Acacia
Well-Known Member
It has come to this, and I know many wise members have dealt with this kind of scary situation. I posted in November how I co-signed a lease with my 36 year old ds when I thought he was turning things around. I was worried that he couldn't pay the rent, but within a few months I got concerned because he seemed to have excess cash - two cars, a truck, and a motorcycle, so I thought he might be dealing (he already has a felony for that). I voiced my concerns and asked him to have his mail go to his place, and he became enraged, intimidating, and verbally abusive.
I did not cut contact, which many of you advised but I did not see him in person. The lease is up on March 31st. On Saturday he forwarded an email from the landlord requesting he vacate the apt. by Feb. 28th because of suspected drug activity/dealing, numerous incidents, etc. The landlord forwarded his concerns to the police department. My son said none of it is true and wanted to talk to me, so "we would be on the same page" with the landlord.
I refused and texted my son last night that I would only communicate with me son via text/email because of his gaslighting, manipulation, etc. He immediately called. I did not answer. I turned off the phone. When I turned on the phone, every text was gaslighting, manipulation, desperation, with the last two messages in caps that he is going to kill himself tonight.
I emailed him the following:
When I tried to voice my concerns and set boundaries with you about mail and the electricity in November, you became enraged with me and called me an old lady scumbag and insulted me. You then intimidated me into backing down from reasonable requests and put me on speaker phone to mock me to your friends. That's the reason I stopped communicating with you.
I have tried over and over again to help you. I was willing to co-sign a lease, but did not expect to do the electricity, but I did while you have never respected my boundary about the mail. I have been asking for years. I do not want to be involved with the issues with the apartment or with any financial, legal, or other issues for which you should be responsible.
You are an adult, and, yes, at almost seventy, I am an old lady. It is unfair to blame, gaslight, and manipulate me. I went to the doctor today because your behavior is negatively affecting my health.
I take your desperation and suicidality seriously, but I am not what is causing it. I pray that you get help. Anything you want to say to me, you can email me. I cannot stand up to you because you intimidate and rage at me, and I have been negatively affected and heartbroken for years.
I have no knowledge about or power to address the concerns that the apartment manager has brought against you. If the accusations are not true, I still don't want to be involved. It is not my issue. Not wanting to be responsible for you has nothing to do with loving you and wanting the best for you though I know you will never believe that.
I shut off my phone. I am sitting here crying, but I am resolved not to do this anymore. I have to let go, let God.
My husband thinks I should go away for the week in case my son gets more desperate, but my son hates my husband, and I don't want to leave him here by himself.
Thanks to all of who share your compassion and wisdom walking this path.
I did not cut contact, which many of you advised but I did not see him in person. The lease is up on March 31st. On Saturday he forwarded an email from the landlord requesting he vacate the apt. by Feb. 28th because of suspected drug activity/dealing, numerous incidents, etc. The landlord forwarded his concerns to the police department. My son said none of it is true and wanted to talk to me, so "we would be on the same page" with the landlord.
I refused and texted my son last night that I would only communicate with me son via text/email because of his gaslighting, manipulation, etc. He immediately called. I did not answer. I turned off the phone. When I turned on the phone, every text was gaslighting, manipulation, desperation, with the last two messages in caps that he is going to kill himself tonight.
I emailed him the following:
When I tried to voice my concerns and set boundaries with you about mail and the electricity in November, you became enraged with me and called me an old lady scumbag and insulted me. You then intimidated me into backing down from reasonable requests and put me on speaker phone to mock me to your friends. That's the reason I stopped communicating with you.
I have tried over and over again to help you. I was willing to co-sign a lease, but did not expect to do the electricity, but I did while you have never respected my boundary about the mail. I have been asking for years. I do not want to be involved with the issues with the apartment or with any financial, legal, or other issues for which you should be responsible.
You are an adult, and, yes, at almost seventy, I am an old lady. It is unfair to blame, gaslight, and manipulate me. I went to the doctor today because your behavior is negatively affecting my health.
I take your desperation and suicidality seriously, but I am not what is causing it. I pray that you get help. Anything you want to say to me, you can email me. I cannot stand up to you because you intimidate and rage at me, and I have been negatively affected and heartbroken for years.
I have no knowledge about or power to address the concerns that the apartment manager has brought against you. If the accusations are not true, I still don't want to be involved. It is not my issue. Not wanting to be responsible for you has nothing to do with loving you and wanting the best for you though I know you will never believe that.
I shut off my phone. I am sitting here crying, but I am resolved not to do this anymore. I have to let go, let God.
My husband thinks I should go away for the week in case my son gets more desperate, but my son hates my husband, and I don't want to leave him here by himself.
Thanks to all of who share your compassion and wisdom walking this path.