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I have a 38 year old son who sounds much like your stepson. I was kept in a FOG of fear, obligation, and guilt for two decades, especially because my ex, his father allowed him to drink and get high at age 11. I enabled because I felt guilty and was sure my son would change if I showed him how...

My 43 year old daughter with mental health/addiction issues cut me out of her life. I love her and always will, but because I chose to stop enabling, she wants nothing to do with me. Twelve step, prayer, and choosing to be grateful for the blessings I do have help me to move on, but I think the...

One of the main reasons I come to this site is to feel less alone and to learn from the strength and wisdom of those who have traveled similar difficult paths with addicted loved ones. Because of the non-judgement and compassion of the members here and my own personal work, I am much healthier...

Hi New Leaf, I am on and off this site. Since I have stopped enabling as much, my two oldest don't have much use for me, and like with yours, what I would think are rock bottoms have not set them on healthier paths. I have always appreciated your posts - looking at things with clear eyes no...

As others have said, our stories mirror each others'. The trick, I think, is living with the heartbreak, but still being able to find joy in life. I'll always have a broken heart about two of my three adult children - one a 37 year old grandiose, mean addict, the other a forty-two borderline...

As others have said, our stories mirror each others'. The trick, I think, is living with the heartbreak, but still being able to find joy in life. I'll always have a broken heart about two of my three adult children - one a 37 year old grandiose, mean addict, the other a forty-two borderline...

As others here have said, unfortunately, sometimes it is necessary to cut contact. My 41 year old borderline daughter cut contact with me hasn't spoken to me for 5 years. I love her, but the verbal abuse, manipulation, and using me became intolerable. When I set boundaries, she cut me off. It...

Carri, I have not seen my 42 year old borderline, addicted daughter and my two grandchildren for 5 years. This past week was my daughter and granddaughter's birthdays. Those are hard days. When I stopped enabling my daughter, she refused to have any contact with me, and she's been true to...

I agree with what others have said to you about keeping your boundary of your daughter not returning to live with you. Yes, it hurts to see them hurting, and that's when our defenses come down, but my experience over many years is that it never helped in the end. The hopes I had that allowing...

There's a lot to celebrate here. There's a 12 step saying that expectations are just pre-meditated resentments. She will never be just like you. I would be so thankful if my troubled daughter made the progress your daughter has. I haven't seen my grandchildren in five years. You can feel...

I have been in the position you find yourselves in - of having a daughter show up on my doorstep pregnant with a small child also. We took her in many times, but there came a point where we could not do it any more. She brought chaos with her, and was only momentarily grateful. Not taking her...

I am so sorry that you find yourself in such a difficult situation. It's hard to imagine a family member being the one who hurts us. I can so relate to what you are going through because I have a 36 year old son who is verbally abusive and sees himself as the victim even though he is the one...

You say to report your son would wreck his semester. He is wrecking your life. This is a scary situation. If he is a danger to others and himself, he needs to be held accountable. That is not unkind. Please seek help. You are a domestic violence victim. You deserve to be safe. You can...

Good for you for recognizing that getting out on bail might put your son in more danger. I've recently gone back to Nar Anon, along with my Codependents Anonymous meeting. I really like the meetings I've found on line. It helps to be in the company of non-judgmental people sharing similar...

I'm glad you found us. There is a lot of wisdom and empathy on this site. No one will judge you for the things you do, such as paying for a lawyer, but over time you may find that the only one who can save your son is himself. I spent years paying for lawyers, apartments, visiting my son in...

Thanks, New Leaf. It's good to hear from you. Yeah, having our kids lurk around the house is unnerving. I threatened to call the police on my son because he was sleeping in our tree house when expressly forbidden on the property. Thanks for the thoughts on the mail. This is my next big...

Oh, pasajes. Take care of yourself. Your instincts are right. Your body breaking into a sweat is speaking to you. You can love your son, but you cannot save him, especially at the expense of you and your peaceful new life. Every time I tried to rescue either of my difficult children, except...

How true. We love our children, hold onto hope, and keep our hearts open, but until and unless they get help and take responsibility for their own lives, they are most likely to use and hurt us, intentionally or not. It's so easy to take advantage of kind people.

Welcome, Glenna. Busy and Copa are spot on with their thoughts. Oh boy, can I relate to your story. My 41 year old daughter is borderline with substance abuse and has two children though younger than yours. Over the years I have tried and tried to help her and also took her in as you did...

I'm glad you found us. It's really difficult when one divorced parent undermines the other parent and enables the children. That happened to me with my ex, and it was so damaging. Long story. It almost sounds as though your daughter and ex have a campaign against you and your husband. It...