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Substance Abuse
17 yr old son, defiant and using
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<blockquote data-quote="toughlovin" data-source="post: 656256" data-attributes="member: 15801"><p>You are definitely not giving up on your son!!!. I have not been in exactly your shoes, but pretty close. We have been dealing with my sons drug (and behavior isssues) since he was 13. He is now 23. We did a lot to try and help him, got him into many programs - sometimes to avoid the punishment of the court. I think one thing I would do differently is to let the court be more involved sooner. Anyway we did kick our son out at age 18 because honestly letting him stay in the house, flagrantly violating any rules (minor ones at that) wasnt teaching him about life and was wrecking havoc on us and our younger daughter. It was a very tough time.</p><p></p><p>What I learned then and pass on to you now is you can still love him, you can let him know you love him, but once he is 18you dont have to let him continue to live in our house with total disrespect of you and your standards of living. </p><p></p><p>So when we kicked my son out I did text him often to let him know I loved him. At first I got no response but as soon as he got in trouble he called me, We have continued to show him support and love even through some jail time and some time on the streets. We never gave up on him, although we did stop protecting him from himself and let both jail and homelessness happen.</p><p></p><p>Now he is 23 and has been working in a job he likes since January. I cant say things are perfect and he is not sober, but he is doing better than he has in the past. And our relationship is much much better. Our tough line did not ruin our relationship and at this points he knows we love him, and he knows his own actions got him into the trouble he has been in. </p><p></p><p>You absolutely need to take care of your relationship with your wife, and also her children. One thing I got to, through all that we have been through is that I cannot let my son ruin my life. He may ruin his own, I have no control over that but I cant tet him ruin mine.</p><p></p><p>TL</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="toughlovin, post: 656256, member: 15801"] You are definitely not giving up on your son!!!. I have not been in exactly your shoes, but pretty close. We have been dealing with my sons drug (and behavior isssues) since he was 13. He is now 23. We did a lot to try and help him, got him into many programs - sometimes to avoid the punishment of the court. I think one thing I would do differently is to let the court be more involved sooner. Anyway we did kick our son out at age 18 because honestly letting him stay in the house, flagrantly violating any rules (minor ones at that) wasnt teaching him about life and was wrecking havoc on us and our younger daughter. It was a very tough time. What I learned then and pass on to you now is you can still love him, you can let him know you love him, but once he is 18you dont have to let him continue to live in our house with total disrespect of you and your standards of living. So when we kicked my son out I did text him often to let him know I loved him. At first I got no response but as soon as he got in trouble he called me, We have continued to show him support and love even through some jail time and some time on the streets. We never gave up on him, although we did stop protecting him from himself and let both jail and homelessness happen. Now he is 23 and has been working in a job he likes since January. I cant say things are perfect and he is not sober, but he is doing better than he has in the past. And our relationship is much much better. Our tough line did not ruin our relationship and at this points he knows we love him, and he knows his own actions got him into the trouble he has been in. You absolutely need to take care of your relationship with your wife, and also her children. One thing I got to, through all that we have been through is that I cannot let my son ruin my life. He may ruin his own, I have no control over that but I cant tet him ruin mine. TL [/QUOTE]
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17 yr old son, defiant and using
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