What would you do differently now if you knew better then?

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by SomewhereOutThere, Jul 6, 2018.

  1. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Anyone want to play? Ill start and see if there are other takers. I apologize for not being able to come up with more interesting topics, like Pink does...lol. My creative lapse is probably due to moving!!!

    Okay. Let me give this a try.

    1. I would have followed my gut feeling and not married hubby #1 although I did get Bart and Proncess out of the marriage.

    2. I would have gone into some career involving either law enforcement or animals...maybe an animal cop.

    3. I would have looked at life like I do now at an earlier age rather than worrying about having been dealt a bad deck of cards and feeling angry and sad. What a waste of time. My bad.

    4. I would have only adopted babies, not older children.

    5. I would have divorced FOO very early on. But nobody did that back in the day.

    Thats a start. We take what we know now and talk about what we would have done differently had we had the wisdom of more life experience.

    Yeah, Pink. I know. Your ideas for discussions are better :)
     
    Last edited: Jul 6, 2018
  2. Tired out

    Tired out Member

    Have you ever read "The Summer House" by Jude Deveraux ?
    This question made me think of that book.
    I would have listened to the surgeons I worked with while I was in college and became a reconstructive surgeon rather than a chemist.
    That probably would have changed the rest of my life.
    But if I stayed on my same path...
    I would have had my tubes tied the same day I had child #2.
    I would have told the people who have passed how much I love and appreciate them (more often).
    I would tell my mom thank you for putting up with me.
    I would tell my dad, thank you, for making sure I knew I am as strong and as smart as anyone else and I can be whatever I want to work for.
    I would tell my grandparents thank you for making sure I knew I was their #1 favorite grandchild (They had 11, #1 favorite grandchildren) BUT whoever was with them was their favorite.

    When ever some one asks what would you do differently.
    I always think of the song.. "One more day" by Diamond Rio

    One more day, one more time
    One more sunset, maybe I'd be satisfied
    But then again, I know what it would do
    Leave me wishing still for one more day with you
    One more day

    I hope our difficult (grown) children figure this out before it's too late.
     
  3. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    That was beautiful.

    I never read that book. Maybe I should

    In the spirit of that book and your response, I wish I had told both my grandmother in law and mother and law how much I loved them and why. I dont think they ever knew and my marriage to my ex was not good. But they were amazing people. And I think it would have meant something to them. I learned so much from them about how to be a good parent to adult kids and how to walk with grace and be peaceful.

    Never did I hear either cuss or raise their voices. Yet they got their points across. They did not speak poorly of others. They were the typical if you cant say something nice about someone dont say anything at all. Until their deaths, and Grandma Ruth died at 94, they had lunch dates, many friends and were very busy.

    In no way have I been able to totally replicate them. But it did teach me how to interact with my adult kids. That I was able to often mirror. And I learned that you can go on with your life after extreme disappointment. You can even accept what you can not change.

    It is always good to say the words while you are both on earth.

    Very thought provoking answer. Thank you.
     
    Last edited: Jul 7, 2018
  4. Nomad

    Nomad Well-Known Member

    There is a huge thing I wouldn't have done, but I don't want to say. Some of you might be able to guess. I inadvertently changed the trajectory of my life and maybe that of my family.

    My number one, overall thing is that I would of followed my instincts more consistently.
     
  5. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    My intuition was second to my logic in the first half of my life. I didntbtrust my intuirion. So I made lots of mistskes. I now wish i had trusted my intuition.
     
    Last edited: Jul 7, 2018
  6. Pink Elephant

    Pink Elephant Well-Known Member

    Oh, nonsense, SOT, your started conversations are awesome! :D

    I myself would have liked to establish a professional career. I don't know... maybe something along the lines of Interior Decorating & Design or Formal Garden Design & Planning, something like that... something I enjoy. I think I would have been good at it.

    Another would be seeing more of the world than I have, which equates to seeing nothing. I've spent my lifetime dreaming of a few worldly trips, and as each year passes I realize my time is running out and I probably will never get to fulfill my dreams of such. I'm just so grateful for being the content, home-body that I am, because I don't let the fact gnaw at me. I'm perfectly at ease with being at home 24/7/365.

    But really, overall, I'm proud of who I am and what I turned out to be. Quite honestly, I really wouldn't change anything about me or what I have or haven't accomplished, but reality tells me a majority of people out there, do (like so many of us) have things they wish they had or hadn't done. I recently told a friend that I'd need three lifetimes of living to be all that I can be, just to put things into perspective as to how far I fell short this lifetime.
     
  7. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    I could use you, Pink. I am not someone with a good eye for decorating. My friend is shopping with me snd helping out.

    My oldest dsughter is also gifted in designing. I keep telling her to do it! It is so much fun to decorste even when I am just tagging along! Lucky you!
     
    Last edited: Jul 8, 2018
  8. Pink Elephant

    Pink Elephant Well-Known Member

    I used to be like yourself, SOT, but once I started delving into the world of interior design and decorating, something magical came out in me. What I'd give to be able to help you paint and decorate your home.

    I often lose myself in the magazine section in stores, drooping over home magazines.
     
  9. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    I would have spoken up twenty years sooner than I did, and told someone how much he meant to me. I wouldn't have married my first husband, although I can clearly see the path it lead me on, and I am glad I have Miss KT. Maybe a little less career focus in the early days, but again, there's a clear path.
     
  10. Pink Elephant

    Pink Elephant Well-Known Member

    Your post made me think of the excitement that would come about with the birth a new one in our home. My mom always stayed with our older ones while I was in the hospital giving birth, and then I'd come walking in through the front door of our home with new little baby in arms. Funny how fast things change in a household when there's a baby, especially a new baby.

