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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember1" data-source="post: 760472" data-attributes="member: 23706"><p>Hi, friend. I am so sorry for all these setbacks. It hurts our hearts. I honestly think it is harder on us at times. Treat yourself well. This is so important. Do so even when you don't think you can....because you can.</p><p></p><p>Addicts, when in active addiction, self sabotage. Always. It is a big part of the horrible disease of addiction that only THEY can can reign in. In Nar Anon we have something called the 3 Cs and they are so right. Here they are: We did not CAUSE it (,we didn't!), we can't CONTROL it (not at all), and we can't CURE it (it is a chronic illness...the addict must choose sobriety and stop using.) Cause, Control, Cure. These things are not about us.</p><p></p><p>But while the addict is using, destruction is what he does. There is no reasoning ability. They destroy everything. They are not thinking ",I care about my future" or "Mom will be worried" or "This family is good to me so I can't ruin it." They are not thinking one moment ahead.</p><p></p><p>Moving an hour away from him isn't far and will neither help nor hurt him since he alone has to get sober. His sobriety is the key. It has nothing to do with his girlfriend, his job, this family....it is all about him, not them. Nobody forced him to use. Life is hard. They can't relapse over every difficulty or they will never stay clean. Ever. When is life always stress free? Never.</p><p></p><p>His age is on his side. But that doesn't mean he will or won't decide to be sober now. Some quit at 21 forever. One I know quit strangely when his remaining parent died...38...and has been sober since for 33 years. He has not so much as taken a sip of beer in all this time. Nothing. He still attends NA meetings to help others and himself. It is very hard decision a person makes and once the person is serious, he or she does it, no matter how hard it is. And sustaining is hard too. But they do. Or not. Wish we had crystal balls.</p><p></p><p>Do not plan your life based on whether your son is doing better or worse. It won't affect him. Maybe join Nar Anon or get therapy to help you do life well even with an addicted beloved child. That is YOUR recovery, not to implode because of his addiction. It is also hard but it is doable. 90 percent of the time, we are finally happy and in our recovery.</p><p></p><p>Being good to yourself is a wonderful example to show your son. That is giving him the best gift you can. It is all you can do for him. Set a good example.</p><p></p><p>I send you prayers and lots of love. You can do this.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember1, post: 760472, member: 23706"] Hi, friend. I am so sorry for all these setbacks. It hurts our hearts. I honestly think it is harder on us at times. Treat yourself well. This is so important. Do so even when you don't think you can....because you can. Addicts, when in active addiction, self sabotage. Always. It is a big part of the horrible disease of addiction that only THEY can can reign in. In Nar Anon we have something called the 3 Cs and they are so right. Here they are: We did not CAUSE it (,we didn't!), we can't CONTROL it (not at all), and we can't CURE it (it is a chronic illness...the addict must choose sobriety and stop using.) Cause, Control, Cure. These things are not about us. But while the addict is using, destruction is what he does. There is no reasoning ability. They destroy everything. They are not thinking ",I care about my future" or "Mom will be worried" or "This family is good to me so I can't ruin it." They are not thinking one moment ahead. Moving an hour away from him isn't far and will neither help nor hurt him since he alone has to get sober. His sobriety is the key. It has nothing to do with his girlfriend, his job, this family....it is all about him, not them. Nobody forced him to use. Life is hard. They can't relapse over every difficulty or they will never stay clean. Ever. When is life always stress free? Never. His age is on his side. But that doesn't mean he will or won't decide to be sober now. Some quit at 21 forever. One I know quit strangely when his remaining parent died...38...and has been sober since for 33 years. He has not so much as taken a sip of beer in all this time. Nothing. He still attends NA meetings to help others and himself. It is very hard decision a person makes and once the person is serious, he or she does it, no matter how hard it is. And sustaining is hard too. But they do. Or not. Wish we had crystal balls. Do not plan your life based on whether your son is doing better or worse. It won't affect him. Maybe join Nar Anon or get therapy to help you do life well even with an addicted beloved child. That is YOUR recovery, not to implode because of his addiction. It is also hard but it is doable. 90 percent of the time, we are finally happy and in our recovery. Being good to yourself is a wonderful example to show your son. That is giving him the best gift you can. It is all you can do for him. Set a good example. I send you prayers and lots of love. You can do this. [/QUOTE]
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