StillStanding
Active Member
Over the past 8 years, I have read and seen endless information about boundaries. I struggled with them for so long. I wasn't comfortable with some boundaries and then of course I wasn't able to stick to them.
What I've learned is that I need boundaries but they need to be MINE. I was failing because I listened to everyone else's opinions about what boundaries should be.
Last night my limits were tested. I want to share what happened so I can reaffirm to myself that I'm ok. Also, maybe my experience will help someone else struggling with boundaries.
I hadn't heard from my son in weeks. The frantic texting started yesterday.
I did respond.
I did not respond within minutes.
It was not my urgency.
I have some of his money as I'm his trustee when he does work. It's not much.
He lost his bus pass.
I did agree to pick one up on my way home.
I did not agree to give him cash for a bus pass.
I know anything I give him can be converted to cash. It's not my job to keep him from trading items for cash.
I did agree to pick up a gift card for Walmart.
I did not go by myself to get it.
It was inconvenient he could at least keep me company.
I did notice that he showered.
I did not comment that it didn't matter since he clothing was disgusting.
Personal grooming is a struggle with his depression. Overcoming it is not my business even if I don't like it.
I did ask why he didn't join us for visitation with his son this week.
I did not tell him that watching a toddler yell up to his room "daddy" hurts my very soul.
I have worked hard to have a relationship with my grandson. I will help my son in any way I can with the baby. It isn't my job to make my son participate.
He says he has a new job.
I did offer to continue being his trustee.
I did not remind or nag anything about trying to keep this job or what he should or shouldn't do.
I hope it's true. I'm not going to play detective finding out.
He whispered "thank you mom" as he slipped out again.
I was sad.
I was not angry or resentful.
If you're figuring out how boundaries work for you, you are not alone.
What I've learned is that I need boundaries but they need to be MINE. I was failing because I listened to everyone else's opinions about what boundaries should be.
Last night my limits were tested. I want to share what happened so I can reaffirm to myself that I'm ok. Also, maybe my experience will help someone else struggling with boundaries.
I hadn't heard from my son in weeks. The frantic texting started yesterday.
I did respond.
I did not respond within minutes.
It was not my urgency.
I have some of his money as I'm his trustee when he does work. It's not much.
He lost his bus pass.
I did agree to pick one up on my way home.
I did not agree to give him cash for a bus pass.
I know anything I give him can be converted to cash. It's not my job to keep him from trading items for cash.
I did agree to pick up a gift card for Walmart.
I did not go by myself to get it.
It was inconvenient he could at least keep me company.
I did notice that he showered.
I did not comment that it didn't matter since he clothing was disgusting.
Personal grooming is a struggle with his depression. Overcoming it is not my business even if I don't like it.
I did ask why he didn't join us for visitation with his son this week.
I did not tell him that watching a toddler yell up to his room "daddy" hurts my very soul.
I have worked hard to have a relationship with my grandson. I will help my son in any way I can with the baby. It isn't my job to make my son participate.
He says he has a new job.
I did offer to continue being his trustee.
I did not remind or nag anything about trying to keep this job or what he should or shouldn't do.
I hope it's true. I'm not going to play detective finding out.
He whispered "thank you mom" as he slipped out again.
I was sad.
I was not angry or resentful.
If you're figuring out how boundaries work for you, you are not alone.
