What will you do for YOURSELF in 2017 if anything
- Thread starter BusynMember
- Start date
HMBgal
Well-Known Member
Well, she's around, at her convenience. She's at the point where she hasn't been able to keep a job for over a month for the last two years. She's a dental assistant, attractive, bright, funny. She can never be on time for anything, and she's extremely hyper focused on the wrong things, so is very slow in the office and drives everyone in the offices nuts. She's wonderful with the patients, but it just doesn't matter when she can't get there. She sleeps all the time, she's up all night. ADD, probably depression, I don't know. She always manages to gussy herself up and get to Karaoke and drive her very-much-younger-friends all over creation (in the new car her father bought her). But she can never quite muster up what it takes to come be with her kids for more than about an hour. Her one bedroom apartment is a mess, very expensive (as is everything around here) and she really can't handle her son. I don't know. We are all just learning not to believe anything she says, despite her good intentions. I feel for her kids. She never follows through with her promises. She'll finally take them to the movies or something and then leaves them in the theater to go take phone call and stays away for half the movie, or just falls asleep. It's crazy making. I don't even think they are really safe with her at this point.
RN0441
100% better than I was but not at 100% yet
I want to take care of ME and be selfish. Lose a few pounds, exercise more.
Want to not feel so deeply with Difficult Child and try to maintain a level of calm.
Want to find inner peace. Want to spend time with good friends laughing. Want to spend more time in my flower garden this summer.
Want to really enjoy my life and my husband. Life is so short and time with those we love is so precious.
Want to not feel so deeply with Difficult Child and try to maintain a level of calm.
Want to find inner peace. Want to spend time with good friends laughing. Want to spend more time in my flower garden this summer.
Want to really enjoy my life and my husband. Life is so short and time with those we love is so precious.
JaneBetty
Active Member
"I have another resolution: I'm going to stop talking about my son to my friends unless they specifically ask. 
I was going on about the situation yesterday with a coworker/friend and it suddenly became very clear she couldn't possibly care less. It hurt me. But then, I tend to forget that some people you consider friends don't really feel the way you think they do. Nevertheless...maybe I'm just boring people with my crappy life, so I'm going to stop."
Lil, that sounds like a pretty painful situation to have experienced.
Sometimes I have the hardest time remembering that other people might have awfulness in their lives too.
I have learned the hard way to be selective about who to open up with about the struggles in my family.
I just don't think most people want to know.
In a way, it is freeing to realize that other people are as involved in their own little dramas as I am involved in my own. It makes my problems somehow insignificant, in a comforting kind of way.
Still, you opened up to your friend and were shut down and that hurts.
I was going on about the situation yesterday with a coworker/friend and it suddenly became very clear she couldn't possibly care less. It hurt me. But then, I tend to forget that some people you consider friends don't really feel the way you think they do. Nevertheless...maybe I'm just boring people with my crappy life, so I'm going to stop."Lil, that sounds like a pretty painful situation to have experienced.
Sometimes I have the hardest time remembering that other people might have awfulness in their lives too.
I have learned the hard way to be selective about who to open up with about the struggles in my family.
I just don't think most people want to know.
In a way, it is freeing to realize that other people are as involved in their own little dramas as I am involved in my own. It makes my problems somehow insignificant, in a comforting kind of way.
Still, you opened up to your friend and were shut down and that hurts.
RN0441
100% better than I was but not at 100% yet
Lil and Tandem:
Yes I think it's good to stop talking about our Difficult Child so much in general! Stop letting it DEFINE us. Stop letting it DEFINE them. I am better than I used to be but I used to talk about only that. I don't know how anyone stood me!!
I started WW yesterday and made some yummy lentil soup that I ate for lunch and actually enjoyed and felt satisfied!
Somehow MUST offset the stress and toll it takes on our bodies. My mother died at 54. My father at 61. So there it is.
Yes I think it's good to stop talking about our Difficult Child so much in general! Stop letting it DEFINE us. Stop letting it DEFINE them. I am better than I used to be but I used to talk about only that. I don't know how anyone stood me!!
