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Update son - relapse
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 762361" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>Dear Helpless</p><p></p><p>Helpless, is there any word? What a worry! Your son is causing all of us to pull out our hair. He has so many strengths and (positive) qualities and as yet he uses them to get himself into messes. He will have to work this out himself.</p><p></p><p>You may have noticed I am not posting hardly at all. Part of this is that I am very busy, but as much or more, I have pulled way, way back out of my son's life. In so doing, two things have happened.</p><p></p><p>One, my son is solving his problems himself. I DO NOT LIKE how he lives, but due to a variety of things, I realize it is NONE OF MY BUSINESS. I feel sad and I worry but the end result is that while I feel helpless with respect to him, I no longer feel helpless over myself and my own life.</p><p></p><p>Second, he has pulled way back from me, sadly. He was in my town, and when M told him he would have to call me to ask whether he could re-enter the home where they both live, (he had left the area), he did not call, nor did he return, and it seems he has left town altogether. So the end result is that we're not in touch at all, and I am sad and miss him.</p><p></p><p>But I do not miss the chaos and being out of control and having my life determined by what he does or does not do, or what he is or is not. I guess I accept now, not just that I don't have control, but that he's another person who lives a separate, independent life, and the benefit of that is that I have a separate and independent life, too. I have come a very long way since I joined this forum. RN and others might remember. I remember RN would as if shake her head, and write, "are we trying this same (hopeless) thing yet one more time?"</p><p></p><p>RN, I am happy for you and your husband that you are going back home, and he is escaping a toxic work situation. I have vicariously enjoyed your making a new life in the South, with your beautiful home. How does it feel to be leaving there?</p><p>PS I think it's probably a good time to be selling your house!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 762361, member: 18958"] Dear Helpless Helpless, is there any word? What a worry! Your son is causing all of us to pull out our hair. He has so many strengths and (positive) qualities and as yet he uses them to get himself into messes. He will have to work this out himself. You may have noticed I am not posting hardly at all. Part of this is that I am very busy, but as much or more, I have pulled way, way back out of my son's life. In so doing, two things have happened. One, my son is solving his problems himself. I DO NOT LIKE how he lives, but due to a variety of things, I realize it is NONE OF MY BUSINESS. I feel sad and I worry but the end result is that while I feel helpless with respect to him, I no longer feel helpless over myself and my own life. Second, he has pulled way back from me, sadly. He was in my town, and when M told him he would have to call me to ask whether he could re-enter the home where they both live, (he had left the area), he did not call, nor did he return, and it seems he has left town altogether. So the end result is that we're not in touch at all, and I am sad and miss him. But I do not miss the chaos and being out of control and having my life determined by what he does or does not do, or what he is or is not. I guess I accept now, not just that I don't have control, but that he's another person who lives a separate, independent life, and the benefit of that is that I have a separate and independent life, too. I have come a very long way since I joined this forum. RN and others might remember. I remember RN would as if shake her head, and write, "are we trying this same (hopeless) thing yet one more time?" RN, I am happy for you and your husband that you are going back home, and he is escaping a toxic work situation. I have vicariously enjoyed your making a new life in the South, with your beautiful home. How does it feel to be leaving there? PS I think it's probably a good time to be selling your house! [/QUOTE]
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