Wow - this really hit home for me. Gave me chills and I think I needed to read this and hear it at the same time - something clicked in my brain. This has lifted me up a bit from my rut of wanting to come in and fix everything.
Here is how the day went:
He texted me, asking how things were coming along. He also mentioned he was doing well - playing chess, journaling, reading; etc. He seemed good, oddly enough. I think others have mentioned that their children are sometimes at their best during these trying situations.
I responded by telling him that the public defender felt he could get a bond if he went for in-patient drug treatment. I clarified for him that the public defender did not mention a sober living situation. only the in-patient drug treatment.
I mentioned that I was unable to connect with his healthcare provider due to privacy issues (true but I'm really stalling him), and these things are complicated and take time.
When he came out of nowhere and said he doesn't need drug treatment and I realized he wanted sober living - it told me he doesn't value the path of drug treatment and exactly like you pointed out -
I also asked him to do something for me - to continue having a peaceful day, to continue these positive things. He wrote back and told me the name of a treatment center, said his "I'm sorry and love you", and "These are the plans for my future", but he still gave me a vibe that he would rather stay (strangely) where he was instead of going into drug treatment. As you said - I'm not hearing the "I'm completely changing my life" that one would expect to hear if someone was REALLY "completely changing their life".
He's not pressing. I find that odd.
I'm going to take your advice. I will help him find out info since he can't but will NOT rush, push, or (especially) PAY.
Once again, thank you Copa, I've screenshotted some of your posts to refer back to when I'm weak.
Thank you for letting me borrow some of your strength.