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PS I cannot recommend enough the book : Stop Caretaking the Borderline Or Narcissist: How to End the Drama and Get on with Life by Margalis Fjelstad, and getting counselling online IMMEDIATELY (I used Betterhelp.) Hugs to you!

Hi, finally managed to log back in, sorry for absence!! First of all, please re-read Busy's advice above. It, sadly is the truth and I have learned this over the past four years. If you know my posts you will know you could be me. My son had us all running after him, calling police, crisis team...

Thanks everyone for your replies and expansions on the thread! I think we should have a forum called Venus and Mars or something about partners issues... they can have conduct disorders too lol xx:fightings: Not much to report, air has not been fully cleared between us, I haven't replied to son...

Thanks everyone for your replies and expansions on the thread! I think we should have a forum called Venus and Mars or something about partners issues... they can have conduct disorders too lol xx:fightings:

Hi again Busy. Sorry for late reply - your last paragraph is spot on. I definitely did it for ME! I felt at peace and happy after I'd sent son the money. But it's complicated too. I sent the money because I had no idea what my son's state of mind was that Christmas Day. I feared the worst and I...

Thanks so much for this Mamacat! I really get it that the grief is not worth it. It is enough that I have agonised over it whether it's right or wrong. I don't need a lecture about it, but I do understand he is upset and he is now being 'off' with me, I expect we will have to have another row to...

Copa, I can't thank you enough for this response, it made me cry (in a good way). It puts my feelings into such eloquent words. Yes you are like me, but you are also like everyone here, and that is because you are so empathetic. You take all our feelings and experiences on, and have such a deep...

Coco, thank you for your positive thoughts and good wishes. It's REALLY hard not to think, "OK, next time I WON"T tell you!" - I told son that a response to the gift was not necessary, but he (hard not to suspect son of wishing to stir it up between hubs and myself) did email me back and said a...

Nomad, you are so kind to take the time to respond in the midst of your terrible trouble. I hope you have been able to find a little peace and happiness this Christmas. Yes I have promised hubs and myself I will not do it again. I felt that Omicron, which has cancelled everything, plus a little...

Hi Busy! Thanks so much to you and everyone else for taking the time from your holidays to reply to my 'little lapse'. You struck a chord when you mentioned how you were neglecting your family by only worrying about Kay. I have a greatly loved daughter who made an effort to go get herself tested...

Hi Acacia thank you! You are right to point out that difficult adult children aren't changed by financial help, I can't think of any kids on this forum who have ever been changed by it. I did it to stop my feelings of FOG, to just-in-case stop son from taking steps to harm himself, to show him...

Copa you are so wise. To be fair, I am putting the word 'betrayed' down here to describe his reaction as I understand it. Yes I am letting it settle, I told him I would not do it again, but i think it will be some time before he forgives me, he is a slow burn kind of person and though he is good...

Hi everyone and I so hope you are finding some peace and happiness this Christmas. My son has been asking me for money on and off since September (see "threatening email" post from 3 months back.) I know it's really hard for him to keep going in the big city with rent to pay and has recently (as...

Hi Heather, I've been meaning to post but my laptop broke and it took me a while to get around to logging back in here. My experience may be useful and it's relevant to Good Vibes's sage advice, mainly in that I don't think we followed it! My son who is now 25 and is troubled, (can't look after...

Amazing how we have to be super sleuths to find out where they are and what they are doing!! Glad to hear he is OK! Now have a weekend doing something for YOU!!

I feel for you Helpless! So sorry you are having to go through this over and over. I am also worried about my son. Hope we both hear they are OK soon. Hang in there and try not to think about him 24/7. I know how hard it is! Hugs and keep posting

Dear Acacia, I really understand what it's like to fear our own sons. So far, my son hasn't shown anything like the scary behaviour that yours has, but I do fear his mental state, his anger toward us and his turning up at our house unexpectedly. And recently he has been asking us for money. I...

Please don't blame yourself Helpless! It's so easy to feel that ANYTHING bad that happens is somehow our fault. My son knows I am all too ready to take on the blame for anything that happens to him so he feeds it by blaming me and his Dad for everything, even for rescuing him when he asked us...

Jay Pee said: " Sorry to hear that nothing has changed. I agree with Busy. No good will come from letting him come back home. You will have "maybe" a day or a few hours of feeling comfort in knowing he has a place to rest his head and food in his belly and that you know where he is. But I...

Thanks so much JMom. I'm just reading (as I'm sure you are) Zopdrop's latest update and it resonates so much. My son (afaik) is not an addict, but the FOG of him returning home is the same. Zopdrop says the fact that he is her son makes a difference, and that is the stumbling block for many of...