Would you tell?

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by Snow White, Aug 23, 2018.

  1. Snow White

    Snow White Temporarily in the Magic Kingdom

    I'm caught up in a dilemma. Given my job which has tons of "privacy laws" attached to it, I'm not sure if/what I should disclose.

    Daughter and fiancé showed up at our house on Tuesday night. They have left their eastern place after their fruit farm jobs fell through (big surprise). I guess daughter has convinced him to continue on with their plan to eventually head west. Apparently, the fiancé has not seen or spoken to any of his family members since his return home from our place. He stayed with a friend and then picked up our daughter at the airport - they continued to stay with the friend.

    We did not allow them to stay with us but sent them on their way westward with a meal, our good wishes and some veggies from our garden.

    The last conversation I had with fiancé's mom was when our daughter flew to meet him (almost 2 weeks ago). The mom thought that her son was already heading back to our place to reunite with our daughter.
    Based on that conversation, I know she is worried sick about her son.

    My question - Do I contact fiancé's mom and tell her what I know? Do I just mind my own business? I don't know fiancé's family history/dynamics. All I can go by is the brief text messages I've had with his mom.
  2. BloodiedButUnbowed

    BloodiedButUnbowed Active Member

    My opinion: Butt out. No good comes from meddling. It sounds like fiance's family and yours have not yet reached the stage of 'blended' where sharing this type of information would be commonplace and expected.
  3. ForeverSpring

    ForeverSpring Well-Known Member

    As a mom I would send a text saying I saw her son but didnt know where he is going but he is well. It is maybe right to say nothing. I could not. I read how we worry about our adult children. I just wouldnt say more than they dropped by, were well, and wouldnt tell you where they are going.if I saw any of your kids I would tell you if they were healthy, at least for now.
    Last edited: Aug 23, 2018
  4. Lil

    Lil Well-Known Member

    I agree with SWOT. I think a quick text that says, "Hey, this is Snow White. I just thought you might want to know son and my daughter dropped by briefly. I thought you'd like to know that he's fine and they have gone on some trip, not sure where." would not be out of the question.
  5. Copabanana

    Copabanana Well-Known Member

    I agree with swot and lil. You have in place a communication with this mom that is apart from either of the kids. I feel there is an understanding between the both of you that is independent of the couple in question which both allows and almost mandates limited communication.

    I would text this: saw/spoke with x and y who were headed off to their next adventure to parts unknown. I want to tell you they were fine.
  6. ksm

    ksm Well-Known Member

    I vote for a polite, quick text. I would want someone to do that for me. Ksm
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  7. toughlovin

    toughlovin Well-Known Member

    I agree. I think worried moms need to support each other. So yes quick text saying you saw them and they were ok.
  8. Albatross

    Albatross Well-Known Member

    Agree with the others. If I were in her shoes I would certainly want to know that he's all right.
  9. Tired out

    Tired out Active Member

    My vote it the short text letting her know her son is ok.. I would want that sent to me if it was my son. It doesn't hurt to put a mom's mind at rest, even if there isn't much to tell.