What kind of job CAN she get???

[Sue C]

Most of the applications Melissa has been filling out ask if she's had any misdemeanors, and she has to put down disorderly conduct and vandalism. For the ones that don't ask, they ask "can we do a background check?" and she has to answer "yes." She has not gotten any call-back's for interviews. She needs a job ASAP. She has been applying, although she did not apply for the bank teller jobs. However, we know they would NOT hire her with her background anyway.

She is telling husband and me that she wants a job that pays $10/hour. I told her she will be lucky to find one that pays $8/hour. But in realty, who is going to hire her??????

Any words of wisdom?

Thanks,
Sue

 

[Sunlight]

geez I have seen them ask about felonies but not misdemeanors!

 

[Suz]

Sue, is it possible that the charges are only for the school and didn't go on any kind of outside permanent record? Sorry- I don't recall if she went to an outside court and saw a judge and all that or if it was just something from the school.

If you aren't sure, I would call the school to find out. No sense in her disclosing something she doesn't need to disclose.

Suz

 

[Sue C]

The misdemeanors are listed on the internet on the "Circuit Court's" website. I would think that means she has to list them. They are listed as "State of Wisconsin vs. Melissa xxxx". She did go before a judge/district attorney.

husband says if she gets an interview somewhere, she can explain what happened. But saying, "I had a fight with my ex boyfriend" which ended up with 2 disorderly conduct tickets and "I got mad and threw his cell phone and it broke a window" which resulted in a vandalism ticket makes her look like a person who cannot handle their anger (well, that is what she is!!!) and who wants them around!

Sue

 

[Suz]

Yes, she would need to disclose them.

Well, talk about natural consequences-- hopefully this will make an impression on Melissa about her actions since nothing else has.

Hmmm...do you know anyone who owns a business who might hire her and give her some work time on her resume?

How about a previous employer? Would any of them re-hire her?

Suz

 

[DammitJanet]

Does she actually have to list what the convictions are? Most applications I have seen just ask have you ever been convicted of a felony or they say have you ever been convicted of anything at all even a traffic violation. You just say yes. They may ask later during an interview or they may do the background check.

This is one of those natural consequences bite situations. Has she actually plead guilty to the latest two charges? If not maybe she could go to the court and ask about some sort of deferred prosecution program where it would be removed from her record if she completed some sort of program.

 

[Sue C]

I didn't see all the applications, but the few I did see asked what the misdemeanors were and to explain what happened. I forgot to mention that she also has a bad driving record and many places say you must have a clean driving record....even if the job does not require driving!! Go figure on that one!!

husband and I have told her over and over again that there are consequences to her actions, and now she is seeing how they affect her. (I don't know if it's really getting through to her, though.)

I had checked on the first disorderly conduct ticket to see if community service was an option and was told no. Melissa goes to court on the 13th or 14th for these next 2 tickets. The lady had told me that if Melissa went to a counselor for anger management and brought a letter from the counselor stating such and paid for the broken window ahead of time that the vandalism charge MIGHT be dropped. Well, Melissa did not want to go for the counseling. It would have been free at school while she was in. I would have been willing to pay the deductible and copayments if it were for a psychologist outside of school. But now she is no longer on my insurance, and I cannot afford to pay for any sessions. Plus she has not paid for the window yet because she has no money.

I assume she will plead guilty. At first her ex boyfriend said he would be her witness to try to help get her out of one of the tickets, but now he says he won't. She went to be his witness on the first disorderly conduct tickets they received, and he got his charges dismissed. (she said it was all her fault) He already went for his second disorderly conduct ticket and plead guilty. He said he'd say it was his fault and try to get her charges dropped, but now he changed his mind. Even when the charges are dismissed, they still show up on your record but say "not enough evidence...".

Suz -- you have a good idea about someone we know who owns a business. We'll have to keep our eyes out for that. Maybe the first grocery store she worked at would hire her back. She worked there 4 years part-time and left on a good note. But Melissa says she never wants to cashier again because she hates it. We have been telling her she can't be picky at this point!!!!! I would THINK she'll start understanding this SOON.

Sue

 

[DammitJanet]

Well she is making her bed rather lumpy.

As far as a dismissed case or dismissed charges...no one even worries about them unless you are attempting to find work with something like a really high security clearance. They are dismissing my worthless check charges because I have gone and paid the vet. I just have to take them proof at the next court date. Wont matter to me.

Most places have a plea of some sort of thing to get all charges wiped off your record if you follow a program. However, with her already having previous charges and being obstinate about following thru on the plans such as anger management...well...it doesnt look to hopeful.

