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15 year old daughter now sexually active and I don't know how to handle this!
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<blockquote data-quote="kwgirl" data-source="post: 558619" data-attributes="member: 15450"><p>I did a google search because I am going through almost the exact same thing and so relieved to find this sight. My daughter is 14 and her boyfriend just turned 16 last week. I have always had very open communication about sex amongst other things with my daughters and always believed that my girls would come to me first before having sex so we can be prepared. Boy was I wrong! With both of my girls, my older daughter is 17 now, I found out through someone else. Talk about heartbreaking, devastating and embarrassing. Not because the sex was happening but because I felt we were closer than that. With my oldest, she was with her boyfriend for 3 years so I expected it, but still figured I would know because it was something we talked about but she always maintained that they hadnt gotten that far yet. But with my 14 year old, she has only been with this boy for 6 months. Why does she feel it's alresady time to take that extra step? And why not give me the chance to talk to her about it before it happened. Not that it would have changed anything but at least I wouldnt feel like I was betrayed. I'm sick to my stomach with hurt and going back and forth with acceptance and the pain of not knowing. And then this overwhelming feeling of infuriating anger about how young she is and now can't turn back no matter what. I feel helpless and stuck and cant talk to anyone about it. I could never tell my husband who I share everything with becuase I am not sure how he would deal with this her being so young. And, I never told him about my oldest, who is not sexually active now or since, as far as I know. She how could i tell him about my baby an d not throw in that my oldest also has had sex already? </p><p></p><p>We love her boyfriend and would never forbid them to see each other, but now knowing that they are having sex...I mean, I don't think I will ever let them be alone again..EVER! </p><p></p><p>Oh and by the way, yesterday his mother asked me to meet asap to discuss something about our kids. Of course I knew what it had to be but wasnt expecting the story to be that her son came to her asking her to buy them the morning after pill because they had sex and the condom broke. She said no way and that she had to tell me because if anything I should be the one to buy that for my daughter if it is necessary. Thankfully she has a head on her shoulders and she informed me even after her son threatened to never speak to her again if she did. So, of course my daughter is furious with her boyfriend's mother because she says it wasn't her place to tell me. Meanwhile, her boyfriend's mother was literally on her way to the hospital from our meeting to go be by the side of her 18 year old pregnant daughter while she gave birth to a baby girl. Of course she wasnt going to keep this from me and she has reason to worry about her 16 year old son and his 14 year old girlfriend having sex already! She wanted to make sure I got my daughter protection so we don't have another surprise and these kids can have a future with no unwanted pregnancies. </p><p></p><p>So, I am so torn about how to handle things now that it is actually happening. I reacted differently with my older daughter when I found out. I t was way after the fact and I knew they were together for a long period of time. I remember being 16 and having a serious boyfriend. I was more upset that I didnt hear it from her and she showed remorse about that. But, my youngest, my baby, I can't decide what I am more upset about. That I didnt know or that it is happening..or that it happened and now I have no control..I am so confused!!! </p><p></p><p>I do thank G-d that they used protection and will continue to make sure I support that. I am also grateful that I know at all but it is still very hard. I am concerened that if/when my husband does find out he will be mad that I kept it from him. But I am more concerned that I will betray their trust if I do tell him and I dont want that either.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="kwgirl, post: 558619, member: 15450"] I did a google search because I am going through almost the exact same thing and so relieved to find this sight. My daughter is 14 and her boyfriend just turned 16 last week. I have always had very open communication about sex amongst other things with my daughters and always believed that my girls would come to me first before having sex so we can be prepared. Boy was I wrong! With both of my girls, my older daughter is 17 now, I found out through someone else. Talk about heartbreaking, devastating and embarrassing. Not because the sex was happening but because I felt we were closer than that. With my oldest, she was with her boyfriend for 3 years so I expected it, but still figured I would know because it was something we talked about but she always maintained that they hadnt gotten that far yet. But with my 14 year old, she has only been with this boy for 6 months. Why does she feel it's alresady time to take that extra step? And why not give me the chance to talk to her about it before it happened. Not that it would have changed anything but at least I wouldnt feel like I was betrayed. I'm sick to my stomach with hurt and going back and forth with acceptance and the pain of not knowing. And then this overwhelming feeling of infuriating anger about how young she is and now can't turn back no matter what. I feel helpless and stuck and cant talk to anyone about it. I could never tell my husband who I share everything with becuase I am not sure how he would deal with this her being so young. And, I never told him about my oldest, who is not sexually active now or since, as far as I know. She how could i tell him about my baby an d not throw in that my oldest also has had sex already? We love her boyfriend and would never forbid them to see each other, but now knowing that they are having sex...I mean, I don't think I will ever let them be alone again..EVER! Oh and by the way, yesterday his mother asked me to meet asap to discuss something about our kids. Of course I knew what it had to be but wasnt expecting the story to be that her son came to her asking her to buy them the morning after pill because they had sex and the condom broke. She said no way and that she had to tell me because if anything I should be the one to buy that for my daughter if it is necessary. Thankfully she has a head on her shoulders and she informed me even after her son threatened to never speak to her again if she did. So, of course my daughter is furious with her boyfriend's mother because she says it wasn't her place to tell me. Meanwhile, her boyfriend's mother was literally on her way to the hospital from our meeting to go be by the side of her 18 year old pregnant daughter while she gave birth to a baby girl. Of course she wasnt going to keep this from me and she has reason to worry about her 16 year old son and his 14 year old girlfriend having sex already! She wanted to make sure I got my daughter protection so we don't have another surprise and these kids can have a future with no unwanted pregnancies. So, I am so torn about how to handle things now that it is actually happening. I reacted differently with my older daughter when I found out. I t was way after the fact and I knew they were together for a long period of time. I remember being 16 and having a serious boyfriend. I was more upset that I didnt hear it from her and she showed remorse about that. But, my youngest, my baby, I can't decide what I am more upset about. That I didnt know or that it is happening..or that it happened and now I have no control..I am so confused!!! I do thank G-d that they used protection and will continue to make sure I support that. I am also grateful that I know at all but it is still very hard. I am concerened that if/when my husband does find out he will be mad that I kept it from him. But I am more concerned that I will betray their trust if I do tell him and I dont want that either. [/QUOTE]
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15 year old daughter now sexually active and I don't know how to handle this!
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