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  1. toughlovin

    I have the worst news ever. He’s deceased.

    I am so sorry..... I havent been on for awhile and just go on to see updates. I remember your story from a few years ago and I remember your hope and happiness when he got into recovery. I am so so sorry for your loss. Its all so sad. So I am thinking of you tonight.
  2. toughlovin

    Sad but God's plan

    Trying, I am sorry you are having a tough time. I hope you find a good alanon meeting,especially one for parents. The focus of alanon is on you not your son....and I think trying to figure out how you can enjoy your life and your hopefully your marriage in spite of your son will help a lot...
  3. toughlovin

    Harm Reduction and Acceptance

    I havent been on much....but I think of all of you often and the difficulties we all face. I have been thinking about these two things lately. When I first came to this site years ago my son was homeless and about 19 and I had hopes that tough love (hence my name) would help him get his act...
  4. toughlovin

    A little bit of hope.

    Copa - No matter what happens it is really good that he followed through and got the volunteer position. That is something. Thinking about you and hoping along with you. TL
  5. toughlovin

    Need ideas please

    Another thought if you dont want her to use her card and assuming it available is to set up an uber account for her and have her take uber to school and back.
  6. toughlovin

    Is it easier with multiple children?

    Others have made great points about acceptance. I highly doubt that I will ever have the loving caring mutual relationship with my son that I wish for. This makes me very sad. I do however have a great relationship with mu daughter and yes in some ways I do think this makes the loss with my son...
  7. toughlovin

    Enabling or not?

    I think I would just tell him you are not going to talk to him when he talks to you that way. Dont discuss if you will or wont help him while he is calling you names. Next time he calls and starts being abusive hang up on him. My son also gets this way and I no longer talknto him when he is...
  8. toughlovin

    Lies: Wants money because shelter not safe/open

    I have totally been where you are. When my son was homeless and on the streets in the middle of winter was the hardest time in my life. Its excrutiating at times. Where we got to was we will help him when he is willing to help himself (which usually means treatment). We have had many iterations...
  9. toughlovin

    Vaping deaths and Kay make me worry

    I will say I think a lot depends on the person. To me its like alcohol many people can drink socially with no problem. Many people can smoke pot once in a while no problem. The fact my daughter has smoked pot on occasion doesnt worry me because she shows no sign of being an addict to any drugs...
  10. toughlovin

    Vaping deaths and Kay make me worry

    Well I am worried too. My son vapes. Hes been smoking since he was a young teen. He is now 27. We thought vaping was safer than regular cigarettes. We saw him tonight and I asked him about it. He said the vaping deaths are due to people getting vape juice from the street rather than good vape...
  11. toughlovin

    The FB post

    Oh Busy those phone calls are so hard. I dont know the friends tone when she called but it could be she saw kays post and was worried and thought you should know. Several times over the years I have gotten phone calls (or messages via fb messenger) from someone my son had messaged sounding like...
  12. toughlovin

    My mother called the police

    I agree it sounds like more than pot. Did you tell the police about his threats? If you did they should have talked about other options than him staying in the home. Yes take care of your safety.
  13. toughlovin

    How to respond?

    Good for you Beta!!! You gave him the meesage that you love him....and I suspect after a bit he will feel bad about being so crummy to you. Much more effective than trying to make him see all you have done for him! I know when I stay calm and dont take the bait the results are much better.
  14. toughlovin

    How to respond?

    I have found when my son goes to that place and baits me in some way, like telling me that I did something awful and will never meet my grandchildren (who do not yet exist) that if I stay calm and rational and say I did the best I could with what I knew at the time...and that will be your choice...
  15. toughlovin

    Don't want addictive substances in home

    One thing to think about (and maybe you already have) is what you will do if they break the rule of no substances in your house. If they are using there is a good chance they will bring them in. At least this is what we found.....and after my son left our home we found all kinds of drug...
  16. toughlovin

    How to respond?

    I think sometimes as people are figuring out issues they go thru phases where they blame their parents. And sometimes as they mature that phase passes. He may have needed to tell you what he felt but is not in a place where he wants to explore it. You dont need to defend yourself since you did...
  17. toughlovin

    Don't want addictive substances in home

    I think it's reasonable ro not want addictive substances in your home given your families history and predisposition to addiction. Any psychiatrist treating your kids should know about this history. I would tell your kids that of they want to live in your home and be on these medications they...
  18. toughlovin

    How do I sleep at night?

    tamarann hugs to you. Sometimes it is hard to sleep at night. There have been times where I just had to say the serenity prayer over and over to myself to get to sleep. I think the fact your son said to let him figure it out is a good sign. And if its any comfort there are supports for the...
  19. toughlovin

    To Surrender or Not...My 2 yr old

    OK I have no idea how things work in your state but through my past job I did have an idea how things work with DSS in my state. First let me say no judgement from me, you really stepped up to the plate to care for this baby and are now facing financial issues and issues of the parents...
  20. toughlovin

    Homeless Son's Birthday. Need advice!

    Chase - Did you come to a decision. I like Copas advice and words on what to say. Personally I like the idea of a gift card better than a motel 6. I am not sure why exactly but giving him a hotel room for one night might feel like you are rubbing salt in the wound..., you know this is where...
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