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17 yr old son hanging out with members of a gang and doing drugs
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 675285" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>I think the research says that male brains do not develop fully until about 27 or 28, and sometimes later.</p><p></p><p>I worked in prisons many years and I saw that that was the age that there was a huge drop off in recidivism. I asked them what changed. They said something like: It used to be fun. Now it is not. It's not worth it anymore. And they changed. </p><p></p><p>Ask yourself this: With all of your worrying and trying, have you been successful? Do you think there is something that you still have in your arsenal as a parent that stands a chance of working? There may be. </p><p></p><p>If he does not want to go straight, how will you get to him?</p><p></p><p>What about Job Corps? Or the military? Both options are very effective with young men such as your son. Or even college. There may be some program that appeals to him. </p><p></p><p>My son went to Job Corps when he was 18. I made the mistake of letting him come back home. He did not leave again until he was 23 or just 24. </p><p></p><p>The thing that most of us had to face is that we are powerless to help them. They must help themselves. If you offer him a range of possibilities, and let him know that you support him, that might be an option. Except th.ere may be risks, both to him and to you.</p><p></p><p>First there is the danger. If you believe he is using dangerous and/or illegal drugs, there is that.</p><p></p><p>Realize that if you provide support you may subsidize bad behavior. And as long as he remains in your house and he continues to do risky things that you know about...it could be argued that you are responsible, perhaps even condoning it. </p><p></p><p>I know how hard this may be to read. I hope I am not being harsh. </p><p></p><p>Perhaps with the police or probation department or the district attorney you can speak to people that work in early intervention, for youth who might turn to gangs. There has to be people like this that you can turn to. Or the school may have some idea. They are still responsible to some extent, even though he is not in school. </p><p></p><p>What about insisting he return to school? Could you do that? The problem is this: Where is your leverage? </p><p></p><p>Keep posting. It is slow here at night. Many more people are on the board from say 7 am Eastern time to 4 pm Eastern. You will get a variety of responses. Why not post a thread on Substance Abuse, and maybe on P.E. Because in a sense your son is already independent. That is part of the issue, I think.</p><p></p><p>Take care. So many of us have been over our heads, feeling how you do. Nowhere to turn. Desperate, even. Believe me. You will do this. You will get through this.</p><p></p><p>COPA</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 675285, member: 18958"] I think the research says that male brains do not develop fully until about 27 or 28, and sometimes later. I worked in prisons many years and I saw that that was the age that there was a huge drop off in recidivism. I asked them what changed. They said something like: It used to be fun. Now it is not. It's not worth it anymore. And they changed. Ask yourself this: With all of your worrying and trying, have you been successful? Do you think there is something that you still have in your arsenal as a parent that stands a chance of working? There may be. If he does not want to go straight, how will you get to him? What about Job Corps? Or the military? Both options are very effective with young men such as your son. Or even college. There may be some program that appeals to him. My son went to Job Corps when he was 18. I made the mistake of letting him come back home. He did not leave again until he was 23 or just 24. The thing that most of us had to face is that we are powerless to help them. They must help themselves. If you offer him a range of possibilities, and let him know that you support him, that might be an option. Except th.ere may be risks, both to him and to you. First there is the danger. If you believe he is using dangerous and/or illegal drugs, there is that. Realize that if you provide support you may subsidize bad behavior. And as long as he remains in your house and he continues to do risky things that you know about...it could be argued that you are responsible, perhaps even condoning it. I know how hard this may be to read. I hope I am not being harsh. Perhaps with the police or probation department or the district attorney you can speak to people that work in early intervention, for youth who might turn to gangs. There has to be people like this that you can turn to. Or the school may have some idea. They are still responsible to some extent, even though he is not in school. What about insisting he return to school? Could you do that? The problem is this: Where is your leverage? Keep posting. It is slow here at night. Many more people are on the board from say 7 am Eastern time to 4 pm Eastern. You will get a variety of responses. Why not post a thread on Substance Abuse, and maybe on P.E. Because in a sense your son is already independent. That is part of the issue, I think. Take care. So many of us have been over our heads, feeling how you do. Nowhere to turn. Desperate, even. Believe me. You will do this. You will get through this. COPA [/QUOTE]
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