Update on my roller coaster week with difficult son

Discussion in 'Substance Abuse' started by UpandDown, Mar 14, 2016.

  1. UpandDown

    UpandDown Active Member

    My difficult son was discharged from the partial hospitalization( after got very upset and said he wanted to kill himself) last Wednesday. He was prescribed a mood stabilizer which I had reported he was willingly taking and all seemed ok. Fast forward to Sunday and he decided that he was no longer taking any medications. He spent the better half of the day, being very difficult and verbally abusing anyone who came near him. He shared with me today that it was my fault, that I made him mad and that caused him to decide to stop the medications that very day. If I remember correctly the trigger was me asking him to do his chore of giving the dogs water. Eventually he let me know that he was actually having a side effect of hallucinations with the medications and that he had not gotten around to telling us about it. So after much manipulation and stress, he is no longer on any medications. As far as I can tell, he is not smoking weed. The up and down of this is taking such a toll on our entire family. The rise to hope that he is going to be proactive and willing to help himself to another day of despair and raging. Up and down , up and down. We had a conversation about how without the medications, he now has to reach deeper into his toolbox of coping skills when he feels down or agitated. That part went well until I told him that it was not good that he stopped yet another medicine cold turkey. That it is hard on his body. Then he went off about how he was going to die anyway, hopefully sooner than later. Then he started ranting about how it was so unfair that he isn't allowed to kill himself, thats its against the law, etc etc. And then I can feel myself slipping into that dark and scary place where I am consumed with worry about what he might do. Yet at the same time, I know that he didn't try to kill himself that when really pressed, he offered that he didn't want to die at all. I feel guilty because it makes me mad that he just opens his mouth and says things with no regard to how they make all of us worry when he doesn't really seem to mean it. Yet, of course no one really knows. I am trying so hard to care for myself and stay present in life and happiness when he is struggling so. I didn't do so well today. I pray tomorrow will be better. He is on homebound education for the next 6 weeks due to his anxiety so I get no break from the constant stress. I am going to wrap this up in the same way I fall asleep at night. By listing the positives: today he is not smoking weed, today he is participating in his schooling and catching up without argument, today he shared with me how he felt about the medicine.
  2. ColleenB

    ColleenB Active Member

    I'm so sorry for your heartache.

    I totally understand how debilitating this whole thing is. Trying to stay positive and keep looking forward.

    Take care
  3. RN0441

    RN0441 100% better than I was but not at 100% yet

    U&D - So sorry for all you are going through. I agree sometimes the medications makes everything worse and sometimes our Difficult Child's don't communicate well to us.

    I think the best advice I can give that works for me is that YOU need to take control back. I found that when we let our Difficult Child control the situation/our home/us it was a disaster. We were always afraid to "upset him" so let a lot of things continue that should not have and only got worse over time. Puberty can be a horrible time for those that have other issues going on as well.

    My son for the first time threatened suicide but then later admitted it was for other reasons and that he really was not suicidal.

    Good luck and prayers in finding what works best for your son and family.
  4. pigless in VA

    pigless in VA Well-Known Member

    My word, U&D. You are such a task master! You asked him to give the dogs water. :9-07tears:

    Do you believe that he was really having hallucinations or do you think that was just an excuse to go off the medication? He didn't even really give it time to work properly. You are supposed to trial new medications for at least a month. I agree with you that stopping cold turkey is a bad idea. I always taper off any medication slowly. I even go more slowly than the doctors advise since I am prone to migraines. I cut the pills in half as long as they aren't capsules.

    I think we have to discard the idea that our children might die by suicide. I don't mean that we ignore comments about suicide or thoughts about suicide or acts that are risky. What I mean is that we cannot allow that "potential" to get in the way of our parenting. My son is 50% more likely than the average person to die by suicide. Add in the fact that his uncle also died that way, and that must raise his percentage even higher. So, what to do?

    I think we still parent them like we would any other kid. Give them responsibilities and chores. Taking care of the dogs is actually a good one, because the animals are dependent upon them. The animals reward the kids with love and affection. Ferb feeds our cat dinner, and she comes a runnin' when he arrives home from school.

    Other chores help a depressed person feel good about himself. I don't mean ask him to cut the entire lawn with hand shears, but reasonable household chores like doing his laundry, washing dishing, and :vacuumsm:. Mindless cleaning tasks leave a person feeling a little better about himself after completing them.

    Ignore all that moaning and groaning about the tasks. That's normal teen refusal. Tell your son you are preparing him for adult life.

    I think you absolutely need to give yourself breaks from the homebound education issue. He will be fine for you to go out for an hour. Give him an assignment, and trust him to do it while you're gone. You will both benefit from the time apart.

    And when you are running through all those positives at the end of the day, add to them a picture of your son graduating from high school. :)
  5. Copabanana

    Copabanana Well-Known Member

    I so agree with this. We cannot allow fear of some future possible unknown to affect the reality of the present. It is to empower the very worst in our children, to give power to their weakness and their manipulation. It is actually empowering them to hurt themselves, I think.

    My son once took a handful of pills in front of me. Deliberately. Calmly, I called 911. Fine, if you want to get your stomach pumped. Your choice. Over the years numerous times he threatened suicide, and was hospitalized several times and tells me he made a couple of serious attempts when he was away from here. True or false, I do not know.

    More difficult for me was that I had to accept that he if he chose could neglect his health. He has a serious chronic disease for which he requires treatment. To let this go was the hardest of things for me.
    I wholeheartedly agree. I believe this is exactly the thing that potentially enables them to step up, to stabilize and to take responsibility to the extent that they are able.

  6. UpandDown

    UpandDown Active Member

    interesting perspectives from everyone. I didn't realize that I was giving in to him or even allowing my fear to allow him to manipulate. Yet, that is what you picked up and so I need to explore that. Thank you for your honest opinions.
  7. Roxona

    Roxona Active Member

    Gosh, U&D. That is an incredible load to haul! I've been there with J. I've been there (but not to the same extent) with SS10. I wish there was more I could add to what the others have said, but there isn't other than I feel you pain, and I'm sending you a million cyber hugs. Today is Wednesday, and I'm hoping that you are getting a break from the heartache today. Peace.
  8. New Leaf

    New Leaf Well-Known Member

    I agree, yup, walked on eggshells a lot of the time with our two, and they weren't even teenagers.
    Ended up in the long run, fortifying the bad behavior.

    Expectations, contributing and boundaries are a way of life.
    It is the real world. Everyone has to learn this.

    These kids are very good at manipulating the situation to their comfort, while everyone else is uncomfortable.
    They are so very clever.
    Keep up your good attitude and draw those lines.
    Hang in there and take time for yourself to rebuild!
    Be good and kind to yourself, too!