Fake addresses

[newstart]

Today my husband and I went out on a date. Great food and then had a huge coconut ice cream. I stay off sugar most of the time because it is so hard on my emotions but this ice cream was worth every bite.
I have not said one word to my daughter for 27 days. A text here and there asking me a question but not one word. Last night I got some very stressful texts from her and wanted to pound back with nasty words, but did not, stopped and prayed and the words came out perfectly. I texted a heart felt message back to her but let her know I was keeping my distance. I remember all to well the abuse I got from her a few weeks back.
After being around her, I started to bleed, my left eyebrow turned while, I got a rash, and I truly felt as if someone kicked me in the stomach. I just laid in bed one day in agony.. I recently listened to a Youtube video by Dr. Jordan Peterson and he said a female borderline is equal to a male psychopath. I also watched a video that said if you experience PTSD you were probably on the receiving end of a psychopath.

Instead of taking it so personal, I took it as what it was, an abusive, entitled, mean spirited person attacking me.
I listened to another video about not calling her out and pointing out her bad behavior because it does not do anything. Disconnecting and silence says more than trying to tell her how abusive she was because she will then just defend everything and make herself out to be the victim.

Sorry if I repeat some things, I am trying hard to move myself ahead on this latest drama. Sometimes my mind will drift with me thinking well maybe I made her upset with this or that but in reality I walk on egg shells and would not say anything ugly on purpose, only after she gets abusive then I say things back.

My daughter said several times, 'You and dad will go out together' I thought she meant that since we were close that if one of us dies the other will follow. Now I am not so sure. She also said 'If dad's plane goes down at least he was doing something he wanted to do' I think she was wishing our deaths so she could get the will and buy a home in the country for her and her worthless boyfriend. Also my daughter's friend called to tell me she was worried about my husband and my safety. My daughter's friend told me that she met my daughter's boyfriend and he was horrible. I think my daughter was wishing our deaths thinking it would save her relationship with her boyfriend and once she got the money he would stay. Such a sweet kid!

We have taken every step to keep safe. Changed locks and codes, changed the times we go places. Now if she breaks her mania I will feel better and a bit more safe.
When I blew off my bipolar mother in law she started to stalk and terrorize me. She would not leave me alone, it felt as if she had to suck my energy just to survive.
When my daughter moved into different apartments years ago she would give me a fake address. She recently gave me a fake address to where she said her boyfriend lived. Maybe if or when I move she will get no address at all.

 

[RN0441]

Sorry that you are dealing with this. I think you have the right idea by keeping them both out of your life. I do hope you move far away and do not leave an address.

I think that is a good idea especially if you think they are planning something sinister. I would not have someone like that in my life, I don't care who they are.

Love from afar. Give yourself some grace.

 

[newstart]

Thank you RN for your love and support. I feel both.. I live on the gulf coast and we have a possible hurricane coming at us. I know this will make my daughter's mania sky high.. I sure hope we do not have to evacuate together. I am ok with a hurricane, I have rode out many of them, been in the midst of several of them but being around my daughter is like being in a earthquake, hurricane, tornado and fire all at the same time. Her off track behavior is worse than any natural disaster I have ever been through. Her constant worry, the constant wanting something bad to happen, the drama she craves so much... I just don't want to hear any of it. Not sure if her and boyfriend are off this week or on this week but I sure feel sorry for who ever is on her receiving end.

As long as I stay off of sugar I can find the inner strength and fortitude it takes to keep moving forward and not let her abuse harm my soul so deeply as before.. For some reason cutting sugar out of my diet makes me so much more mentally strong. I love sweets so this is not an easy task. I have decided that once a week I will eat what ever and have a desert. But not more than that. Sugar is so addictive.

RN, I think you live in the deep south, hope not on the coast, I hope that you stay out of harms way. We have prepared and what ever happens happens and if we get flooded out then I will take it as a sign to move.