I started WW yesterday and made some yummy lentil soup that I ate for lunch and actually enjoyed and felt satisfied!
Somehow MUST offset the stress and toll it takes on our bodies. My mother died at 54. My father at 61. So there it is.
Lil
Well-Known Member
How sad! That's so very young!
BusynMember
Well-Known Member
We are more, much more, than just parents. We need to embrace the rest of ourselves. We stopped having relevancy as parents when they turned 18 and we no longer had legal rights to make decisions for them. What about the rest of our identities?
KTMom91
Well-Known Member
Interesting that you would say that, SWOT, about the rest of our identities. Miss KT was about 8 or so, and she asked me why I didn't have one of those bumper stickers that said what a great mom I was, or something like that, that was very popular at the time. I told her that being mom was only part of who I was, just like being in karate or attending school at W was only part of who she was, and as she grew, those things would change, too.
Great thread SWOT, thanks!
This is my "me" year. I'm putting myself as the priority. I've notified everyone of this too!!
For instance, every single year during Christmas, I've spent my bonus and/or any monies that I received on everyone else. I've done that my whole life. This year I not only didn't do that, I purchased a bunch of new clothes that are a different style then my usual look. I lost about 25 pounds on that plant based/whole foods diet and I'm feeling pretty good, hence new clothes.........for ME!
It's an interesting shift of focus for me. I have always considered others before myself, and I am not doing that now.....I am really focusing on myself......which took one hell of a commitment let me tell you! And that new focus changes so much. AND, it's a lot more fun too!
I haven't articulated it quite yet but it feels like loving myself differently, better. Accepting myself. Giving up my own form of perfectionism. Letting go of things I can't control and allowing life as it shows up. All of that listening to Eckhart Tolle must have gotten absorbed somehow because I am better at staying in the moment, in the present, and feeling a heap of gratitude when I do. Gratitude makes a world of difference. That lack of trying to control life lightens everything up, it's like a giant anvil was removed from my shoulders. I've always loved to laugh yet now it has a spontaneous, lighthearted feeling to it....
I want to have a lot more fun this year too. To PLAY, to crack up, to 'lighten up' on all levels. I've done the drama dance for a long time, it's definitely time for a new dance step.
I don't jump in to "help" these days, I learned how to "refrain" and let go which interesting gives those I would have ordinarily "helped" the room to figure it out for themselves now. I am now merely a "coach" or a cheer leader for my daughter and granddaughter, I am not their main source of anything........well except for love, I'm still that. They're in their lives and I'm in mine......and we're all thriving. (Not just surviving, like it used to be.)
I'm so much more compassionate towards myself. I am kinder to myself and give myself breaks, I used to barrel through things regardless of how I felt, just to get the 'job' done, and now I consider my energy level, my willingness or lack of willingness.......I intend on expanding on all of that.
I think the bottom line for me is finding the sense of fulfillment I feel I'm on the brink of.......experiencing more meaning, more satisfaction......I'm finding my passion for various things......looking for adventure.......on every level it just feels as if my life went from black and white to color and I believe and intend on making those colors even more brilliant this year.
Last year was mostly about healing and health and resting......this year feels more active and passionate. I'm the most authentic ME I've ever been and I'm definitely going to broaden that in every possible way.......
This is my "me" year. I'm putting myself as the priority. I've notified everyone of this too!!
For instance, every single year during Christmas, I've spent my bonus and/or any monies that I received on everyone else. I've done that my whole life. This year I not only didn't do that, I purchased a bunch of new clothes that are a different style then my usual look. I lost about 25 pounds on that plant based/whole foods diet and I'm feeling pretty good, hence new clothes.........for ME!
It's an interesting shift of focus for me. I have always considered others before myself, and I am not doing that now.....I am really focusing on myself......which took one hell of a commitment let me tell you! And that new focus changes so much. AND, it's a lot more fun too!
