Birthday Ideas!!!! Update

[amy4129]

I need help. It's that time of year again a difficult child birthday.
Corey will turn 8. He wants a party but I kow from past expereince that we will send out invitations and no one will come. Has happened before. so what is a Mom to do? He is starting a social skills group today. So do I invite 8-10 other ADHD, ODD and socially dominate children- pass the advil. Or do I just risk it and possibly get his heart broken. I hate this every year. Any ideas?

 

[BusynMember]

First of all, your post almost made me cry. Secondly, if he does have friends who will come (even if they are hyper) maybe you should rent pool time at the "Y" or go rollerblading or take the kids out of the house, but let him have his party. Limit the # of kids he can invite. Frankly, I never have any parties at home. Even "normal" kids can wreck the house, and the kids have fun swimming, skating and eating out together. I figure that, in all, it saves me $$$ in damage to my house! It's terrible how cruel kids are. I hope your son has a good birthday.

 

[tiredmommy]

I'd invite the kids from the social skills class, ask parents to attend to help. Most will understand. :wink: Then try to hold it somewhere that kids have room to run. Any laser tag, indoor playground or Chuck E. Cheese places nearby? They're going to be wild, may as well not damage your house or sanity too much!
The other option is to invite one or kids (who you set up with parents beforehand) to go for pizza and movie. Hopefully they don't misbehave so badly so as to have your group kicked out of the theater. Remember, you need at least one adult per two kids at all times.
-TM

 

[SRL]

I'd call the staff member who is coordinating the social group because chances are that the other parents are in similar situations. Perhaps he/she can help work something out between you all or better yet have some sort of party as part of the social skills group. This is a big issues for kids with social problems and I'll bet other parents would welcome the chance for kids to have a party in a coached setting.

Recently my difficult child started in a new social arena--telephone talk--and when I was struggling I contacted his Speech Language Pathologist (SLP) and she was thrilled to have a real life scenario to role play.

 

[pigless]

Oh, Amy; I'm so sorry. Skip would happily come - he's a birthday party kinda guy, but Pittsburg is too far for me.

I really liked SRL's idea. You've got to get some other kids to come!

What about bowling? Or a party at a park with lots of climbing equipment?

I've rented a moonbounce, stuck it in the backyard and all the kids had a blast. I also hire a few kids from the neighborhood who are slightly older to work the party for me.

 

[SRL]

The coorditor might even be willing to do a little party there at school in the group. give a call and ask for ideas--if he/she has any experience they've dealt with this issue loads of times before.

 

[Janna]

Amy,

I love SRL's idea, too.

This is what I've done for Dylan in the past (when he was in LIU pre-kindergarten, never in regular ed, 23 kids is too many LOL, but I could deal with 8).

We get the cake made. We have the balloons done. I make the party bags, get the favors, etc....and I called the teacher about 2 weeks before to make sure it was okay.

Then I'd bring everything in sometime in the AM to the classroom, and in the afternoon they had Dylan's party.

Chuck E Cheese is a good idea too, because they have the attendents watching to make sure the kids don't "escape" LOL, plus they can run and run and run and have fun.

If you want to bring him here, I can take him with Dylan! I think we can handle 2 difficult child's for a day

Let us know what you decide.

Janna

 

[LittleDudesMom]

I love the idea of doing it in his social skills class. Since he is just starting, I'd call the teacher and ask if it's ok. Cupcakes and goodie bags would be much easier than a party at your home (especially since you really don't know yet what you are dealing with in relation to the kids in his class).

The other option would be to call the parents of some of the children he wants to invite from school rather than sending out invites in the mail. Call the moms and let them know that you are going bowling, playing lazer tag, or visiting the big rat. If you make the party some place fun where the kids can parallel play you may get more takers.

That would be my two ideas.

Good luck!

Sharon

 

[Hexemaus]

Amy,

I've so been there with difficult child 1. More than once she sat here in her party dress in tears because no one showed up. Not even some family members. It broke my heart. We didn't have any other options or social contacts for her other than school & our neighborhood.

Our solution was to make her birthday a family adventure day. It would start with a mother-daughter lunch, just the two of us, wherever she wanted to go. (I would pick her up from school with balloons, whistles, anything to make it all a big deal in front of her classmates - with the teacher's okay beforehand. It made her feel special when the kids would say "I wish MY mom would come get ME like that on MY birthday...") Then, depending on whether it was a schoolday or not, we'd go to dinner and a movie, or to a "big rat" type place, whatever she wanted to do. Then we split up visiting her relatives on different days with different events, so that her "birthday" stretched over an entire week. By the end of the week, she'd had 2 or 3 different birthday cakes, got to see all her favorite relatives, been on some "neat" adventure or other, got to see a movie she wanted, plus got lots of presents. That week would be so jammed-packed with birthday events, she barely noticed her own lack of friends. We never let her have that opportunity to "see" everyone in one room and realize her serious lack of numbers.

Now, she's a little older, a little better at making and keeping friends, and we can actually have birthday parties for her. This past Saturday, as a matter of fact, was her 14th birthday. We had a cook out. Several folks didn't show, but that was actually a good thing because she still wound up with 11 kids and 5 adults at her party. She had a blast. All the kids had fun. (Mom actually let her turn up the music without complaining - even though I think my ears are still ringing. lol) It was a real treat to see her having a "normal" young girl-type experience.

