You're going to get tired of me writing

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by carolanne, Mar 19, 2008.

  1. carolanne

    carolanne Member

    but it helps to be able to have a place that I can unload....because right now I have to be the strong one in front of my kids.

    I just had notice that difficult child and boyfriend(ick) were served notice to cease their slander and defamation. Apparently she went to her psychiatrist apt yesterday and said that she had been abandoned by her family, that we told her she was on her own and that we wanted to buy the baby but she couldn't have anything to do with the child.

    Don't you just love how warped some difficult children can be? Yeah, WE abaondoned her, WE wished her dead....when the officer was here, I let him read and download all the emails and the website so they now have a hard copy of everything she's done/said over the last three months...

    But I am fuming!!!!!!!!! If I could afford to pack up the rest of my family and move completely across the country, I would do it in a heartbeat.....

  2. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    {{{carolanne}}} I am so sorry. Even though it makes you steaming mad, I know your heart is breaking as well. difficult child's can be very warped in the way they see things and interpret them and tell them to others. Ugh. At least you have evidence that everything she says is false.
  3. trinityroyal

    trinityroyal Well-Known Member

    Carolanne, I'm so sorry that difficult child continues to put you through the ringer.
    It is a good thing that you have documented proof that your difficult child is lying, but it's still heartbreaking that she's willing to say and do these horrible things.

    I think that your choice to cease all contact and to report her actions to the authorities are the right ones.

    Sending prayers and strength your way. Now's your time to focus on you and your younger children.

  4. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?

    I'm so sorry you have to go thru this. I just pray difficult child realizes someday what she has in you and shapes up.

    For now, you're doing the best you can.

  5. Star*

    Star* call 911


    I think she's reading your posts. Isn't it odd that I suggest she could sell that baby vs. aborting and now she's saying that at the doctor?

    Be careful what you say - me thinks she's got your number.

    I'm glad you do have a place to come to and unload - don't ever worry about posting - it's very good therapy to write out your emotions, thoughts and such. It's especially good when you have a child who is behaving like a complete and utter dunce and no one can make sense of her.

    Have you considered baker act for her? She IS a dancer to HERSELF and OTHERS.
  6. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    I also think the Baker Act would be good, at least it would be a 72 hour hold and an evaluation. When they see she may hurt the baby they may keep her longer.

    I am sorry this is so hard.. But it is good you kept all the emails and such.

    Come here anytime, we all have periods where we have a lot to vent/ share.


  7. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    Who served them the notices? Slander and defamation are usually civil matters and don't involve public agencies like the police. Can you clarify where you got the information from and what exactly they were served by whom? It seems that you may not have the whole/correct story.
  8. carolanne

    carolanne Member

    Here it's called a Form 1 but means the same thing. BUT, because she is 18 and been on her own since last October when she left the group home, I can't get a judge to do anything.

    CPS is aware and has said they will keep an eye on things because the group home also called and voiced concerns about her mental stability.

    There is a family history of PPD(I suffered it with the birth of three of my children) so there is that to worry about. Her depressive/manic cycling is out of control also and is un-medicated as far as I have been able to find out. Right now, it's a waiting game.

    It was a police officer in full uniform and full credentials who came and spoke with me regarding them being served. He said it's an informal warning that provides a paper trail should one need to be available if the threats are escalated or acted upon.

    The Canadian Criminal Code 300 lists slander and defamation of character as a summary offence but also states that when it is written and than posted publicly, it becomes defamatory libel and is an indictable offence and becomes a police matter. The punishment for this is a hefty fine and/or jail for up to five years.

    They chose to give a warning in writing so they could not play dumb and say they'd never been told about it. As he said, they chose to play in an adult world with very little ammunition and unfortunately are going to learn the hard way.

    I absolutely hate that it's turning into this. Never in a million years would I have dreamed something like this could happen to me and my kids. I thought I raised them with good morales and a firm understanding of fairness and decency...right now I feel like the biggest failure in the concern right now is to protect my other three kids because I think it's going to get much, much worse...

  9. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    That's cool that it becomes a public offense in Canada. If they were threatening harm here they might call it harassment. It's pretty low on the scale of offenses, though.

    I sincerely hope that she will not keep or even have contact with this child. Even with treatment, she is an extremely unstable young woman, and just about the most selfish mom to be that I have ever heard of. Good moms are selfless. She is clearly not.

