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y daughter has abruptly cut me out of her life
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<blockquote data-quote="Childofmine" data-source="post: 673974" data-attributes="member: 17542"><p>Hi Vernadetta and welcome to the forum. You have gotten very good advice from these Warrior Moms. We're glad you're here, and I am sorry for how your daughter is treating you. </p><p></p><p>Like Tanya said, a relationship must have some sort of balance. When we are just giving and they are just taking, it's unhealthy. I can get that way with my own son, and I have lately, and I am resentful. Like RE says, when we feel resentment, that is a signal to us that we have done too much. I'm at that place right now. </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>I think it's interesting that you were told they are "on a spiritual path" and you're not. One time my ex-husband's brother, who is a religious fanatic (truly) came to our house and told us that we clearly were focus on material happiness and not spiritual happiness. I was stung as we had not spent any time together at all and he really had no idea who we were. When I rode in his truck later, I saw a piece of paper, a very long piece of paper, taped to his dash of people he is praying for. Our names were at the top of the list. (lol). </p><p>Hey I need all the prayers I can get, but I don't understand that kind of "spirituality." Clearly, people get addicted to all kinds of things temporarily and permanently and religion can be one of them. </p><p></p><p>I also like your thought above---very insightful of you. Who knows what in the world drives them or shapes their behavior?</p><p></p><p>All we can do is keep our side of the street clean. That was a great thought for me when I first heard it. I could see myself busily sweeping up and down my side of the street, not THEIR SIDE. They have to keep their own side clean or not, and I have no role in that. It's a full time job to manage my side. </p><p></p><p>To me that means speaking kindly and gently, even when my words and decisions are firm and tough. Sometimes that's hard for me to do, when I'm upset and reacting. So then...waiting is another thing I have learned to do. I work hard to step back and let some time go by---a few hours or days or weeks---before I respond to a particularly volatile situation or comment. Usually I change my mind about what I will say or do.</p><p></p><p>Like others have said, the bottom line is we can't control other people. We can only control ourselves. I am sure you need a break from your daughter and her husband, but the real rub is the grandchildren. Can you mail them a little card every now and then with a funny joke or saying or a dollar or two in the card? That way you are reaching out to them, and that might ease your heart.</p><p></p><p>Hang in there. We're here for you. We get it. We understand and we care.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Childofmine, post: 673974, member: 17542"] Hi Vernadetta and welcome to the forum. You have gotten very good advice from these Warrior Moms. We're glad you're here, and I am sorry for how your daughter is treating you. Like Tanya said, a relationship must have some sort of balance. When we are just giving and they are just taking, it's unhealthy. I can get that way with my own son, and I have lately, and I am resentful. Like RE says, when we feel resentment, that is a signal to us that we have done too much. I'm at that place right now. I think it's interesting that you were told they are "on a spiritual path" and you're not. One time my ex-husband's brother, who is a religious fanatic (truly) came to our house and told us that we clearly were focus on material happiness and not spiritual happiness. I was stung as we had not spent any time together at all and he really had no idea who we were. When I rode in his truck later, I saw a piece of paper, a very long piece of paper, taped to his dash of people he is praying for. Our names were at the top of the list. (lol). Hey I need all the prayers I can get, but I don't understand that kind of "spirituality." Clearly, people get addicted to all kinds of things temporarily and permanently and religion can be one of them. I also like your thought above---very insightful of you. Who knows what in the world drives them or shapes their behavior? All we can do is keep our side of the street clean. That was a great thought for me when I first heard it. I could see myself busily sweeping up and down my side of the street, not THEIR SIDE. They have to keep their own side clean or not, and I have no role in that. It's a full time job to manage my side. To me that means speaking kindly and gently, even when my words and decisions are firm and tough. Sometimes that's hard for me to do, when I'm upset and reacting. So then...waiting is another thing I have learned to do. I work hard to step back and let some time go by---a few hours or days or weeks---before I respond to a particularly volatile situation or comment. Usually I change my mind about what I will say or do. Like others have said, the bottom line is we can't control other people. We can only control ourselves. I am sure you need a break from your daughter and her husband, but the real rub is the grandchildren. Can you mail them a little card every now and then with a funny joke or saying or a dollar or two in the card? That way you are reaching out to them, and that might ease your heart. Hang in there. We're here for you. We get it. We understand and we care. [/QUOTE]
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y daughter has abruptly cut me out of her life
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