Looking back~~

[wakeupcall]

Looking back.....when did you know that your difficult child was going to be in trouble as a teen? We've fought and fought for years (since age 4, and he's now 11 this month) trying to prevent what may be the worst possible teen behavior. I'm so fearful of his future. Now he's using the F word in the class. He doesn't hear that at home and I'm mortified.

 

[KFld]

I realized at a young age my difficult child was going to have troubled teen years, but I cannot remember the exact age. I think it was during his years that he was in cub scouts and there were a few very embarassing moments at meetings and functions that had mine and husband's hair standing on end. I got him into counseling at the school at a very young age with the school psychiatrists and whoever else we thought could help. Not sure if he would have been worse off if we hadn't done that, or if it didn't really help???

 

[1905]

In pre-school. Not having had any other children at that time, I didn't know what a "normal" kid acted like-I thought he was normal. But once he was around his peers,it became quite clear(to me and to teachers) something was not right-too many behavior issues. Over the years everything became worse. I think I should have been more proactive with the school system. Knowing what I know now, I would have tried to get him into the "behavior class". The focus should have been more on behaving in a socially acceptable manner, rather than all academics-for him. Try to push for something like that. Because of my difficult child's behavior issues, kids made fun-damaging his self-esteem, and the behaviors worsened. Look at my profile.-Alyssa

 

[SunnyFlorida]

A friend once told me that if she could do it over again she would have sent her difficult child to an Emotional growth boarding school.

I never knew why.....until now.

 

[janebrain]

Yes,
I guess I sort of "knew" from about age 3--at least I knew I had a challenging child. When she was in the preteen yrs I was dreading the teens years--it was no surprise to me that all hell broke loose when she turned 13.

 

[Nancy]

I knew very early on also. My difficult child never heard the words she used at home either. You have to start giving him consequences for his bad behavior. At some point you may have to involve the police. Your son is controlling your house and he is getting older, bigger and stronger all the time.

Nancy

 

[STILLjustamom]

Actually my son was a pretty "normal" kid up until he hit adolescence. I would say he started acting "angry" at about age 13/14 and we had many arguments about homework. I'm sure he was using marijuana by that time. It went downhill from there. If I could have afforded it I probably would have sent him to some sort of special school also but didn't have the means. It may not have made a difference anyway because he turned out to be bipolar with- antisocial personality disorder.
I don't know how you could prevent that.

 

[katskeeper]

I knew from about age three that I would have my hands full. I think I was kind of in denial about some of her irrational behavior though. We did send her to an emotional growth boarding school and although she is not doing great now, I think she learned tools that will help her in the long run. It was certainly no "cure". I did get to relax and sleep well for a year and a half though.

Has anyone read the book by Nancy Spungen's mom Deborah Spungen? "And I Don't Want to Live This Life: A Mother's Story of Her Daughter's Murder". Talk about a difficult child!

 

[ChefPaula1965]

Very early in Andre's life I would wonder why it was so hard to be a mom,
especially when I saw other people with their kids..
At 18 months he got kicked out of 2 day care centers for biting when angry..
finaly the 3rd day care put a string around his neck with a teething ring on it.. and taught him how to use that when angry... he bit through several...............
I blamed myself for having him when I was single........
Andre has been ahand full since day 1 literaly..
I was still in the hospital the day he was born.. and I was breastfeeding ..... I went to switch sides and he screamed so long and so hard he acualy turned red and then blue and passed out...
That really scared me as a single mom of only 24!!!!
If I had only known that it was going to be this hard!!! /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/coffeeBreak.gif

 

[Ephchap]

I also knew very early on. lol. My difficult child is my middle child, and he was a handfull from the time he hit 2 years old.

By the time he hit 13, he was at a fork in the road and unfortunately, he took the wrong route. He was a good student and athlete, though still getting in trouble, but he chose to drop out of sports and started with the wrong crowd and pot. It was a turning point. I always wonder if there was anything else we could have done that we didn't do that would have made him choose the other path - but I honestly can't think of a thing. We were always there for him, we were considered strict parents, we were involved in his life and in his sports (my husband either coached or helped coach his teams).

All I can suggest is to try to stay involved, and try with everything you have to push them in the right direction. It might or might not help, but at least you'll be able to not have the internal battle about the "what if". difficult children and hormones can wreak havoc on a family.

Hang in there.
Hugs,
Deb

 

[katskeeper]

Ephchap I can completely relate about the "fork in the road". Although a difficult child my D was a dedicated dancer from 6 to 16 she could have gone either way but at that point she decided to choose drugs and that lifestyle rather than dance. I think that's what separates our difficult child's from easy child's they don't have the mental skills to choose the right fork in the road and/or the attraction of the wrong path is strong for them.

 

[TYLERFAN]

I knew when she was a baby. Not that she would be difficult child per se, but that something was different. Her father abandoning her at age 8 had a profound affect and even changed her physical attributes. At 12 she started hanging around the wrong people, but much earlier I saw a deep need for acceptance and popularity from others which never seems to be quenched.
I don't know.....how we got here.

Blessings,
Melissa