Wee is absolutely falling apart at school

[Shari]

He's had more behaviors in the past week with the SpEd teacher than he's had all year. He keeps worrying about school being out, which I think has him on edge, anyway, and he's just falling apart right and left.

The aid they hired for him is no longer dedicated just to him...she's the only aid that works with him, but she's gone much of the day with other kids when he's with the sped teacher. And she seems to be reverting in her skills to work with him, too. Nothing major, but when he's already on edge, her being "off" too just isn't a working combination.

SpEd teacher has been the glue that's made this year work...right now, its really hard to even consider going forward again without her. All I can think of is juvie juvie juvie...we're gonna end up with juvie in our back pocket.

 

[TeDo]

That would definitely be something to bring up to the IEP team. If that is an issue for him, it is something that should be specified in his IEP that he have a "child-specific para". You have the proof based on how the rest of the year for him before they "farmed" the para out to other kids.

 

[exhausted]

This is detachment-I always have trouble with regressing behaviors at the end of school with the kids I have the closest bond. Its hard for them to let go. They don't know how things are going to be next year. If your worried not having her-double that for Wee. Hang in there.

 

[Shari]

We got home tonight and he intermittently offered excuses for his behavior along with fake tears and apologies. They were fake tho.

And then he let loose with a sob and tears that either is an oscar winning performance or was very real. Between sobs, he said "I had to leave Mrs. A (first sped teacher). Then I loved Mrs B (second sped teacher) and she left. I love Mrs C (this year's sped teacher) and I'm afraid she's going to leave me, too!"

And he doesn't even know she's leaving yet....ugh.

TeDo, they absolutely refuse, even WITH all the supporting info, to write a consistent para as an accomodation in his IEP. The lawyer refused and I called DESE, and they said they don't have to...its a "staffing issue" and an IEP can't get into staffing issues. However, the Sped teacher was left to write his BIP and some sections of his IEP, and she wrote it in there several times, so I think if it comes down to it, I can get it. But it doesn't help right now.

 

[TeDo]

I feel very sorry for him. My difficult child went through similar "abandonments" but not in school. His fear of abandonment runs very deep. I try to keep telling my difficult child that things change in life all the time and empathize with how hard it is when we like someone so much. I am constantly reminding him that as much as we would like to, we can't control what other people do with their lives. That is a fact of life but that I will be there to help him as much as I can until the day I die. It isn't easy but it is the best I can do. Then I let him cry on my shoulder while I give him a good, long hug.

HUGS to you both. Life hoovers sometimes.

 

[Shari]

Yeah, it stinks. Wee also has a "disordered attachement" diagnosis (not full blown Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD)), and while he's never been abandoned, he does fit all those criteria to a "T". And this feeds right into it...poor kid.

 

[shellyd67]

We have been going thru some similiar issues here too. difficult child's teacher said "difficult child just shut down" he is done for the year. He puts forth no effort, etc...

Sigh ...

I know myself that this time of the year we all want school to be over ! But come August I cannot wait for it to start again ... LOL

Is it possible he "overheard" the teacher discuss her leaving and that may be causing him to be on edge?

 

[Shari]

Yes, entirely possible I think we'll need to "come clean" about her leaving soon. Its public knowledge, and while I don't think he's heard anything definitive, he may well have heard conversation that "leans" that way.

 

[Jena]

just jumping in, wanted to say sorry

great idea to just anti up, tell him and handle his emtions that follow. i always find end of year and beginning and spring to be the hardest for our kids....... besides what he has to handle now. such b.s. they want give him one para.

((Hugs))

 

[Shari]

Actually, he usually falls apart in Nov. and starts coming out of it now, but hey....it would have been worse in Nov when I was stuck in that blessed chair all winter to have had to deal with this, too. Oh well. Will see what his teacher wants to do with it. We'll talk tomorrow and figure something out. I hope that him knowing she will remain in fairly close contact will help.

 

[susiestar]

I was going to ask if there was a way to see her over the summer. Sometimes that can be a big help. I am so sorry. This is probably all very scary to him and his behaviors are a result of that. have you ever gotten a doctor to address his anxiety? I hate to suggest anxiety medications at such a young age, but in my opinion it may be the way to go. Short term at least, but long term will problem also be needed. Much of his problems seem rooted in anxiety to me. Add it the autistic traits and they hare a super hard time, esp with social stuff.

Biofeedback and hypnosis and guided meditation may also help, along with a regular therapist taht you both can work with. I wish I could bottle up one therapist we had and share her with you. She truly "got" the kids and how hard it was for us parents.

I really HATE your school. All of them. Isn't there a school nearby that is for kids with problems? I know at one point they told you that there was nothing else they could do to send him there, but I don't know if you spoke to the school directly. I have a feeling that they were lying to you about not being able to send him there. Just the way the superintendent was with you at the time, Know what I mean?? So maybe you should call to see what can be done to get him sent there next year?? If you start now you might be able to. I just truly HATE your school - they seem to want to do everything to make him unable to cope and then send him to juvie. Let me know if I can help in any way. even making phone calls if you are at work or whatever. Or online research into options in your area. Would need your address, school district, etc... to do that.

 

[Shari]

Interesting thing, Susie. Well, a couple. I have thought for a long time that a lot of his behaviors stem from anxiety. And a lot of his anxiety stems from not knowing/understanding what is going on around him. If he knows, he can deal. If he doesn't, he can't. And I think that's what we're seeing right now. As much as I dislike the principal, she's leaving at the end of the year, and Wee is upset about that. And he doesn't even know his sped teacher is leaving, too. But she has become a friend, and I really expect to keep in close contact with her.

The other thing that is super-interesting is....our district is super-small and there's only one school here. BUT, the district north of us has several schools and the alternative school you're talking about. And I don't know if my district was cutting me straight or not, but guess who works in that alternative school? Sped teacher's hubby. That's part of why I plan to talk to her tomorrow, too. I'm going to ask if there's any way to get thru the red tape and get him there...not on a "maybe" but a real "get him in there". That's part of why it makes me so sick she's leaving. They not only have HER, an AWESOME sped teacher, but they know she's been getting tips from her hubby, too. Its like a 2for1 deal. And the district didn't even attempt to keep her. Makes me so sad.

But if there's a way to get thru it? We have a camper. We can rent a lot in a trailer park....