He was kicked out, again

[healinginside]

My son called today. A kind soul had given him some temporary housing in a boat cabin that was on their land. A couple of weeks ago they gave him a deadline and said you have until Thanksgiving to find a job and if you don't find a job by then, you will be kicked out. Well today was the day.

He could've just found a regular job doing anything. My son insists that he applied for 15 contracting jobs but well...nothing.

I and everyone around him said just get something simple (and then he could've probably been able to stay on the boat).

Now he has no place to go. His Dad won't let him back in his house.

I spoke to my son early this morning before he got kicked out. I spoke to him again after he got kicked out and I gave him $20. I also told him that every person that has try to help him I simply just told him get a regular job and it never works out. I'm frustrated and angry that this keeps happening bc I get physically dragged into this every time it happens. The gut punch.

Now his Dad just called and I didn't answer. My husband said the Dad is just calling to yell at me or vent or say something mean to make himself feel better. I cannot answer when my x calls. He was an abusive alcoholic that I walked away from when my son was a toddler. I struggled for the first two years as a single mom but then built an amazing life with my husband that I'm very proud of. I don't need anything from that man. I've never wanted or needed anything from that man. After I left him, I was awarded full custody in our divorce of my son and I took care of him. My son had a wonderful upbringing - we gave our children a very nice life.

I just know I'm in for a rough night. I keep telling my son he's the only person that can fix his life.

 

[KTMom91]

Sending many hugs and extra strength.

 

[BusynMember]

He had a chance. Fast food is always hiring. That's all he.needed to do.

Honestly, I think our troubled kids want to be taken care of for life without putting any effort into their lives. What can we do? Nothing. When they call us, they want something. Usually money.

They all seem to use the same life script. Our best bet in my opinion is to learn how to put ourselves first. NA and therapy helped us.

Prayers for you and yours.

 

[in a daze]

How stressful for you! And around the holidays! Sending positive thoughts and a prayer for you and your family.

 

[New Leaf]

Hi B,
I’m so sorry. It always seems that things ramp up during the holidays, which makes that old “gut punch” harder to bare. You have had some real challenges in your life with an abusive ex. I’m sure it must have been a rough road leaving and raising your son as a single mom. That must make dealing with his issues more difficult. I hope that you were able to have a decent holiday, despite the worries. You posted that you gave your children a nice life. I hope the other kids are doing okay. One thing that helps me is to remind myself that I spent so much time worrying and trying to fix my two wayward kids, that the ones who were doing well didn’t get the focus they deserved. Not that I neglected them, but I was not myself for a long time. Do something for you, to build yourself back up.

I just know I'm in for a rough night. I keep telling my son he's the only person that can fix his life.

I hope your night was not too rough. You are right, your son is the only person who can fix his life. Prayers for peace of mind and strength.
(((Hugs)))
New Leaf

 

[Crayola13]

I wouldn’t want a retail or fast food job this time of year, either, but the pay has nearly doubled in my town. $17 is still considered poverty level in my state, but it’s a $9 an hour increase from before the pandemic. Restaurants and retail stores around here are closing because they cannot find employees to work, even at a decent wage.

If he’s looking for contract remodeling work, those jobs usually stop mid-November until January because most people don’t want their kitchens and bathrooms torn apart during the holidays.

 

[healinginside]

Hi B,
I’m so sorry. It always seems that things ramp up during the holidays, which makes that old “gut punch” harder to bare. You have had some real challenges in your life with an abusive ex. I’m sure it must have been a rough road leaving and raising your son as a single mom. That must make dealing with his issues more difficult. I hope that you were able to have a decent holiday, despite the worries. You posted that you gave your children a nice life. I hope the other kids are doing okay. One thing that helps me is to remind myself that I spent so much time worrying and trying to fix my two wayward kids, that the ones who were doing well didn’t get the focus they deserved. Not that I neglected them, but I was not myself for a long time. Do something for you, to build yourself back up.

I hope your night was not too rough. You are right, your son is the only person who can fix his life. Prayers for peace of mind and strength.
(((Hugs)))
New Leaf

Thank you New Leaf, your responses give me resiliency. I do get frustrated that my daughter isn't getting the best version of me. It isn't fair to her. The good news is that I've been feeling stronger the last couple of days. Feeling like my old self, again. I have always said that when he gets tired of acting like this then he will change. Well now I am the one who is tired of acting like this. I want my life back. The one where I enjoyed life! Thank you for being here for me. It is hard to open up but your encouragement makes it worth it!

 

[healinginside]

I wouldn’t want a retail or fast food job this time of year, either, but the pay has nearly doubled in my town. $17 is still considered poverty level in my state, but it’s a $9 an hour increase from before the pandemic. Restaurants and retail stores around here are closing because they cannot find employees to work, even at a decent wage.

If he’s looking for contract remodeling work, those jobs usually stop mid-November until January because most people don’t want their kitchens and bathrooms torn apart during the holidays.

Yes, Crayola I agree about the contracting work. So true. I told him to get something, anything - get something easy. His Dad is now letting him stay on his property in a tent situation. This, I'm sure, will not last, but what am I to do with someone who won't help himself? I am the only person that I can control. I'm tired of living this life that I did not choose. I followed the rules and worked hard. Thank you for letting me vent and taking the time to respond. It helps get me one more day down this road.

 

[Blighty]

Brokeninside, my heart goes out to you. I feel the frustration. It resonates with my own on a similar matter. Same old, same old story. We can't change it.

 

[New Leaf]

Hi B,
I’m so glad you are feeling better. It is frustrating to say the least, when our loved ones go down this path. There are opportunities for them, but they don’t seem to want to live a “conventional” life where there are basic rules and boundaries. We didn’t raise our kids to be this way.

The good news is that I've been feeling stronger the last couple of days. Feeling like my old self, again. I have always said that when he gets tired of acting like this then he will change. Well now I am the one who is tired of acting like this. I want my life back. The one where I enjoyed life! Thank you for being here for me. It is hard to open up but your encouragement makes it worth it!

I’m glad you are feeling stronger. That is the goal, to stop feeling desperate over something we have no control over. It takes work and building up our self love and self respect. You have value, your life has meaning, despite the choices your son is making. To put aside our lives and focus only on their well being and state of mind is like jumping in front of an oncoming train. They are going to choose as they do, regardless of what we do, say or feel. I think the ultimate path is to focus on living the best we can and hope that they see that they can choose better, live better. That is entirely up to them. Keep your strength up and live for you, focus on your daughter. I have many times been through this “gut punch” too. It takes a while to catch my breath, but then I remember that all of my kids were just on loan to me to raise, that they will choose their life’s path as they wish. I find great relief in prayer. I also keep myself busy in hobbies and things that I enjoy. Grab your life by the reins girl! Our wayward kids have to learn from the consequences of their choices. They also have to learn to respect our boundaries, and we teach them that by not allowing them to degrade our lives.
Keep going, you got this!
New Leaf