I feel for you. My son is not quite 17 yet. I’m divorced and have 2 boys. The younger (13) lives with my ex wife and the older with me in my 2 br apartment. Due to the extremely strained nature of our relationship (we barely communicate and almost exclusively via text msg when we do, we’ve had police/cfs involvement, he lies, uses, completely ignores school, etc) I have no trust in him at all. I have a lock on my bedroom door. I have a wifi cam so I know who is coming and going when i’m out. Basically, I live in a constant state of unease. I can’t really do anything without considering what the consequence might be with regards to him. Can’t go out without worrying about what he’s doing at home. Can’t have friends over because he’s such an angry, unpleasant agitator that it makes it impossible for me to relax.
But, I still try and be a reasonable person and I make an effort to not sweat the small stuff. I no longer even bother trying to get him to do anything. I just let him lay around his room watching Netflix all day. Once a week or so I wait for him to go out and I go in and clean his utter, embarrassing pig sty of a room. I mean if I don’t i’m going to end up living in a stinky bug-infested shithole. He doesn’t want me going in his room. Basically his position is that if i’m Allowed into his room then he’s allowed in mine. Last night, when he arrived home to find i’d been in his room (fairly obvious since all the dirty clothes and garbage was picked up and the piles of chip crumbs and dirty dishes were all gone plus his little dope stash which i’d found under his bed was sitting on top of his bed) he flipped and decided to try and kick my locked bedroom door open. That lead to a little tussle between he and I and he ended up over at my ex wife’s for the night - which just leads to more stress for me because I don’t want him around my younger son.
He has a girlfriend. They’ve been a thing for over a year. I let him have her over one or 2 times a week (even though I hate it because it’s a pita for me) but the rule is she isn’t allowed to be there when i’m not home. The problem of course is that there’s a nearly 3 hour window of time between the end of school and my arrival home from work...and he’s recently started bringing her home right after school instead of hanging out elsewhere until I get home. We’ve had it out now once as a consequence but i’m sure it will be an ongoing issue.
At this point, I would absolutely love it if I could call the police and tell them to take him somewhere. I don’t care where. Honestly, i’d be happy if he ran away and lived on the street. Well, maybe “happy” is the wrong word. I don’t want things to be this way, but he is a completely unreasonable, 100% self-interested nightmare of a human being who makes almost every waking minute of my day miserable. Basically it’s like living with and having to support your worst enemy - an angry, hateful enemy who lacks any conscience or self-control and who has a really bizarre, unrealistic perspective on the nature of his position in the relationship. He seems to firmly believe his rights and privileges as a not even 17 year old kid living under my roof are the same as my rights and privileges.
But the police won’t do anything. I live in a city that happens to have a large population of racially distinct people who sadly are the primary focus of the local family services. They look around and see my nice apartment and general circumstances compared to the members of that troubled population and it’s fairly obvious that the best place for my son is with me. Things are going to have to reach a very bad state before anything might happen in that regard - very bad indeed. I’m not rich, but i’ve managed to set up a really comfortable little place for us to live. If you had told me 2 years ago I’d be sharing a modest 2br apartment with my older boy, I’d have said “nope. That won’t work. One of us will be dead in a week.” But, I’ve managed to make it work for about 5 months now, no thanks to him in any way. I don’t know how much longer that will be the case.
off and giving me the finger and making me late for work for the umpteenth time) and cfs did investigate me for “abuse.” That file was closed a couple weeks later as they found no evidence of such. The police arrive. They settle things down. They leave. My son remains with me and the cycle begins anew. 
We were the uncool, unpopular parents.