 

[susiestar]

I rarely have kids parties at home. Well, I havve for Jess, but her group of friends is really easy to work with, just an unusual group of girls (I even let them paint a wall in her new room this last year anic: :Bonkers: - they did great)

When the kids are younger we go to a park. Sometimes Gma rents a shelter or we just use an open one and put balloons to it. Kids run, scream, eat cake, and generally are obnoxious - noone ever minds. I do make a point to invite any kids who walk up to the playset we are at to join.Have met some neat kids this way.

We have also done the Chuck E Cheese - years ago and it went well. But expensive for our budget.

Having hte party away from home means less cleanup and damage.

B wanted the Harry Potter movie from the time the first on came out. It was always around his birthday. Now he just goes to a movie with one or two other kids.

Tho one thing that is a drag about parties away from home is that my family rarely attends. They insist on a separate family party. That is OK, I just insist it be a different weekend.

Susie

 

[amy4129]

Thanks guys! I can't tell you how much i have been dreading this birthday. his birthday is april 16, Easter weekend. Family that lives here, family in from out of state, family pressure and SUGAR!!!
SRL,I will talk to the social skills director, who happens to be, for the time Corey's therapist. At least until wrap services start.
He talks about friends and desperatley wants to be friends but he just can't do it. can't keep his hands to himself, can be bossy, overbearing and mean- All the difficult child classic hits! :Bonkers:
We have such crappy weather in April sometimes I can't do outside things.
Hex, I loved the idea about giong to school and maybe I will do something along those lines. I will check with the teachers, both reg and es.
Corey has caused soo many issue with other children at school he will have to work a long time to gain any form of acceptance.
This is the effects of these disorders that can just break a Mom's heart.

 

[Janna]

Oh, Amy, are you going with the Wrap Around?!?

Very cool :Big Hand: I bet it helps him and you. You'll have to keep us posted as to how that works out. I'd be really interested (if you don't mind) getting your feedback about how you like it.

J

 

[amy4129]

Janna-
just waiting for medicaid to kick in for both boys!
A

 

[Suz]

Amy, we had the same problem with Rob. What we did instead was have a special day with one of his friends along.....movie....or dinner....or both...or amusement park....whatever Rob wanted because it was *his* day. We found that even if Rob didn't have friends he could usually find someone who wanted to join us for the activities.

He liked being able to choose the person and the activity and we liked it being only 2 wild and crazy kids to contend with instead of several.

Suz

 

[Hexemaus]

Amy,

It worked really well for us. Instead of feeling like the odd-man-out on her birthday because no one showed, she got to feel extra special because she got something everyone else thought they didn't. (Mom making a fuss in front of everyone about her birthday, getting to leave school just to go to lunch with Mom, etc.) She didn't feel like everyone knew no one liked her or wanted to be her friend. She could feel like "school" was a separate part of her life and she had other places to find the acceptance she so desperately wanted.

Unfortunately, even at a young age, our kids know they are different and have trouble making friends. They don't necessarily need it illustrated to them by having a party no one comes to. That can be so crushing for kids. I just couldn't bare another year of tears and disappointment for my difficult child. So I set out to make up for what everyone else didn't see in my girl. To show her that no matter what anyone else thought of her, she had people that loved her for exactly who she was, come he// or high water.

The funny thing about the way we handled her birthdays? Some of her classmates would ask her if she was having or had had a party when the subject came up. She'd reply that yes, she was having or would have several. One with just my family, one at my Grandma's, one at my Oma's, etc. She'd get a little boost of self-confidence when the other kids acted jealous of all her parties. lol. (Kind of funny since often her "parties" were just family dinners with a b-day cake, just at different houses & different days) I think it actually prompted a few kids to start asking if they could come. Which was great, she got to feel like she was "allowing" a friend or classmate in on a special event, versus begging people to come.

 

[Fran]

If there was a party to be at home, it was with 2 or 3 specific kids. No way are there 15 adhd kids running through my house.

I think some of our kids don't do too well with all that stimulation. Limit the amount of kids and activities so there isn't a free for all.

Good luck.

 

[tiredmommy]

Originally posted by Fran:
[qb] No way are there 15 adhd kids running through my house.[/qb]

My sentiments exactly, Fran!

-TM

 

[Tammyof3]

Oh Boy-I am struggling with this very same thing.
Bailey's(7yr old 1st grader)B-day is in two weeks and I dont know what to do either. I really like the social group thing....It's almost the end of the year and he wasn't invited to one B-day part this year My son sounds alot like yours in that he has broken the lines with alot of kids in his class etc, and he will have alot of work to do if he truly wants to have them as friends.

We never have had a B-day party with friends etc for him, but he has never asked to have one either. He likes the family parties at Nanas and Papa's and our house just fine

My Dad keeps asking about this-like "you really should do this etc" Grrrrr... he HAS no clue obviously. But do you all think it really matters if he hasn't even said anything about inviting friends over etc?It bothers me, but he seams not to even notice as long as he gets the day and has cake and presents to open?
Love ya,
Tammy

 

[tiredmommy]

Tammy-
I'd try to lightly ask your difficult child what he'd like to do to celebrate his birthday. That is, if you think you can deliver. I'd guess he wouldn't have many kids from his class but you could probably piece together a kid's party with more accepting families more easily.
-TM

 

[Janna]

Originally posted by Fran:

No way are there 15 adhd kids running through my house.

Awwww, Fran -

Where's your sense of adventure ?!?!?!?

:Funny:

They ain't comin' here either!!!!!

ROFL!!!!

Janna