    I was always so tired and worn-out, so mom would stay for days, sometimes a week or more, just to help with the feeding, the changing, the laundry, the cooking, the cleaning. The newness of it all was what I enjoyed best. Bottles would be lined-up on the counter next to the kitchen sink, the bathroom and baby room smelling of baby powder and diapers, and the sound of rubber pants being pulled off and on at change-time once again filled the air.

    Then there was the very first load of diapers that needed taken out and hung on the line. The first of many loads to come... which always had a way of laying to rest any question neighbours may have had as to whether or not Pink Elephant, had a new baby in the home.

    Then of course came visitors... lots of visitors. Family, friends, neighbours, you name it, they came. Everyone had to hold the baby and comment on who the baby looked like the most, me or my husband (LOL), and holding true to our family ways, endless offers for free babysitting came one after another.

    Then, within a couple of weeks, after the furor died-down, it was down to brass tacks and stainless steel needles. Reality set in, and so did true motherhood, LOL! With each new month that came and went, baby grew and milestones were reached. Pictures were taken, and every day was a new day for laughs and grins. Many firsts were also logged, like baby's first bath, baby's first diaper rash, and baby's first spanking. I entered all applicable info into each of my children's baby albums.

    Oh, yes, the joys of motherhood.
     
  11. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Lol. I had baby books too but they were more about baby sit up, baby turn over, baby speak, baby walk. Nothing about a spanking or diaper rash. I dont think any of my kids even HAD diaper rashes lol. I wouldnt have considered it a milestone!

    Youre silly!
     
    Last edited: Jul 9, 2018
  12. Lil

    Lil Well-Known Member

    This is a topic and Jabber and I have often discussed. If we knew then what we know now, what would we change? After much consideration, the answer is always the same - nothing major.

    I could have saved myself the heartache of my first marriage. But without him I wouldn't have had my son and without my son I wouldn't have moved to the townhouse where I became friends with T who introduced me to Jabber. So knowing how that turned out, I'd have still married him.

    If I could ship my 54 year old mind back in my 20-something body,I could take that student teaching position at Arizona State I was offered, instead of law school and the debt I'm still paying 30 years later. But if I hadn't been a lawyer I wouldn't have worked at the lake and wouldn't have met first husband...see above.

    Even if I could warn my parents about their health, gotten my mom medical tests before she died, way too young at 60 of heart disease...I wouldn't have married my first husband if she and my father had been living. I'd have never married anyone they didn't approve of had they been alive and I don't think they'd have approved of him...

    Everything I've ever done in my life has put me where I am now...at least, all the major decisions, and I like where I am now. Every major turn would have put me on a different course - most likely away from Jabber - and I won't have that...not ever.

    So? Would I change anything? Sure.

    I'd have spent more time with my parents and made more memories with them in the time I had to spend.

    I'd have spent more time with my brother after my parent's died and been closer to him.

    I'd have widened my courses of study and taken more art classes in school.

    I'd have learned a second language.

    I'd have saved more money. I always say I'm incredibly cheap - but the fact is I may be cheap, but I also don't save. I'd have saved more money instead of frittering it away.

    I'd have traveled more.

    I'd have spent more time with my son and done more travel with him. I'd have taken him to Disney, and to see natural wonders. I'd have played more.

    I'd have kept in touch with some old friends I've lost, and with family I've lost track of.

    I'd have paid more attention to my health, been more active, eaten more fruits and veggies and fewer sweets, stopped smoking sooner...and drank more wine! ;)
     
  13. Pink Elephant

    Pink Elephant Well-Known Member

    Each of my kids baby albums has a small first-cutting of their hair, too.
     
  14. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    I cut hair too. But as the kids came....well, lets lust say Barts baby book was way bigger than jumpers, the youngest.

    Yet I gave Bart his book and he doesnt even know where it is. All that love i poured into it snd he just lost it.

    The other kids have their books and pictures.
     
  15. Lil

    Lil Well-Known Member

    Hmm. It just occurred to me that, if I could put my 54 year old brain into my 20-something body, I COULD arrange to meet my ex just long enough to get knocked up, then move to where I live now and arrange to meet Jabber somehow. After all, I know where he lived and worked. So I guess technically I could have at least lengthened my parent's lives with ending up with my son and with Jabber....

    But I suppose I wouldn't be the same person if I skipped all the bad stuff. So I guess still I wouldn't try it. Time travel via brain transfer would probably create a massive time paradox and bring about the end of the world as we know it. :p
     
  16. Pink Elephant

    Pink Elephant Well-Known Member

    Awww... that's a shame. Baby and childhood photo albums are so much work and hold such dear memories.
     
  17. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Pink, he just into the memories. My other kids are (shrug).

    As for me, you know I dont like my family of origin or my childhood. I threw out all my picture books and baby books and never missed them.
     
  18. Pink Elephant

    Pink Elephant Well-Known Member

    SOT. I had you pegged as to not keeping anything from your past. Hugs to you.
     
  19. Tired out

    Tired out Member

    All the little steps along the way
    make us who we are today.

    I would like to change one thing about myself. I would like to NOT be able to be manipulated by my difficult son. I think I am getting better at it.
     
  20. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Pink, no reason to keep them. My childhood was abusive. Why hang onto pictures of people I have no kind memories of. I kept a few of my grandma and me a d have Dad pictures. I dont miss my "family" except for dad and grandma.

    But I keep things that I value. I have every card and gift my kids have given me. Those are GOOD memories. So I kept them.

    Pink,if you had had my nonfamily, and I am glad you didnt, you probably wouldnt have wanted to remember them either lol.