 

[runawaybunny]

Today my husband and I went out on a date. Great food and then had a huge coconut ice cream. I stay off sugar most of the time because it is so hard on my emotions but this ice cream was worth every bite.
I have not said one word to my daughter for 27 days. A text here and there asking me a question but not one word. Last night I got some very stressful texts from her and wanted to pound back with nasty words, but did not, stopped and prayed and the words came out perfectly. I texted a heart felt message back to her but let her know I was keeping my distance. I remember all to well the abuse I got from her a few weeks back.
After being around her, I started to bleed, my left eyebrow turned while, I got a rash, and I truly felt as if someone kicked me in the stomach. I just laid in bed one day in agony.. I recently listened to a Youtube video by Dr. Jordan Peterson and he said a female borderline is equal to a male psychopath. I also watched a video that said if you experience PTSD you were probably on the receiving end of a psychopath.

Instead of taking it so personal, I took it as what it was, an abusive, entitled, mean spirited person attacking me.
I listened to another video about not calling her out and pointing out her bad behavior because it does not do anything. Disconnecting and silence says more than trying to tell her how abusive she was because she will then just defend everything and make herself out to be the victim.

Sorry if I repeat some things, I am trying hard to move myself ahead on this latest drama. Sometimes my mind will drift with me thinking well maybe I made her upset with this or that but in reality I walk on egg shells and would not say anything ugly on purpose, only after she gets abusive then I say things back.

My daughter said several times, 'You and dad will go out together' I thought she meant that since we were close that if one of us dies the other will follow. Now I am not so sure. She also said 'If dad's plane goes down at least he was doing something he wanted to do' I think she was wishing our deaths so she could get the will and buy a home in the country for her and her worthless boyfriend. Also my daughter's friend called to tell me she was worried about my husband and my safety. My daughter's friend told me that she met my daughter's boyfriend and he was horrible. I think my daughter was wishing our deaths thinking it would save her relationship with her boyfriend and once she got the money he would stay. Such a sweet kid!

We have taken every step to keep safe. Changed locks and codes, changed the times we go places. Now if she breaks her mania I will feel better and a bit more safe.
When I blew off my bipolar mother in law she started to stalk and terrorize me. She would not leave me alone, it felt as if she had to suck my energy just to survive.
When my daughter moved into different apartments years ago she would give me a fake address. She recently gave me a fake address to where she said her boyfriend lived. Maybe if or when I move she will get no address at all.

From what I read here you are coping pretty well in such a difficult emotional situation. Hang in there.

Whatever you decide to do make sure you make your own mental health and well being your top priority. Take good care of yourself. You deserve it.

 

[Copabanana]

Dear NewIstart

I don't like it that your daughter is fantasizing about your death and that of your husband. Not one bit. I think you've done the right thing to secure the house and to change your routine. I think moving wouldn't be a mistake either.

It sounds like the distance you've created is exactly the right thing for you. I believe your daughter loves and needs you, but she has been toxic for you for a long time. I applaud your firm boundaries. Our children need to be taking care of themselves before they're safe for us to be around. Stable on medication, ditching deadbeat boyfriends, in drug treatment, etc., come to mind.

I have set all kinds of ultimatums and rules for my son. He's not met one. I have learned my lesson (I hope.).I can love him from afar.

 

[newstart]

Thank you Copa. I am feeling very weird. I see these beautiful pictures on FB, my friends are enjoying their grandchildren, they have children that love and respect them. I have a deceased son and a daughter that is fantasizing about the death of her dad and me..
The pain of loss is so sad. Will I ever want to even work things out with her knowing she wishes me dead? Can her mania really be that bad or has she always faked it when she was better? My husband and I are both peace loving, gentle people. How did I ever give birth to someone that wants to cause so much grief and heartache. How can someone like that even come out of my body? I come from a long line of decent women, my mother, her mother, and my grandmother's mother, all loving, giving, supportive women..What the he**. So sorry to read that your son has not met one ultimatum. It is tragic.

 

[RN0441]

Newstart

I also live on the Gulf Coast of Alabama not far from Mobile. The hurricane is now only rain so we are not worried. We also own a Gold fortified home also which is hurricane proof - whatever that means.

Stay safe.

 

[Hopeful parent]

Hi Newstart, my son also says things like that to me, he has actually told me he could kill us. Mainly after talking to his girlfriend. It definately is not good. I feel for you.

