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update on 22 year old bipolar who is difficult to live with
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<blockquote data-quote="MrMike" data-source="post: 606882" data-attributes="member: 16687"><p>Today I am doing better. After I spoke with my son, I decided that I wasn't ready for him to come to live with us yet (if ever). So, when I spoke to him the next day, I told him I would drive down and meet him where he is staying, and the two of us could go to the local supermarket and buy him some food. He agreed to this. </p><p></p><p>When I met him we did just that. After that we talked in the car a little, and he asked if my wife still didn't want him home. I told him that both of us had thought about it, and that we weren't ready for him to come home yet. I told him I would drop him back where he was staying (his friend's house). He agreed. I also told him that for my wife and I to be comfortable with him living with us again he would need to change. He thought about that, and said that he wasn't sure if that's what he wanted to do anyway, and that he kind of likes being on his own (which he really isn't, as I bought him food, and he is temporarily staying at a house he doesn't own or pay rent at). I said ok, and dropped him where he was staying. We parted amicably, and said "See you later".</p><p></p><p>I then went to an appointment with my counselor, and told her what happened. She reinforced how my wife and I are handling this, and went even further, saying that I am probably being too soft on him. That driving to meet him, and buying him food is probably doing too much for him. She recommended next few times he calls not to answer. Have him leave a msg, and let him think about things ... why he's where he is, how I might not always be there for him. She said I should not be so eager to fix his problems for him ... the problems he created. I agree with her. I told her I felt I had one a small victory by not allowing him back into my home ... which is true. But I agree with my counselor's assessment that he needs to think about what he has done to our home (breaking things, violent outbursts, verbally abusing us). He needs to get a dose of reality, and not be coddled by me. He needs to see where his actions have gotten him, and really and truly decide to change his attitude and behavior, because he knows it will not be tolerated (at least not at my house, and probably not anywhere else for that matter). </p><p></p><p>I am trying through prayer and others' support to focus on how I feel about him coming home. If my gut tells me I don't think he's ready, or I'm not ready, then I need to respect what my gut is telling me. I would be doing a disservice to myself and him if I let him back home before either of us is ready. He needs to change, and I need to change. I need to be absolutely resolute that his disrespectful, bullying behavior is not tolerated in my home. He needs to decide that he will respect us and everyone in our home. He needs to give up the bullying behavior, become a man, and deal with his own weaknesses, instead of taking them out on us. </p><p></p><p>So, today, after my small victory of not letting him back in, and the reinforcement from my counselor, I feel relaxed and am able to focus better at work. I feel more secure. I need to keep praying for strength and guidance, and stick to my guns, of mine and his sakes.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="MrMike, post: 606882, member: 16687"] Today I am doing better. After I spoke with my son, I decided that I wasn't ready for him to come to live with us yet (if ever). So, when I spoke to him the next day, I told him I would drive down and meet him where he is staying, and the two of us could go to the local supermarket and buy him some food. He agreed to this. When I met him we did just that. After that we talked in the car a little, and he asked if my wife still didn't want him home. I told him that both of us had thought about it, and that we weren't ready for him to come home yet. I told him I would drop him back where he was staying (his friend's house). He agreed. I also told him that for my wife and I to be comfortable with him living with us again he would need to change. He thought about that, and said that he wasn't sure if that's what he wanted to do anyway, and that he kind of likes being on his own (which he really isn't, as I bought him food, and he is temporarily staying at a house he doesn't own or pay rent at). I said ok, and dropped him where he was staying. We parted amicably, and said "See you later". I then went to an appointment with my counselor, and told her what happened. She reinforced how my wife and I are handling this, and went even further, saying that I am probably being too soft on him. That driving to meet him, and buying him food is probably doing too much for him. She recommended next few times he calls not to answer. Have him leave a msg, and let him think about things ... why he's where he is, how I might not always be there for him. She said I should not be so eager to fix his problems for him ... the problems he created. I agree with her. I told her I felt I had one a small victory by not allowing him back into my home ... which is true. But I agree with my counselor's assessment that he needs to think about what he has done to our home (breaking things, violent outbursts, verbally abusing us). He needs to get a dose of reality, and not be coddled by me. He needs to see where his actions have gotten him, and really and truly decide to change his attitude and behavior, because he knows it will not be tolerated (at least not at my house, and probably not anywhere else for that matter). I am trying through prayer and others' support to focus on how I feel about him coming home. If my gut tells me I don't think he's ready, or I'm not ready, then I need to respect what my gut is telling me. I would be doing a disservice to myself and him if I let him back home before either of us is ready. He needs to change, and I need to change. I need to be absolutely resolute that his disrespectful, bullying behavior is not tolerated in my home. He needs to decide that he will respect us and everyone in our home. He needs to give up the bullying behavior, become a man, and deal with his own weaknesses, instead of taking them out on us. So, today, after my small victory of not letting him back in, and the reinforcement from my counselor, I feel relaxed and am able to focus better at work. I feel more secure. I need to keep praying for strength and guidance, and stick to my guns, of mine and his sakes. [/QUOTE]
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