Re: Private vs. Public....dillema

[totoro]

I dropped difficult child off at her private Waldorf program this morning and as I was leaving they were all outside playing (which I think is great, they let them play first, outside.)
So a dog starts barking... I can hear her little voice get louder and louder "dog barking" she keeps saying it. I can hear the anxiety, as she is running back and forth across the lawn arms waving, now yelling kind of hysterically "the dog is barking!!!"
No one did a thing I watched with easy child as the teacher said in her calm voice "oh why is the dog barking?" but no one went to difficult child and helped or tried to calm her...
I was so upset and sad watching her obviously struggle, luckily the dog stopped and she stopped.

Should I say something???
We have been holding off on a serious, what each of us expects from each other talk, until we have a psychiatrist. I gave her teacher a book on ADHD and she said she had worked with Sensory Integration Disorder (SID) before???

I am struggling with what and how much we can expect from a private school especially after reading the previous post.

She likes her school and does well, no explosions...

She is still in preschool only 3 days a week. but we are thinking of the future. and she is doing better here than she did at her previous Montessori. SO far...

 

[tiredmommy]

I think you will run into this sort of problem wherever your daughter is schooled. I found it was best to teach my Duckie techniques she could do to calm herself in such situations, such as deep breathing & stretching. It would be great if a responsible adult would help her through her overwhelmed moments, but they may not always be available when the adult to child ratio is greater than 1:1.

 

[totoro]

Yeah I just picked up difficult child from school and mentioned it to the teacher and she said "oh I thought she was just excited" Of course acted like I WAS WRONG.... I said no, she was distressed. I also mentioned if she could help her at lunch, she is very messy and doesn't notice. Of course today I sent non messy food because yesterday she came home with yogurt and jelly all over her. So her teacher looks at her and said well she looks ok.... Like I am crazy again.
If she had just said we will work on this or acted like she understood.... why do they have to act like we are crazy???

Is this how it always is private or public???? for the next 12 years???

 

[Fran]

totoro,
I understand your concern. You may have to make choices later on but if she is doing well enough in the program she is attending, allow her to be happy. Start to make a list of things you would like to see in a "perfect" system for your daughter so that when the time comes that difficult child is not happy you will have an idea of what you are looking for to help her.
There are pros and cons in both public and private. You will find them as time goes on as most of us have. In the meantime, you may want to start a Parent Report(found in the faq/board help forum).
Most of us learn that being adaptable and looking at what your child needs is really the way to help your child find her way.

 

[SRL]

I agree with Fran that if she is settled in I wouldn't rock the boat. You will find teachers and programs that are well suited or not so well suited for your child in both private and public settings.

One thing that is advisable is to go ahead and request a full evaluation through the public school district if you haven't already done so. As you can see from reading here there are times when parents have no choice but to put their children into public schools for various reasons. The process for determining eligibility for services and getting those into place can take several months but if that's done ahead of time that time can be cut significantly. This will sound like a total hassle if it's not already done--especially since you're going through the private route right now. But things can change very quickly in gfgdom and it can be a lifesaver should you ever find yourself in that position.

 

[totoro]

Fran
your right- adaptable .... yes.

I just thought when you go private you get more??? But that was before we really knew something was "wrong". She does like the program. That is about all I can ask for right now.
( but they don't push any academics until later on) I believe 1st grade. It is definately different but with her personality, I think good for her.

I think I need to lighten up a bit...too much stress.

 

[Running_for_the_shelter]

Unless you are in a program geared for the difficult child cubs, you don't get "more" when you go private. In my experience with three private schools, I believe that you only get "more" if you're a easy child and the "more" is enrichment, etc. It's my opinion that the difficult child gets ... less. The private schools have cubs queued up to enter and they pick the cubs they want. I have found that they'll talk a good talk about meeting individual children's needs etc but when it comes to difficult child behavior, they don't have to take it and they won't. After three private school attempts, I have my cub in 1/2 day public Kindergarten. He's doing quite well. Hasn't been sent home yet and that's a flipping record. I know I'm repeating myself, but if it's not a difficult child-geared private school, I don't think you'll be getting the "more" you think you're paying for. Good luck.

 

[transformtriumph]

As others mentioned, the important thing is what is best for your child---whether public or private. Waldorf may have a different way of handling things than you are used to. However, you say that your daughter is doing well there. That is so important. The Waldorf philosophy can work well with many of our kids.

 

[totoro]

The Waldorf philosophy is what we thought our difficult child needed, before we really knew all that was going on. The open, not so structured, play more, less pressure school!!! They are very nurturing and into healing the "whole" child. Our biggest issue right now I guess is they think all of this can be healed with "nature" and love and don't really believe in medicating. Which is fine and good, but we all know how hard that is when we are actually faced with these decisions and the last thing you want is some hippy telling you are a bad person...and harming your child. The other thing is the parents feel the same way, most of them. So you feel like you are getting ganged up on when the topic comes up. Not that anyone needs to know, but you know how small towns are.

So we are going to keep her in as long as they are meeting her needs and we have yet to medicate. So we will cross that bridge so to speak...

 

[tiredmommy]

Totoro-
I'm sure you will make the best possible choice for your child regarding medication. Always remember, you are the expert on your child. :warrior:

 

[Wishing]

I would have been upset about the dog incident as well. I would have brought it to the teacher's attention as well. I had my child in a private school for the 1st semester of kindergarten. The private school was ideal. It had 12 students and a wonderful teacher. The public school we went to 2nd semester was terrible bc the teacher was overwhelmed and had 30 kids. However the next year was terrific mainly bc we had teacher choice and I requested a teacher who was awesome. By this time I talked to people as did others in the school system. The people who first put in their requests got their choice.The teacher sets the tone. It goes better with a teacher that will work with the parent.

 

[transformtriumph]

I do know some Waldorf parents who have very challenging kids. They use homeopathic medicine, which does not have the side effects of psychiatric medications, and have had very good results. As with all medical professionals, it's important to find the right homeopath who is familiar with our kids.