She may have to find out that flipping burgers or working with your back is what happens to people who get in trouble. There are female construction workers. A criminal background is almost a required part of the job...lol. Maybe then she will get her act together and do what she has to do to get this straightened out.

 

[Suz]

[ QUOTE ]
We'll have to keep our eyes out for that.

[/ QUOTE ]

Not "we", Sue.

Melissa

Offer counsel but don't do anything for her. No phone calls, no nothing.

Melissa is 21 years old.

This is her hole. Let her dig herself out. She will learn from the effort and she will learn from the result.

Please don't take the experience away from her. She needs to go through this to grow up.

Deep breath. Detaaaaaaaaaaaaach.

Suz

 

[hearthope]

Sue I am with suz on this one.

Melissa made her hole, if you are always there to fix it she will never learn that she has to do it on her own.

My son is 18, living out with who knows what, The judge ordered him to pay 75.00 a week for his fines, if he fails to pay they will issue a pick-up order for him to go to jail.
I am not helping him because he is still choosing to live as he wishes.(drugs)
He made his hole by himself and I have to let him suffer the consequences of his actions so that one day he will understand that he has to be responsible or he will pay the consequences.

in my humble opinion, I think it is better for them to learn at this young age so that they may have a chance for a productive future. Even if learning means the ultimate of jail time.

 

[hearthope]

Sorry, forgot to add this...

My son was convicted of theft of property and also has another charge with it.

He is own probation and ordered to pay back over 15,000

He got a job at McDonalds, so there is a place Melissa could try. And my son was just like her and said he would never work at a place like that. But when mom quit bailing him out he saw he had no choice.

What I hope he is learning is that he must change his ways in order to change his place of employment and achieve what he wants out of life.

But again Sue, if I didn't let go and I continued to keep bailing him out, he would never have to struggle and he would never learn that life lesson.

 

[everywoman]

Suz -- you have a good idea about someone we know who owns a business.

NO, NO, NO. Don't try to have someone you know hire your child. In the end, it will just leave you looking like a fool. I have done this one too many time. I will never recommend difficult child to anyone I know for employment, or at least I wouldn't have before he went for help.

 

[Sue C]

Katmom -- Thanks for the great advice! A friend from church had called me last week and asked if Melissa could temp for their receptionist for 9 days. I told her she did not have experience other than front desk receptionist in a dorm. She said she thought Melissa could handle it, but when she mentioned all the duties (including a 10-line phone), I knew she could not. Then the lady added how she would HAVE to commit to ALL 9 days. I had a feeling Melissa would go the first day, get frustrated and not go back. I'm glad I turned the offer down.

Melissa is in an upbeat mode this afternoon. Her replacement credit card arrived. She had cut the card up and was down to a $40 balance. It has a $3,000 limit!!!! :smile: She said she's just going to pay all her fines with her credit card and be done with it. She said she's looking into kick boxing classes and creative writing or photography classes. She also said she MIGHT try to get a full-time job at the grocery store where she had quit on the spot. (good luck to that!)

Sad part is that she is only upbeat because Brandon called her and wants to watch a movie with her tonight. He was supposed to do something with other friends, but he doesn't feel well. So he wants her to come over to his house. (and he had just blew her off yesterday after he told her she could watch the SuperBowl game with him; I wish she'd learn her lesson--oh well--not my problem, right?)

Sue

 

[Suz]

Good point katmom. Oh, dopey me! :hammer:

:rofl:

Suz

 

[Coookie]

Sue,

A definite difficult child trait is wanting to start as the president of a company...I think... :blush: :rofl: At least I'm seeing that with my difficult child who by the way is finding his options a bit limited also. :confused: Every application asks if you have served in the military.. :shocked: I don't even want to know how he is handling that one. :confused:

I will keep Melissa in my prayers. It is so hard not to DO for them, I know that.

Hugs

 

[rejectedmom]

Oh man, a credit card to pay off her fines and no job! And kick boxing classes (great for a difficult child with a temper). It is sad that this is such typical thinking for so many of our difficult child's. I'm sorry Sue, I wish I had advice I knew would work but I don't. Your difficult child is 21. She isn't listening to your good advice. She continues to make bad choices. I think it is time to start saving yourself from her chaos. -RM

 

[SunnyFlorida]

My difficult child 1 is having similar difficulty in obtaining employment due to open access to his "criminal record". Although he was charged with a misdemeanor he was not convicted. It doesn't really matter to many of the employers. They are looking for clean. His driving record is the pits also.

Funny, Sue....I'm getting mine back in school and your's is just leaving school.

It's so difficult when they don't believe their will be consequences to their choices.