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Family of Origin
What is your relationship like with your 1st cousins?
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<blockquote data-quote="Wish" data-source="post: 737477" data-attributes="member: 23140"><p>Hi Swot, thanks so much for answering and giving your experience and advice.</p><p></p><p>The reason why I ask is really hard to explain. Basically, I have a huge extended family on both sides. I have many cousins and almost 20 years ago, I stopped associating with all of them, on both sides. It has caused a lot of awkwardness. I dealt with it great in my 20's but in my 30's and 40's, it became a different animal. A lot of my cousins started getting married, the wedding invites, especially with my once closer cousins. I was put under EXTREME because my Grandparents and other family members gave me a hell for not going and nevermind the guilt I was feeling myself for not going. It was a 10 year stretch of missing weddings, baptisms, bridal showers, even funerals. If it were just me, I wouldn't even care, but my daughter is the reason why it hurt me so much because it was hard on her.</p><p></p><p>How it all started: I decided after 25 years (I was about 25 at the time) that I was tired of being of being so hurt about my daughter and I being so rejected and ignored at family functions. Despite my very best efforts to associate with everyone, no one cared to associate with us at said holiday's or events. To sit in a corner by yourself with your child while everyone around you is associating with everyone but you is extremely hurtful and humilating. It became excrutiating for me. How many times can one put themselves and their child in those situations? So I pulled out. I said enough is enough. I can't possibly do this anymore. However, my daughter still wanted to go and my family took her to all these things without me. I had no control over this. I did not want my daughter to go because I knew one day she would realize what I realized and I didn't want her to go through that pain.</p><p></p><p>Anyway, when I pulled away from all of my cousins and most of my family in general, as I said the first 10 years, it didn't bother me a bit. It was when everyone started getting married, having kids, or dying that it became the "different animal" that I said earlier.</p><p></p><p>When I first joined this forum, the reason I joined it was because of Family of Origin part of it, I just hadn't gotten around to it.</p><p></p><p></p><p>Just to give an example out of MANY and this is really hard for me so please bare with me, I am probably going to break out and cry multiple times over this. I am just going to go write this really quick. Two years ago, one of my younger cousins who I absolutely adored and treated like gold when we were kids was getting married. My daughter drove 500 miles to go to her wedding. I rarely look at their facebook page but I wanted to see the pictures of the wedding. My cousin posted an album on facebook of 535 photo's and not one,<strong><em><u> not one</u></em></strong> had my daughter in it and my daughter adores my cousin, I can't even imagine how that must have felt for her although she said nothing. See there goes the tears. I have to stop.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Wish, post: 737477, member: 23140"] Hi Swot, thanks so much for answering and giving your experience and advice. The reason why I ask is really hard to explain. Basically, I have a huge extended family on both sides. I have many cousins and almost 20 years ago, I stopped associating with all of them, on both sides. It has caused a lot of awkwardness. I dealt with it great in my 20's but in my 30's and 40's, it became a different animal. A lot of my cousins started getting married, the wedding invites, especially with my once closer cousins. I was put under EXTREME because my Grandparents and other family members gave me a hell for not going and nevermind the guilt I was feeling myself for not going. It was a 10 year stretch of missing weddings, baptisms, bridal showers, even funerals. If it were just me, I wouldn't even care, but my daughter is the reason why it hurt me so much because it was hard on her. How it all started: I decided after 25 years (I was about 25 at the time) that I was tired of being of being so hurt about my daughter and I being so rejected and ignored at family functions. Despite my very best efforts to associate with everyone, no one cared to associate with us at said holiday's or events. To sit in a corner by yourself with your child while everyone around you is associating with everyone but you is extremely hurtful and humilating. It became excrutiating for me. How many times can one put themselves and their child in those situations? So I pulled out. I said enough is enough. I can't possibly do this anymore. However, my daughter still wanted to go and my family took her to all these things without me. I had no control over this. I did not want my daughter to go because I knew one day she would realize what I realized and I didn't want her to go through that pain. Anyway, when I pulled away from all of my cousins and most of my family in general, as I said the first 10 years, it didn't bother me a bit. It was when everyone started getting married, having kids, or dying that it became the "different animal" that I said earlier. When I first joined this forum, the reason I joined it was because of Family of Origin part of it, I just hadn't gotten around to it. Just to give an example out of MANY and this is really hard for me so please bare with me, I am probably going to break out and cry multiple times over this. I am just going to go write this really quick. Two years ago, one of my younger cousins who I absolutely adored and treated like gold when we were kids was getting married. My daughter drove 500 miles to go to her wedding. I rarely look at their facebook page but I wanted to see the pictures of the wedding. My cousin posted an album on facebook of 535 photo's and not one,[B][I][U] not one[/U][/I][/B] had my daughter in it and my daughter adores my cousin, I can't even imagine how that must have felt for her although she said nothing. See there goes the tears. I have to stop. [/QUOTE]
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What is your relationship like with your 1st cousins?
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