(vent) Are men just stupid or what?

[Mom2oddson]

I know it's a rhetorical question. I'm just so mad at husband. I can't figure out if he's stupid or just weak when it comes to his mommy!

difficult child-S called him yesterday saying that EG wanted to talk to him. husband calls EG and then tells me about the conversation and when I respond any other way then he did gets mad at me for being unreasonable.

See, EG wanted to know if husband had any problems with them claiming difficult child-S on their taxes even though they've only had her since Aug 21st. Of course, husband says "no problem"...Ummmm, we were border-line having to owe before this. It's still no big deal husband tells me. Oh and EG wants us to unblock her number from husband's phone. He says "sure".... any time he can get to a computer, figure out how to USE one and guess the password for the cell-phone site, he can have a happy.

Like I said, I can't figure out if he's just stupid or so weak when it comes to his mommy. Oh, and he had to tell me how nice she was on the phone... Well, Duh...you gave her everything she wants.

Thanks for letting me vent. It's not helping lower my blood-pressure though. Why I still let this doo-doo send my heart-rate up so much, I'll never get.

 

[Shari]

Sorry.

 

[Mom2oddson]

After 13 years I should of known that this would happen. This is just husband and EG's relationship. She says jump and he asks how high.

I guess it's just harder this time because he actually stood-up to her on Christmas and didn't jump. I thought he'd made a big step forward. Must of missed the 2-steps back somewhere.

My blood-pressure is coming down. It helped when my friend pointed out that if she had offered to take difficult child-S off my hands but I had to give her the tax credit, I'd have jumped at the offer. Which is true. Since I can't change EG, I'm changing my perspective on the situation and now think a tax credit is worth the price of peace in my life.

 

[Shari]

Good for your friend.

In dealing with the difficult child's, I have found that the setbacks are almost harder than when its a day-to-day thing. You get almost hopeful that things are better, then when that shoe falls and the poo hits the fan, its a huge let down... again.

Hopefully husband will get back on the ix-nay the om-may wagon soon.

 

[witzend]

I'm glad that your friend was able to help you change your perspective. She sounds like a good friend to have! It might be a good way to have a conversation with husband about looking at things from the other side and seeing that there are different points of view.

(by the way, when I saw the title of your post, I was just going to answer "yes", and leave it at that!)

 

[Mom2oddson]

easy child said in his psychiatric class that they learned the term "Learned Helplessness" and that is what husband has. This is a learned behavior with his Mom. It's how all the boys act around her and the baby brother is 38.

What gets me the most is that husband leaves me out of the loop. I would love it if he'd learn to say "Let me think about X and get right back to you". Then call me and at least let me give voice to X BEFORE it is a done deal. Figure that will take oh...about 30 or 40 years before he will even understand the concept of including me in things that involve me.

And my friend is a very good friend. Her children aren't difficult children but her husband is for sure. So she can understand.

 

[muttmeister]

The answer to your question is "yes."