I haven't articulated it quite yet but it feels like loving myself differently, better. Accepting myself. Giving up my own form of perfectionism. Letting go of things I can't control and allowing life as it shows up. All of that listening to Eckhart Tolle must have gotten absorbed somehow because I am better at staying in the moment, in the present, and feeling a heap of gratitude when I do. Gratitude makes a world of difference. That lack of trying to control life lightens everything up, it's like a giant anvil was removed from my shoulders. I've always loved to laugh yet now it has a spontaneous, lighthearted feeling to it....
I want to have a lot more fun this year too. To PLAY, to crack up, to 'lighten up' on all levels. I've done the drama dance for a long time, it's definitely time for a new dance step.
I don't jump in to "help" these days, I learned how to "refrain" and let go which interesting gives those I would have ordinarily "helped" the room to figure it out for themselves now. I am now merely a "coach" or a cheer leader for my daughter and granddaughter, I am not their main source of anything........well except for love, I'm still that. They're in their lives and I'm in mine......and we're all thriving. (Not just surviving, like it used to be.)
I'm so much more compassionate towards myself. I am kinder to myself and give myself breaks, I used to barrel through things regardless of how I felt, just to get the 'job' done, and now I consider my energy level, my willingness or lack of willingness.......I intend on expanding on all of that.
I think the bottom line for me is finding the sense of fulfillment I feel I'm on the brink of.......experiencing more meaning, more satisfaction......I'm finding my passion for various things......looking for adventure.......on every level it just feels as if my life went from black and white to color and I believe and intend on making those colors even more brilliant this year.
Last year was mostly about healing and health and resting......this year feels more active and passionate. I'm the most authentic ME I've ever been and I'm definitely going to broaden that in every possible way.......
BusynMember
Well-Known Member
This is exactly how I feel now. Good for us!
ColleenB
Active Member
I posted on Facebook that I was tired of the "improve myself" resolutions, and instead wanted to be kinder to myself.
Do I need to lose weight, eat better and excercise ? You bet I do, but maybe by not making it about that, but instead about just being kind to myself I will get there. This week I have eaten what I want , not trying to just diet, and I'm slowly thinking about how I want to eat... not changing everything at once.
I called a counselor, first time admitting I need to. I hopefully wil start soon. I also told my husband we should do couples counselling , as we are both so down and I think feed off the other..
Lil, like you and jabber, we sit on our phones or computers watching tv, and calling that being together. We went skiing over Xmas and it was soooo good to do something physical together, we both said we needed to make that a regular thing. We used to take our kids, but since it's just us we don't go anymore. We don't do anything except work, watch tv and feel sad it seems.
I am not having a good first week of 2017, I am lower than I have been in months.... so hoping it can only go up from here.
Thank you for being here. Xoxo
Do I need to lose weight, eat better and excercise ? You bet I do, but maybe by not making it about that, but instead about just being kind to myself I will get there. This week I have eaten what I want , not trying to just diet, and I'm slowly thinking about how I want to eat... not changing everything at once.
I called a counselor, first time admitting I need to. I hopefully wil start soon. I also told my husband we should do couples counselling , as we are both so down and I think feed off the other..
Lil, like you and jabber, we sit on our phones or computers watching tv, and calling that being together. We went skiing over Xmas and it was soooo good to do something physical together, we both said we needed to make that a regular thing. We used to take our kids, but since it's just us we don't go anymore. We don't do anything except work, watch tv and feel sad it seems.
I am not having a good first week of 2017, I am lower than I have been in months.... so hoping it can only go up from here.
Thank you for being here. Xoxo
Lil
Well-Known Member
We get SO wrapped up in our kids that we forget that there's a whole world out there. I LOVE doing things with Jabber - doing fun things - housework, not so much
...but we don't do much. Hence the date nights. Time to do something...go bowling, take a hike, see a play, etc. Something with our phones off and our hearts open.
Lil
Well-Known Member
Was reading the past week's Dear Abby today and found this (a repost from when Abby was really Abby and not her daughter). Thought it was relevant to this thread.
