Wedding weirdos

[Nomad]

our friendship with another couple has been a little strained largely due to being invited very last minute to their son’s wedding. Some odd circumstances. Hurtful. I’ve posted before.

Their daughter (healthy) has been long term friends with ours who is a Difficult Child. Friend is engaged. She told me herself that she is considering asking our daughter to be in the wedding. Asked my opinion. I said it should be ok and that I would help...making sure her medications are ideal etc.

In the mean time I know full well her parents are against this idea. Seems her parents put their foot down. The mom (my friend) came out and told me they do not want our daughter in the wedding, but would like to give her a job to do (at the wedding) so she feels a part of the activities and in honor of their friendship.

I’m a little hurt, but understand a tiny bit. I’m conflicted and pained by it all.

I can understand to a certain extent since they e known our daughter for decades and have heard some strange stories. But they do seem like bullies.

What recent things have revealed to us with them is a lot of superficiality, pretence etc.

But I tell ya, if they do not give her a job to do to feel part of the wedding...something to make her feel special (this was the idea of the parents ...our friends) then I will be furious.

Would you? Is all this bizarre as heck?

PS Due to the personal nature of this there is a small chance I may ask for this thread to be removed.

 

[Triedntrue]

This is a tough one i can see both sides. My younger son refused to have my difficult child at his wedding. He moved out of state because he doesn't want him in his life. That is his brother. It upset me but it was his wedding. However your daughters friend is the bride and it was her wish that your daughter be in the wedding. It is her decision not her parents. Since it was there idea to give her a job i think they should carry through. I looked back but wasn't able to find what your daughters diagnosis was. Are they afraid of a scene of some sort?

 

[Nomad]

She is bipolar and medication compliant.
For some interesting reason she does extremely well around this friend from childhood. Never any issues.
Not sure what they are afraid of...maybe that our daughter would be overly emotional or argue with someone. It’s mostly understandable.
She has shown (overall) improvement this last year with mood swings.
I empathize with the parents and and therefore haven’t said much. The friend and her parents are very aware of strange behaviors over the years.
They (the parents of the bride) did some far out things in a previous family wedding and therefore we are uptight.
Appearances and pretenses are everything to them. They have many bizarre secrets.
Our daughter is also very heavy and no doubt this bothers them a lot.
My husband is concerned they will not follow through on giving her a job to do. I feel like that would just hurt too much. Silly to worry ahead of time, BUT, this is the one healthy plus long term friend she has. She is a Difficult Child, but has a good heart and doesn’t deserve to be treated poorly. I think following through on this job concept is very important. Not fully trusting these folks.

 

[Tanya M]

WOW! I feel sorry for the bride. This should be about her and her day. If she wanted your daughter to be in the wedding then she should be in it. From what I can glean from this, the parents are more concerned with how things "look" to others than they are about their daughters wishes. Just sad!
I don't blame you for feeling the way you do.
I went to a wedding where the best man had autism and during the ceremony and reception he would make strange noises and hit himself in the chest. I remember thinking how wonderful that the groom and bride did not care what people would think.
A wedding should be about the couple getting married and what their wishes are but all too often the parents of the bride and groom can be very controlling with the excuse of "we're paying for this".
I do hope they will do something to include your daughter.

 

[BusynMember]

Nomad, are these people really friends? How awful of them to override their daughter's wishes on HER day. We have never told our daughter one thing about what she has to do at her own wedding. We are paying, yes, but this is a gift to her, about her, to launch her new marriage and because we love her. A few of the women in her wedding party are beautiful souls who are too heavy....SO WHAT???

I dont think your daughter should be treated this way either. She is doing her best to control her bipolar and you said she has a good heart. The bride wants her in her wedding party. in my opinion the parents are out of line to be sticking their noses into their daughter's wishes for her special day. Is it her day or their day??

Nomad, you seem kind and caring. Maybe you trust easily. Please guard your precious heart with these people. They sound very superficial and controlling. It is easy for nice folks like you to get hurt by controlling people. Your daughter needs TLC with these people too. I give your daughter kudos for complying with her medications. So many people wont.

Light and love.

 

[Nomad]

They tried to take over to a certain extent at the other wedding, but the bride’s family was paying for it and I suspect there was conflict. It (odd behaviors) sure left us in a “state.”

In this case, ironically, I definitely empathize. I feel sorrow and conflict for all involved.

This will likely result in a follow up.

Hubby says since the twists and turns at the other wedding was so bizarre and image was EVERYTHING to these folks, I shouldn’t be surprised if they change their minds about giving her a job or even inviting us at all. Omg.

Friend (the mom) told me the date in April. It is out of state nine months away.

When should I anticipate a “save the date” card?

I guess the last wedding experience with them was so stressful and disappointing, it’s hard for me not to
expect more of the same and I certainly don’t want our daughter hurt needlessly.