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16 Year Old Son Imploding
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<blockquote data-quote="CDN_DAD_in_tough" data-source="post: 729717" data-attributes="member: 21175"><p>I don’t know if i’d call it patience really. It’s mostly just a survival mechanism. I have some hope that there will be a time when he wakes up and realizes that he can’t go through life this way, but we’ll see. He’s basically pathologically selfish - there seems to never be a time when he pauses and considers the effects his actions have on other people. All that matters is whatever he wants at any given time and he’ll go to pretty extreme lengths if he doesn’t get his way. He also has significant boundary issues. Anything sitting around in any common area is considered by him to be free for the taking if he decides he wants it. I keep my bedroom door locked whenever I go out and anything I don’t want him to have stays in there. I mean even my freakin deodorant stick in the bathroom! He uses it for some reason even though there must be 6 of the things laying around his room! I have a little fridge in the closet of my room so I can keep some beers and pop in it because if I leave them in the kitchen fridge he drinks them all over night. </p><p></p><p>My ex wife still tries to engage with him on occasions when he stays with her. She tries to be fun and joke around with him. There’s been a couple occasions when we’ve all been together and it drives me nuts when she does this because she can’t seem to see how it invariably devolves into an argument - he can’t stand any hint of humour at his expense. He’ll do something. She’ll make an innocuous little joke comment about it. He’ll make a comment back...then her turn...and gradually he gets more and more annoyed (which I can sense but my ex apparently can’t) and eventually everyone is fighting. I’ve learned that you just can’t have any sort of normal interaction with him. On a daily basis, I might actually say ten words to him...stuff like “are you riding with me this morning?” To which his response is usually “no <img src="/community/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/2012/censored2.gif" class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":censored2:" title="censored2 :censored2:" data-shortname=":censored2:" /> go away!”</p><p></p><p>He’s started seeing a girl about 8 months ago, and it’s actually had some positive effect. She’s a good student, and he’s been making a bit more effort at school in order to keep up with her. Of course he wants to have her over constantly which is really a pain because I don’t want her over unless i’m home too. I know he’s sexually active and I hate the idea of them getting busy in my place. I know they’ll likely find ways no matter what but I don’t feel like I need to make it easy. I let him have her over one or two evenings a week...I hate watching them cozy up in his room for several hours but I put up with it. I make an effort to keep them guessing as to when I might walk by and look in on them. Best I can do...</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="CDN_DAD_in_tough, post: 729717, member: 21175"] I don’t know if i’d call it patience really. It’s mostly just a survival mechanism. I have some hope that there will be a time when he wakes up and realizes that he can’t go through life this way, but we’ll see. He’s basically pathologically selfish - there seems to never be a time when he pauses and considers the effects his actions have on other people. All that matters is whatever he wants at any given time and he’ll go to pretty extreme lengths if he doesn’t get his way. He also has significant boundary issues. Anything sitting around in any common area is considered by him to be free for the taking if he decides he wants it. I keep my bedroom door locked whenever I go out and anything I don’t want him to have stays in there. I mean even my freakin deodorant stick in the bathroom! He uses it for some reason even though there must be 6 of the things laying around his room! I have a little fridge in the closet of my room so I can keep some beers and pop in it because if I leave them in the kitchen fridge he drinks them all over night. My ex wife still tries to engage with him on occasions when he stays with her. She tries to be fun and joke around with him. There’s been a couple occasions when we’ve all been together and it drives me nuts when she does this because she can’t seem to see how it invariably devolves into an argument - he can’t stand any hint of humour at his expense. He’ll do something. She’ll make an innocuous little joke comment about it. He’ll make a comment back...then her turn...and gradually he gets more and more annoyed (which I can sense but my ex apparently can’t) and eventually everyone is fighting. I’ve learned that you just can’t have any sort of normal interaction with him. On a daily basis, I might actually say ten words to him...stuff like “are you riding with me this morning?” To which his response is usually “no :censored2: go away!” He’s started seeing a girl about 8 months ago, and it’s actually had some positive effect. She’s a good student, and he’s been making a bit more effort at school in order to keep up with her. Of course he wants to have her over constantly which is really a pain because I don’t want her over unless i’m home too. I know he’s sexually active and I hate the idea of them getting busy in my place. I know they’ll likely find ways no matter what but I don’t feel like I need to make it easy. I let him have her over one or two evenings a week...I hate watching them cozy up in his room for several hours but I put up with it. I make an effort to keep them guessing as to when I might walk by and look in on them. Best I can do... [/QUOTE]
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