update on my 19 year old

[startingfresh]

Where to begin? Almost a year to the day of starting this God send of a job,my son quit. He had a work cell phone, they paid for his mileage, paid him him very well, really the sky was the limit with this job. Most importantly they trusted him and really liked him and he was learning so many things everyday. Anyhow, one day he just didn't show up. He didn't call. He didn't return bosses many calls. Ultimately boss called us and let us know he was worried and we tracked son down. He had gone on vacation with a friend and just like that decided he was done. It took us almost 2 weeks to coax him into reaching out to work and turn in cell phone, credit card, etc. I want to scream. I am so very angry and once again embarrassed by son's actions. His boss was an amazing mentor and tried so hard to steer my son and this is how son thanks him. Then of course, I switch over to extreme worry as to what is going on. The past few months I noticed that my son was looking more and more unkempt. He apparently was often late for work, his car was a junk pit, and boss had to talk to him about priorities, etc. Now son refuses to talk to me about any of it. I know all of this only because boss told me. I saw him for the first time in weeks yesterday and he looks so good. He cut his hair and trimmed his beard and looked healthier than before. It is just like when he decided to quit sports and school and cut off all his friends back when he was in high school. I am baffled as to what is going on. I am fairly certain it is not drugs. Now he faces losing his apartment as landlord does not want an unemployed tenant. Waiting on son's next step. Oh and he doesn't have a phone so I can not contact him. I am sick over all this and so very sad.

 

[BusynMember]

I am so sorry for your angst. To be honest, and I say this gently, it does sound like drugs. Drugs can be hidden from us for long times and nothing changes a person faster than drug abuse. My daughter was using meth and coke and lived with us and for years we thought it was only pot, although we take pot seriously. We thought most of her changes were bipolar disorder, which she was diagnosed with. But she has been over a decade clean and does not have bipolar. The drugs just made her act bipolar.

There is nothing you can do anyway unless he decides to change his life. I am sorry this is happening, regardless of the cause.

 

[Triedntrue]

Sorry for your troubles. Prayers are with you.

 

[EarthIsHard]

startingfresh, Your son knows he has had a good job, so, if he chooses, probably can again. It's good that he has cleaned himself up, better than the unkempt version. Sounds like he knows the consequences of being unemployed with an apartment so, I guess you'll have to trust that he'll make a good decision and get a job or go get help if it is drugs. It's hard sitting back with no cell to communicate with him though maybe it's OK because he'll have to make a decision. It is sad. Prayers to you both.

 

[RN0441]

Startingfresh:

Could it be that your son had a relapse and now is trying to right himself again? I do think that the unkempt appearance is a dead ringer - to me anyway.

I can imagine how upsetting it is after thinking he was beyond all of that. I would have felt that way too because a year of stability is a long time!

I am not sure what drugs he has used in the past, you only speak about marijuana in your signature. Many people can smoke that and function well - not my son but many can.

I'm so sorry you are worried. I just don't know what to say. I think you'll have to try to let him sort it out and see what happens. Agree that he can do it again as Earth says.

You just don't know what brought this all on if he won't talk to you about it.

Tough stuff.

 

[startingfresh]

Thanks for your responses. Yes found out today he is back to smoking weed. I can’t say that is the cause of all this but he came over to visit the dog today and it was obvious after he took dog for a walk he was high and reeked of it. I took the car keys and made him stay. Rn , yes it appears to be only weed. If he could buy alcohol he would likely abuse that as I have seen him overdo it whenever he is able. He seems to be the one who can’t just smoke it recreationally without his life unraveling. He smokes it to excess, to numb out and not deal. He says he does it to combat his depression bit it always ends up making his troubles way worse. Anxiety creeps in and feels so ashamed he stops going out. But it’s been 6 months of sobriety and progress , I am heartbroken for him and for me.

 

[BusynMember]

Every adult kid that brings us to this forum cant smoke pot. Also, everything in moderation is best. If you are high every day of your life it will affect you. It may affect some more than others but you can not be constantly high and not be affecting your perception and brain function. It is mind alterating.

 

[tryingtobestrong]

Somewhere out there.. my son is high everyday of his life. It is to the point when I do see him I can't even tell. He just seems the same. I can only imagine what my real son is like. I haven't seen him since the one holiday he came home for and was on probation. The following holiday was completely opposite... he was back to using. So very sad. We went to visit him on vacation last year and the entire time he was eating edibles ... It sickens me. I don't understand how he can't see how booze and weed has destroyed his life.

 

[BusynMember]

You have my sympathy. This is very gut wrenching for any parent. Obviously being high daily will be destructive. And obviously many young adults refuse to believe it. I am very sorry for your angst.

 

[Triedntrue]

It is so hard when they don't see what they are doing to themselves and you. Prayers are with you.