 year old bipolar who is difficult to live with
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