Worried about 14 year old son

seeker78

New Member
Hi, I haven't been on here in several years but things with my 14 year old son have been getting worse. He is doing online school because of the pandemic and that has been really hard to have him home while I'm trying to work. He's been diagnosed with ADHD and is on Concerta and Clonidine and when he takes these, they do help a lot. But sometimes he refuses to take them and he has problems when they wear off at night. He gets like hyper at night - for example, last night he came into my room and jumped on me while I was sleeping which is not uncommon. I know it's not good, but he still wants to sleep in my bed sometimes. I don't let him usually but sometimes I'm tired and give in. We have a cat and he is obsessed with it - always wants to get the cat and hold it for too long and won't let him go without me intervening. We live in an apartment and we've gotten several complaints because my son is loud and there have been tiimes where he will be yelling at me or has an outburst about something where he didn't get his way. He tries to walk around naked in the house - I have to make him put clothes on sometimes. And he has tried to intimidate me, push me when he hasn't gotten his way. I'm a single parent but he's with his dad a couple days a week. He does not have any behavior issues at his dad's. He is afraid of his dad. My counselor has suggested that I ask his dad if he can have him more. I'm going to do this but I am kind of worried about my son feeling rejected by this. My son just started seeing a counselor recently - I don't think they are talking about anything significant yet but my son seems to like talking to him, more than other counselors.
I wanted to see if others have had similar experiences with their kids and what you have done that has helped.

Thank you!
 
Hi Seeker, I'm sorry no-one has gotten back to you about this. Difficult times we live in I think. I am not a single parent but the horror of what my son would have been like with me if I had been, is something I would not imagine I could have borne. You definitely need help, counselling and support. I found an online counsellor and it does cost money but she helped me so much. Your boundaries are obviously not clearly defined enough for your son and he perhaps is playing games with you. You are so in need of a strong person who can advise you. I hope others will be along soon, (this is actually the first time I've posted!). I have no experience of doing this alone, and my husband had his own ideas of how to handle my son but these boys are experts in manipulating the emotions and nurturing instinct of we poor moms.
 

MissLulu

Well-Known Member
I just wanted to say hello to you both. Welcome! (or welcome back in your case, Seeker!)

I don't really have any advice - my son's issues are different (he's an adult) so I can't be that helpful. I am wondering though, seeing as he is a minor, if you could seek advice from your son's counsellor about him spending more time with his dad?
 

Nandina

Member
Hi Seeker, Welcome back but sorry you are having these issues with your son. I have some experience with a child with ADHD who was on medication. I hated nights after his medications wore off because he would often get out of control and become hard to manage.

One thing I insisted on was about an hour of calmness before bed. So no video games, TV, computers or physical exertion—no stimulation. He could read books before bedtime until he fell asleep. I know kids don’t like to read much anymore, but it was something I always stressed and my son loved reading.

There are also over the counter calming aids you can buy that have certain herbs like chamomile that you could give about an hour or so before bedtime. Lavendar is another herb that helps with calmness. I have a spray bottle of it that I sometimes spray on my pillow and it really makes a difference in how quickly I fall asleep.

One thing in your favor is that your son likes talking to his counselor. That Is a very good thing. I can’t think of one counselor that my son ever enjoyed talking to. He hated the whole idea of counseling and wasn’t always cooperative. So, if possible, I would let that relationship continue and have frequent, regular sessions if the counselor is willing.

I wish I could be of more help. I hope others will stop by later as well. Things are a little slow right now on this forum but there is great wisdom and experience here. I hope you’ll continue to post and read.

Best wishes to you.
 
Top