 

[BusynMember1]

Please stay safe. Please do not hunker down with your daughter. Ever. You can not trust her. I would think about the will and give the money to another or maybe donate that money to charity. Why give her a reason to hurt you? I love my.kids but I won't die for them. I am worthwhile too. So are you.

I think your daughter sounds borderline. You can have bipolar and borderline. Borderlines can be dangerous. I think my Kay has borderline and I can imagine her wishing us dead too if she thought she could get a lot of money if we died. We took her out of our will. We have spent tons on her. She knows about the will and is furious. Too bad. We are just done. We have others who had gone without while we gave and gave to Kay.

Wishing you peace and love. Prayers!

 

[newstart]

From what I read here you are coping pretty well in such a difficult emotional situation. Hang in there.

Whatever you decide to do make sure you make your own mental health and well being your top priority. Take good care of yourself. You deserve it.

Thank you runawaybunny. I have always put my family first but I will work at taking care of me first. I need to learn how to do this, I need to do this to survive. I once read 'If you make best friends with yourself life gets easier. This is a huge emotional situation and I am drained from this latest awful treatment. Actually she gives continued awful treatment and I usually just try to put up with it. I am so drained from it. I don't care if it's bipolar or evil it effects my health the same.

 

[newstart]

Newstart

I also live on the Gulf Coast of Alabama not far from Mobile. The hurricane is now only rain so we are not worried. We also own a Gold fortified home also which is hurricane proof - whatever that means.

Stay safe.

Hi RN, I just google gold fortified home. I am so glad you are in one. I had my contractor do some hurricane updates on my home a couple of years ago. Looks like the hurricane will be headed mostly to Louisiana, I pray for the people in the path of Laura. I am sure if they were in the path of my daughter they would be more frightened.

 

[newstart]

Hi Newstart, my son also says things like that to me, he has actually told me he could kill us. Mainly after talking to his girlfriend. It definately is not good. I feel for you.

Hi Newstart, my son also says things like that to me, he has actually told me he could kill us. Mainly after talking to his girlfriend. It definately is not good. I feel for you.

Thank you Hopeful parent and welcome. I have never told anyone no matter how horrible I felt that I was going to kill them. I know how you feel when you hear something so awful. We are all aging, this should be a time to do fun things together and enjoy each other while we have each other..I look forward to hearing your story hopeful parent.

 

[newstart]

Please stay safe. Please do not hunker down with your daughter. Ever. You can not trust her. I would think about the will and give the money to another or maybe donate that money to charity. Why give her a reason to hurt you? I love my.kids but I won't die for them. I am worthwhile too. So are you.

I think your daughter sounds borderline. You can have bipolar and borderline. Borderlines can be dangerous. I think my Kay has borderline and I can imagine her wishing us dead too if she thought she could get a lot of money if we died. We took her out of our will. We have spent tons on her. She knows about the will and is furious. Too bad. We are just done. We have others who had gone without while we gave and gave to Kay.

Wishing you peace and love. Prayers!

Hi BusynMember.. I understand how much you gave to Kay. I have done the same with my daughter. So much money on therapy and what ever it takes to help her get the right kind of help. YEARS of searching, spending all my time running from this Dr to the next trying and trying. .I can not do it, she has to do it. I have worked harder than her to get her help and she is still an . I wish I was one of those parents that could just go about my life and not think or worry about my daughter, I do a good job giving it all to God but then I still worry. Now I am working on getting the image of her as a little girl out of my mind. I remember her being this cute little girl that said the cutest things. That person is gone and now there is an imposter that took over. Thank you for the peace and sending your love, I felt it. We have been discussing the will. I will be giving a large portion to The Compassionate Friends, a support group for people that have lost a child to death, also to the museum, my husband and I have been volunteers for over 25 years there and to a few of my friends that are struggling. I will leave my daughter $1 so she cannot argue that I forgot her. I will not and cannot leave our hard earned money to someone that does nothing but takes and spits venom. I am so sorry for your intense heartache over Kay. It is a pain that is beyond sorrow. And you and I both know the depth of real sorrow.

