Your Take On This

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by pasajes4, Aug 15, 2017.

  1. pasajes4

    pasajes4 Well-Known Member

    My almost 21 year old son has burned all his bridges as far as places to stay. He will not be sllowed back in my house due to his drug use and drug dealing not to mention his really nasty temper and aggressive behavior.

    I received one of those pity me phone calls this morning asking for money because he has no food and no place to live. He has been given a list of agencies where he can get help.His response to this has been why should he go out of his way when I could just help him.

    I was at my mothers when this conversation occurred. Bless her heart she offered to pay for one month at a boarding room that would provide a bed and 3 meals a day. It would give him time to find a job and get off the street. He said she could just give him the money. That won't happen. He decided to get ugly.

    Does he truly want help or drug momey?
  2. Jabberwockey

    Jabberwockey Well-Known Member

    This right here is the answer to the question you asked. If the ONLY thing that will help is cash, he wants drug money. What your mother offered was very kind and above and beyond, but its not something that he can sell. He wants cash or something he can sell to buy drugs with.
  3. GoodluckGirl

    GoodluckGirl New Member

    He definitely wanted cash. You are doing the best thing for him by advising him to seek out resources.
  4. SeekingStrength

    SeekingStrength Well-Known Member


    That has been the experience with our Difficult Child. He wants cash only and needing to eat was always his favorite ploy. It worked on me for a very long time...and then it worked on his grandmother.

    And, he usually got ugly when the answer was no.

    It has gotten so much easier. While I do not want to see Difficult Child hungry destitute, I have even less desire to help fund his drug habit. My hope is he will become so very miserable that he will start taking steps toward a better life because he wants it.

    That was so sweet of your mom. Glad you two held your ground about the cash. It's unnerving.

    You and your mom go do something FUN now.

  5. pasajes4

    pasajes4 Well-Known Member

    Thank you for your very affirming responses. I already knew the answer to the question. I posted so that my mother could be reassured that giving money was not the answer. She has already provided him with cash and bus passes. I had to stop her from offering him the cash.
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  6. pigless in VA

    pigless in VA Well-Known Member

    I hate the hold drugs have on people. I'm sorry that you had to educate your mother, too, pasa.
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  7. wisernow

    wisernow wisernow

    Yup he wanted drug money. So sad. Good on you for being and staying strong.
  8. Littleboylost

    Littleboylost On the road unwanted to travel

    Of course why should an adult do anything for themselves. This statement says it all. He wants money only and it would be spent on drugs.
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  9. ccdecks

    ccdecks New Member

    He wants money....I can only say that I got a call such as this now, my daughter is abused and homeless and she asked what am I going to do about it, and its a never ending circle and so sad. I repeat my words to her of getting help offering to pay for a in house program but she refuses to commit she would rather drink and to be BEAT by some low life.
    I believe at times that the best thing for her is Jail because she is forced to see the reality of how grave her situation is , it is not my life but hers I can not understand why she thinks it is mine to figure out becomes I am her mother she is 31.
    Do not ever at this point give cash, there words will be rude and harsh, but what I have learned they do not remember what they say to us the next day, although we do ... Be strong hang in there and know you were a good parent, but somehow our child lost there way.
  10. pasajes4

    pasajes4 Well-Known Member

    ccdecks, you deserve responses to your post. You may want to start your own thread so that others will see it and respond to it.
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  11. ccdecks

    ccdecks New Member

    not sure how to do that I was just being emotional to what I read, thank you though, Im new just joined but feel I may belong here.
  12. recoveringenabler

    recoveringenabler Well-Known Member Staff Member

    ccdecks, to start your own post, go to the top of this page, click on Parent Emeritus.... on that next page, look to the top right where it says, Post new thread and you'll be able to post your own thread...

    Glad you're here.....welcome......sorry you're experiencing a struggle with your daughter.....hang in there, you're not alone.
  13. Tanya M

    Tanya M Living with an attitude of gratitude Staff Member

    Oh Pasa, this is priceless! Why should he go out of his way, seriously! It's really sad that he cannot see what he's doing. He doesn't want to go out of his way but expects you to.

    This reminds me of the years I worked in downtown Denver. I saw homeless people every day begging for money. I came to learn quickly how to tell the difference between ones that needed money for food and ones that would use it for booze or drugs. There were always hot dog vendors at lunch time. I would offer to buy someone who was begging a couple of hot dogs and a pop. On rare occasions the response was gratitude for the meal but most often it was met with "just give me some money"

    I think your sons response to the offer of help is very clear, he doesn't want help, he wants to have money to do with as he pleases.

    So sorry you had to deal with that!

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