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Substance Abuse
18 year old difficult child, homeless for 5 days and then arrested, it's a nightmare
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<blockquote data-quote="toughlovin" data-source="post: 485943"><p>Pinevalley,</p><p></p><p>Hugs... this is hard. I have so been where you are at... my story is similar although we are much further down the road. </p><p></p><p>First your son probably faces charges that can carry a jail sentance but my experience with the courts is it is very unlikely he will actually do jail time for this first offense. It took about 5 offenses before he actually got his bail revoked and spent two weeks in jail. That was actually a good thing because it took away all his tough guy bravado and he learned he really doesn't want to spend time in jail. That was the first time he went to rehab....that helped some.... but he did relapse and has recently spent another time in rehab in another state.... went to a sober house, got kicked out of there, ended up on the street at night and was desperate and went back to detox. He is now at another sober house and seems to be trying harder this time but time will tell.</p><p></p><p>I know my story is not exactly hopeful because my son certainly didn't get it the first time and I am not sure he has got it now.... however I have gotten to a different place. </p><p></p><p>So here are my thoughts.... it is fine to help out with a lawyer to a point but think about your lmits too. Same with paying for rehab. Think about how to get him help this time, he is still young... but he has an attitude. He is probably going to need some serious attitude adjustment to make progress... and that attitude adjustment may come from the hard realities of the legal system and from being homeless. My son has experienced both of these for short times and I believe it scares him. Ths time around he is in rehab because of his own volitioin... no deals from us, no coaxing from us..... this is becuase he doesn't know what else to do.</p><p></p><p>So I suggest you keep setting the limits about not letting him live in your home until he gets help.... but then it is up to him. He is 18 and legally an adult... you cant control him or really direct his life anymore. It is so hard to let go.... but that is gong to be part of your process.... get help with that. A therapist can be helpful. Alanon can be very helpful, we found a wonderful parents alanon group that has helped me a lot. I think the sooner yuo let him discover that he doesnt really know how to play the game, that the game really isn't so much fun, the sooner he will want help.</p><p></p><p>It is a tough tough place to be as a parent.</p><p></p><p>TL</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="toughlovin, post: 485943"] Pinevalley, Hugs... this is hard. I have so been where you are at... my story is similar although we are much further down the road. First your son probably faces charges that can carry a jail sentance but my experience with the courts is it is very unlikely he will actually do jail time for this first offense. It took about 5 offenses before he actually got his bail revoked and spent two weeks in jail. That was actually a good thing because it took away all his tough guy bravado and he learned he really doesn't want to spend time in jail. That was the first time he went to rehab....that helped some.... but he did relapse and has recently spent another time in rehab in another state.... went to a sober house, got kicked out of there, ended up on the street at night and was desperate and went back to detox. He is now at another sober house and seems to be trying harder this time but time will tell. I know my story is not exactly hopeful because my son certainly didn't get it the first time and I am not sure he has got it now.... however I have gotten to a different place. So here are my thoughts.... it is fine to help out with a lawyer to a point but think about your lmits too. Same with paying for rehab. Think about how to get him help this time, he is still young... but he has an attitude. He is probably going to need some serious attitude adjustment to make progress... and that attitude adjustment may come from the hard realities of the legal system and from being homeless. My son has experienced both of these for short times and I believe it scares him. Ths time around he is in rehab because of his own volitioin... no deals from us, no coaxing from us..... this is becuase he doesn't know what else to do. So I suggest you keep setting the limits about not letting him live in your home until he gets help.... but then it is up to him. He is 18 and legally an adult... you cant control him or really direct his life anymore. It is so hard to let go.... but that is gong to be part of your process.... get help with that. A therapist can be helpful. Alanon can be very helpful, we found a wonderful parents alanon group that has helped me a lot. I think the sooner yuo let him discover that he doesnt really know how to play the game, that the game really isn't so much fun, the sooner he will want help. It is a tough tough place to be as a parent. TL [/QUOTE]
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18 year old difficult child, homeless for 5 days and then arrested, it's a nightmare
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