 

[MissLulu]

Dear Newstart, I just popped in to say I am thinking of you. Last night I reread the article on detachment. This gives me strength when I am feeling weak and unsure. I thought of you and wondered if it might help you to read it again, just to reassure yourself you are doing the right thing. I'm sure your daughter loves you, and I know you love her, but sometimes the most loving thing we can do is give our kids the space to work out things for themselves. Maybe if you withdraw she will start to make better decisions. You have to put your health and safety first.

 

[Copabanana]

We also own a Gold fortified home also which is hurricane proof

Dear RN

I have been worried about you. Please keep checking in! I didn't know what is a "gold fortified home" so I looked. I envisioned bullion bars but couldn't quite see how that would work. Here in California, that is like "earthquake retrofitting."

A gold FORTIFIED certified home is the most highly protected. It requires the same demands as bronze and silver and it's tied together by connecting each wall with the roof and the house's foundation.

 

[RN0441]

Thank you! We are all good. It missed us and hit in Louisiana and they predicted that so we were safe. I do worry about those in the path though. Haven't watched news yet.

I do know that the causeway which is over Mobile Bay - which I take to work each day - is flooded in some areas which I have not seen in the 2 years I've lived here. We got off easy once again.

 

[newstart]

Glad you made it RN, We made it fine too, just a few limbs on the ground. My pecan tree is loaded with pecans so even the slightest wind knocks the branches down.

 

[BusynMember1]

I am so sorry, New start. Losing a child is horrific. I know. Then we lose Kay too. Yes, she is still alive, but if I truly think about her I can cry all day. We gave her every advantage and she lives in a ten year old RV with no goals or future. I am not sure where she is now. Last I heard, it was COVIDville, AZ.

At least when I think about Ethan, I do cry but there are special memories. This may sound strange but Kay almost hurts more because....I'm not sure why. Because she is wasting the life that God gave her?

I know Compassionate Friends. Lifesavers.

Keep in touch. Love and prayers.

 

[newstart]

Dear Newstart, I just popped in to say I am thinking of you. Last night I reread the article on detachment. This gives me strength when I am feeling weak and unsure. I thought of you and wondered if it might help you to read it again, just to reassure yourself you are doing the right thing. I'm sure your daughter loves you, and I know you love her, but sometimes the most loving thing we can do is give our kids the space to work out things for themselves. Maybe if you withdraw she will start to make better decisions. You have to put your health and safety first.

Miss Lulu, Thank you for the reminder to read the detachment article again. I read it often and it makes good sense and it helps me but things in order. I am hoping she will kick in and start making mature decisions. The stuff she is doing now is elementary level stuff, and she has 2 degrees and was in the gifted programs at school. What on earth? Right now she is posting ugly stuff on FB. It is so stressful to say the least. I hope the house arrangement that you have with your son is still working out for all of you.. I hope they are keeping the property looking nice and that they keep paying their bills.

 

[newstart]

I am so sorry, New start. Losing a child is horrific. I know. Then we lose Kay too. Yes, she is still alive, but if I truly think about her I can cry all day. We gave her every advantage and she lives in a ten year old RV with no goals or future. I am not sure where she is now. Last I heard, it was COVIDville, AZ.

At least when I think about Ethan, I do cry but there are special memories. This may sound strange but Kay almost hurts more because....I'm not sure why. Because she is wasting the life that God gave her?

I know Compassionate Friends. Lifesavers.

Keep in touch. Love and prayers.

BusynMember, My daughter acting horrible is more painful than my son's death. She has a choice, she is choosing to act like a demon. My son did not have a choice, he just died. He was kind and loving and he was an empath like his dad and me.
My daughter has this beautiful gift of life. She has two parents that love her endlessly. She spits on us, tries to rip us off and wishes us dead. She knows the grief our family has suffered because of the death of our son and her brother yet she heaps more crap onto us. It is demonic and sadistic. I look at her in total disbelief that she would put that much time and energy into ways in how she can destroy us. I guess the 'prize' or 'power' of the harm or kill is what gives her energy or maybe the sadistic beating turns her on sexually.

Yes, the Compassionate Friends, such wonderful support. I went to the National Conventions for many years and I still take calls from the hospital to help guide the newly bereaved.

Love, God healing light and prayers for your broken heart.