JUST FOR TODAY: I will live through THIS DAY ONLY. I will not brood about yesterday or obsess about tomorrow. I will not set far-reaching goals or try to overcome all of my problems at once. I know that I can do something for 24 hours that would overwhelm me if I had to keep it up for a lifetime.
JUST FOR TODAY: I will be happy. I will not dwell on thoughts that depress me. If my mind fills with clouds, I will chase them away and fill it with sunshine.
JUST FOR TODAY: I will accept what is. I will face reality. I will correct those things that I can correct and accept those I cannot.
JUST FOR TODAY: I will improve my mind. I will read something that requires effort, thought and concentration. I will not be a mental loafer.
JUST FOR TODAY: I will make a conscious effort to be agreeable. I will be kind and courteous to those who cross my path, and I’ll not speak ill of others. I will improve my appearance, speak softly, and not interrupt when someone else is talking. Just for today, I will refrain from improving anybody but myself.
JUST FOR TODAY: I will do something positive to improve my health. If I’m a smoker, I’ll quit. If I am overweight, I will eat healthfully — if only just for today. And not only that, I will get off the couch and take a brisk walk, even if it’s only around the block.
JUST FOR TODAY: I will gather the courage to do what is right and take responsibility for my own actions.
JUST FOR TODAY: I will live through THIS DAY ONLY. I will not brood about yesterday or obsess about tomorrow. I will not set far-reaching goals or try to overcome all of my problems at once. I know that I can do something for 24 hours that would overwhelm me if I had to keep it up for a lifetime.
JUST FOR TODAY: I will be happy. I will not dwell on thoughts that depress me. If my mind fills with clouds, I will chase them away and fill it with sunshine.
JUST FOR TODAY: I will accept what is. I will face reality. I will correct those things that I can correct and accept those I cannot.
JUST FOR TODAY: I will improve my mind. I will read something that requires effort, thought and concentration. I will not be a mental loafer.
JUST FOR TODAY: I will make a conscious effort to be agreeable. I will be kind and courteous to those who cross my path, and I’ll not speak ill of others. I will improve my appearance, speak softly, and not interrupt when someone else is talking. Just for today, I will refrain from improving anybody but myself.
JUST FOR TODAY: I will do something positive to improve my health. If I’m a smoker, I’ll quit. If I am overweight, I will eat healthfully — if only just for today. And not only that, I will get off the couch and take a brisk walk, even if it’s only around the block.
JUST FOR TODAY: I will gather the courage to do what is right and take responsibility for my own actions.
AppleCori
Well-Known Member
I love this, Lil.^^^^^
I am at the dance center, waiting for my daughter while she takes one of her ballet classes, and feeling so weak!
The owner brings her lunch in from the local Mexican food place next door, since they start class on Sunday at noon, and it always smells SO good!
I would love to go over there after class, but I won't. At least today, I won't. But I want to....
I am at the dance center, waiting for my daughter while she takes one of her ballet classes, and feeling so weak!
The owner brings her lunch in from the local Mexican food place next door, since they start class on Sunday at noon, and it always smells SO good!
I would love to go over there after class, but I won't. At least today, I won't. But I want to....
AppleCori
Well-Known Member
I have put religion/spirituality on the back burner for quite a while now, and would like to delve back into it, as I have been inspired by SWOT, Copa, and others.
We have been working on eating more healthy/cutting down on sugar and fat as the main focus, and more consistent exercise. Hubby and I are planning to go every morning before work to the gym, and we started today.
I have been working on cleaning routines and organizing and got a large donation out to Goodwill before 2016 ended. I have another load started and will keep working on the boxes in the basement.
Not sure what else, but I have found that one good habit begets another, so hopefully it will all come together.
Have a great day!
Apple
We have been working on eating more healthy/cutting down on sugar and fat as the main focus, and more consistent exercise. Hubby and I are planning to go every morning before work to the gym, and we started today.
I have been working on cleaning routines and organizing and got a large donation out to Goodwill before 2016 ended. I have another load started and will keep working on the boxes in the basement.
Not sure what else, but I have found that one good habit begets another, so hopefully it will all come together.
Have a great day!
Apple
