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Parent Emeritus
10 months later...
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<blockquote data-quote="elizabrary" data-source="post: 750457" data-attributes="member: 11235"><p>I have an adopted son who I also adopted when he was 13. It was a long haul and still is because of the abuse and neglect he suffered throughout his life. Likely the same thing is going on with your foster son, which is why he's so desperate to find a girl to love him unconditionally. That trauma never really goes away and I know my son avoids dealing with it like the plague. I also wanted to mention that he's likely "behaving" for his girlfriend's family because he is insecure with them. He knows you will love him no matter what. He is unsure where he stands with these people so he is using all his energy to try and impress them and make them accept him. I would suggest you pull back and let him figure things out. Try and turn your focus on yourself and do things that make you happy. When you have some space from him it's easier to be more objective and see the relationship more clearly. Also, when you are able to be more relaxed about your relationship with him it makes communication easier and things will settle down. I have taken several communication breaks from my daughter and they have really helped. It doesn't have to be forever. Sending you peace.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="elizabrary, post: 750457, member: 11235"] I have an adopted son who I also adopted when he was 13. It was a long haul and still is because of the abuse and neglect he suffered throughout his life. Likely the same thing is going on with your foster son, which is why he's so desperate to find a girl to love him unconditionally. That trauma never really goes away and I know my son avoids dealing with it like the plague. I also wanted to mention that he's likely "behaving" for his girlfriend's family because he is insecure with them. He knows you will love him no matter what. He is unsure where he stands with these people so he is using all his energy to try and impress them and make them accept him. I would suggest you pull back and let him figure things out. Try and turn your focus on yourself and do things that make you happy. When you have some space from him it's easier to be more objective and see the relationship more clearly. Also, when you are able to be more relaxed about your relationship with him it makes communication easier and things will settle down. I have taken several communication breaks from my daughter and they have really helped. It doesn't have to be forever. Sending you peace. [/QUOTE]
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