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General Parenting
16 Year Old Son Imploding
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<blockquote data-quote="BloodiedButUnbowed" data-source="post: 729722" data-attributes="member: 13303"><p>My oldest stepson is violent, willful and impervious to consequences - because he has never had any.</p><p></p><p>He does not live with us. His custodial parent, my wife's ex, gives him everything he wants for nothing.</p><p></p><p>We have tried to hold him accountable and have boundaries. His response has been to jettison us from his life. We are no contact by his choice. It is hard for us but we feel, ultimately, for the best.</p><p></p><p>He needed therapeutic residential care as a child. He never received it. Now he is, I am sorry to say, a ticking time bomb. A bomb that one day will go off.</p><p></p><p>The young men described by OP and CDN Dad sound very similar to my stepson.</p><p></p><p>There is recourse. Being a parent doesn't mean being a punching bag, or enduring criminal acts (assault is a criminal act), because "he's my kid."</p><p></p><p>Custody changes, the juvenile justice system, social services, all are imperfect options which take time to have an effect, BUT to my mind at least they are better than living at the mercy of a delinquent.</p><p></p><p>BB, I hope your son stays stable on his medications and is no longer violent. DS refuses his medications which did make a big difference for him as well. He could function then and was not violent, either.</p><p></p><p>But please do not sweep this under the rug. You, as a parent, are taking a big risk engaging physically with your child, no matter his size (although you say he is already larger and stronger than you which is a whole other layer of risk). Remember that if a child claims abuse he will be believed, as just one example, which could lead to horrible consequences for you. If you put your hands on him, technically speaking, that could put you at some risk of these type of allegations.</p><p></p><p>God bless you all, I am chilled hearing your stories. At one point I considered purchasing and learning to use a Taser in the event I had to protect my wife from her son. Thankfully it never came to that, but I was very serious. I witnessed him choke her which was terrifying, especially because he has the build of an NFL linebacker.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BloodiedButUnbowed, post: 729722, member: 13303"] My oldest stepson is violent, willful and impervious to consequences - because he has never had any. He does not live with us. His custodial parent, my wife's ex, gives him everything he wants for nothing. We have tried to hold him accountable and have boundaries. His response has been to jettison us from his life. We are no contact by his choice. It is hard for us but we feel, ultimately, for the best. He needed therapeutic residential care as a child. He never received it. Now he is, I am sorry to say, a ticking time bomb. A bomb that one day will go off. The young men described by OP and CDN Dad sound very similar to my stepson. There is recourse. Being a parent doesn't mean being a punching bag, or enduring criminal acts (assault is a criminal act), because "he's my kid." Custody changes, the juvenile justice system, social services, all are imperfect options which take time to have an effect, BUT to my mind at least they are better than living at the mercy of a delinquent. BB, I hope your son stays stable on his medications and is no longer violent. DS refuses his medications which did make a big difference for him as well. He could function then and was not violent, either. But please do not sweep this under the rug. You, as a parent, are taking a big risk engaging physically with your child, no matter his size (although you say he is already larger and stronger than you which is a whole other layer of risk). Remember that if a child claims abuse he will be believed, as just one example, which could lead to horrible consequences for you. If you put your hands on him, technically speaking, that could put you at some risk of these type of allegations. God bless you all, I am chilled hearing your stories. At one point I considered purchasing and learning to use a Taser in the event I had to protect my wife from her son. Thankfully it never came to that, but I was very serious. I witnessed him choke her which was terrifying, especially because he has the build of an NFL linebacker. [/QUOTE]
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