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16 Year Old Son Imploding
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<blockquote data-quote="CDN_DAD_in_tough" data-source="post: 729701" data-attributes="member: 21175"><p>wow there's a whole lot in this thread that is amazingly familiar to me. My 16 yr old ( I have a 12 year old as well who lives with my ex wife and who is a pretty normal kid) has many of the traits discussed here. My wife and I are divorced now and I'm in my own apartment. The problem child lives with me (mom kicked him out shortly after I moved out when we separated because he opened the doors of her house up to a bunch of strangers and had a party while she was out one evening. She came home to a trashed house full of losers she didn't know!) He had been a tough kid to manage since the age of probably 6 or 7 - he seemed to need to be the focus of attention all the time and he would constantly do things to sabotage any family outings. He started giving me the finger and telling me to f off by about 9 and his behavior caused no end of difficulty for us on a daily basis. Last year, things got violent on several occasions between myself and him. Yep. I got physical. We had a few wrestling matches - I was utterly at my wits end after months of being made late for work every day because he's refuse to get moving in the morning. He'd just lay there in bed as I tried repeatedly to wake him and get him moving - often rolling over enough to give me the finger. This is when he was 14-15! I couldn't take it anymore and tried to pull him phyisically out of bed and we went at it a couple times. The police and CFS were involved (well they were involved prior to that as well) but the file was closed when they determined I truly was trying my best to manage this kid who was completely unreasonable. </p><p></p><p>He skipped most of the year of school last year and still skips many classes. He also does nothing to clean up his space or help with anything. Loads up dishes of food and drink and takes them to his room, leaves it half un-eaten to rot until I go in and get them myself. </p><p></p><p>And I do go in and get them. I do his laundry once a week too. And I clean his room on the occasions when he goes somewhere and I can get in there for a bit. I do this because I no longer have any interest in fighting with him to change him or get him to straighten out. We're just putting in time trying to get through the days at this point. He'll have to make his own way soon and he's going to learn how badly he's messed his life up. I'll be sad, but I can't do anything about it because he utterly refuses to accept any outside influence from anyone who cares about him. I have my apartment set up so that he has a room and I mostly leave him to it. I give him $5 every morning - I do this because I used to make him a lunch every day but I kept finding the food on the floor of his room petrified. So I leave him a $5 on the bathroom vanity every morning when I get ready. I don't care what he does with it. It's worth it to me just to know I'm not wasting time and money making him a nice lunch. I bend quite a bit to his demands. But I have limits and I try and enforce those as best I can. But I've definitely pretty much detached from him and no longer really try to get through his wall of anger and irrational hatred and bizarre resentment. He and I communicate primarily via text message - even when we are ten feet apart at home. Any actual conversation between us that lasts more than a couple sentences ends up with him telling me he hates me and to <img src="/community/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/2012/censored2.gif" class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":censored2:" title="censored2 :censored2:" data-shortname=":censored2:" /> off. I can't even begin to comprehend how a person can possibly hold on to such anger for such a consistent long period of time. It seems insane!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="CDN_DAD_in_tough, post: 729701, member: 21175"] wow there's a whole lot in this thread that is amazingly familiar to me. My 16 yr old ( I have a 12 year old as well who lives with my ex wife and who is a pretty normal kid) has many of the traits discussed here. My wife and I are divorced now and I'm in my own apartment. The problem child lives with me (mom kicked him out shortly after I moved out when we separated because he opened the doors of her house up to a bunch of strangers and had a party while she was out one evening. She came home to a trashed house full of losers she didn't know!) He had been a tough kid to manage since the age of probably 6 or 7 - he seemed to need to be the focus of attention all the time and he would constantly do things to sabotage any family outings. He started giving me the finger and telling me to f off by about 9 and his behavior caused no end of difficulty for us on a daily basis. Last year, things got violent on several occasions between myself and him. Yep. I got physical. We had a few wrestling matches - I was utterly at my wits end after months of being made late for work every day because he's refuse to get moving in the morning. He'd just lay there in bed as I tried repeatedly to wake him and get him moving - often rolling over enough to give me the finger. This is when he was 14-15! I couldn't take it anymore and tried to pull him phyisically out of bed and we went at it a couple times. The police and CFS were involved (well they were involved prior to that as well) but the file was closed when they determined I truly was trying my best to manage this kid who was completely unreasonable. He skipped most of the year of school last year and still skips many classes. He also does nothing to clean up his space or help with anything. Loads up dishes of food and drink and takes them to his room, leaves it half un-eaten to rot until I go in and get them myself. And I do go in and get them. I do his laundry once a week too. And I clean his room on the occasions when he goes somewhere and I can get in there for a bit. I do this because I no longer have any interest in fighting with him to change him or get him to straighten out. We're just putting in time trying to get through the days at this point. He'll have to make his own way soon and he's going to learn how badly he's messed his life up. I'll be sad, but I can't do anything about it because he utterly refuses to accept any outside influence from anyone who cares about him. I have my apartment set up so that he has a room and I mostly leave him to it. I give him $5 every morning - I do this because I used to make him a lunch every day but I kept finding the food on the floor of his room petrified. So I leave him a $5 on the bathroom vanity every morning when I get ready. I don't care what he does with it. It's worth it to me just to know I'm not wasting time and money making him a nice lunch. I bend quite a bit to his demands. But I have limits and I try and enforce those as best I can. But I've definitely pretty much detached from him and no longer really try to get through his wall of anger and irrational hatred and bizarre resentment. He and I communicate primarily via text message - even when we are ten feet apart at home. Any actual conversation between us that lasts more than a couple sentences ends up with him telling me he hates me and to :censored2: off. I can't even begin to comprehend how a person can possibly hold on to such anger for such a consistent long period of time. It seems insane! [/QUOTE]
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