    PS - I guess maybe today I am a little more cold on the topic than usual even for me. Some idiot judge on the coast gave visitation rights to a father with a ten year old because he couldn't decide whether it was the mother or the father who was lying when she said he was dangerous and he said he was put upon unfairly. He had previously kidnapped a (now adult) child to Fiji to keep it from it's mother. The mom was concerned that he might run off with this one too. The judge told her "If that happens the FBI will go look for them." Yesterday this man stuck a hose in the tailpipe of his van and killed himself and his ten year old son rather than return him from visitation. Just sickening.
  10. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful


    Keep in mind that at least some of this behavior has to do with difficult child's illness. (I'm betting quite a bit myself) If having to go thru all this horrible stuff is what it takes to get her some sort of treatment or to make certain that baby is safe, then it will be worth it. If it gets worse it gives the police more to work with, and a better view of her state of mind at present.

    And no matter what you and the family's safety have to come first.

    I'm sorry you're having to go thru all this.

  11. carolanne

    carolanne Member

    DL, I've been doing quite a bit of poking around on the internet and calling healthlines, child/mom numbers, anything I can find to ask lots and lots of questions. The main one being pregnant and the resulting hormones one of the main reasons she is spinning so fast?

    I can't ask her's personal he says. But everyone I have been able to get an answer out of is coming back with a huge yes! We all know how knocked around our hormones/emotions get during a pregnancy but for someone with a mental illness that is trying her darnedest to deny that illness will have major ups and downs. Everyone asked why she's not medicated, why she's not getting help....argh....I know I know, not their fault they just parrot the words but sheesh if it was that easy none of us would have difficult children.

    I also called CPS again and asked if they could really step up and see if they can get her court ordered medicated...just for the sake of that child....especially with her history of depression and the family history of PPD....they said they will let me know.

    I also called the grouphome again and asked if they could help her in any way....they will see what they can do as they run a program for the girls who have left but seem to have trouble...

    BUT I will not give in and contact difficult child in any way. We have removed the toxin from our house and family and whether or not she will ever be allowed back in we can't say right now.

    The appointment for my other two kids went very well. We all sat there venting, crying, laughing....the girls have seperate appts on the same day for the next six months and when they came out of their first alone meeting with my doctor, they were actually smiling through the tears. He told me that I have very lovely, articulate(with an eyebrow point toward Becky) and intelligent girls. He said they are hurting pretty bad but he said he thinks he can help them develop tools to heal....God bless this man, I love him:):):)

  12. Star*

    Star* call 911


    I don't think there is a single woman here who at some time has not felt like she failed her difficult child children. Quite a lot of us without support and a place to vent might still feel the same way you do. There isn't anything wrong with feeling that way occasionally. I just wanted you to know that you didn't fail your daughter. She did not fail. She did not choose to be mentally ill. She only chose NOT to continue to take her medications and continue with a good therapy program. That does not make you a failure. You've done all you could do and then some. We all have.

    Imagine if you had gone through pregnancy and given birth to a little girl tiger. Gosh wouldn't that be a shock? But you had it - so you love it. And as the tiger grows up it struggles in a world that really doesn't understand it. This causes a snowball effect of low self esteem. Despite you telling the tiger she's loved, she's wanted, she is beautiful - she still is a Tiger. You were handed a tiger at birth. You had some idea how to be a mother to a normal thinking, normal behaving child - when they handed you a tiger all bets were off. You did the best you could to be the best Mom ever.

    Your daughter, my son - all our children are what they are. We are all stumbling through life trying to figure out how to be the best at a calling that few of us had ANY training for. And then well - if you throw in a tiger cub to the mix? Kinda straightens your hair in a jif doesn't it?

    I see so many things in your posting that screams GOOD JOB MOM - and I'm sure there are lots of people who don't post/that read and think - the very same.

    Enjoy your day - it's the only today that you get. What you do with it is up to you.

  13. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    Vent away! Even those of us with "other" issues understand the strong desire to run away from the chaos. Hugs. DDD
  14. Big Bad Kitty

    Big Bad Kitty lolcat


    I for one will never be tired of you posting.

    I hope that anything I say helps you.

    I have gotten so much help on this board, it is my turn to give back.

  15. WhymeMom?

    WhymeMom? No real answers to life..

    Thinking of you and your family.....hoping for some peace. If it helps to post please do, others can also see advice to use in their own situations, so posting is really not a selfish thing to do......
  16. scent of cedar

    scent of cedar New Member

    What a painful time for you, Carolanne.

    Sometimes, it seems like it just never stops, doesn't it.

    Keep posting, Carolanne.

    It always helps me so much.