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18year old dating a 14 year old
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<blockquote data-quote="toughlovin" data-source="post: 433750"><p>Oh this sounds like a big worry.... i know my son used to get really annoyed with me when I would ask how old the girl was that he was seeing.... he was very upset with me once when I would not let him go "hang" out with some girls quite a bit younger than him. </p><p></p><p>I think tough love only works when you are setting limits around what you will or won't do, or put up with. I think it mostly makes sense with substance abuse and/or violent or out and out defiant behavior. I don't think it works well with limits on their relationships.... and tough love partly works to give you space and peace in your home.</p><p></p><p>I think in general forbidding an 18 year old a friendship or romance almost always backfires as it has in your case. I think this is because at this age their friends are more important to them than their parents, and so given a choice they will choose their friends. </p><p></p><p>What I would suggest at this point is that you reach out somehow to him to rebuild your relationship and then if you can let him know what your very real concerns are. I would find out the age of consent in your state... if someone is under the age of consent then they are too young to legally consent to sex.... and so if you son had sex with them he could be charged with statutory rape. This could be a huge issue if she or her mom gets upset with him or if she was to get pregnant. So if when you talk to him you could let him know you love him but this is why you are concerned, maybe he will listen and maybe not.</p><p></p><p>It think it is hard with our young adults living at home... because of course there needs to be rules but we also need to be careful that our rules are not just trying to control what they do as at this point they feel they are free to make their own life choices and in some sense legally they are.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="toughlovin, post: 433750"] Oh this sounds like a big worry.... i know my son used to get really annoyed with me when I would ask how old the girl was that he was seeing.... he was very upset with me once when I would not let him go "hang" out with some girls quite a bit younger than him. I think tough love only works when you are setting limits around what you will or won't do, or put up with. I think it mostly makes sense with substance abuse and/or violent or out and out defiant behavior. I don't think it works well with limits on their relationships.... and tough love partly works to give you space and peace in your home. I think in general forbidding an 18 year old a friendship or romance almost always backfires as it has in your case. I think this is because at this age their friends are more important to them than their parents, and so given a choice they will choose their friends. What I would suggest at this point is that you reach out somehow to him to rebuild your relationship and then if you can let him know what your very real concerns are. I would find out the age of consent in your state... if someone is under the age of consent then they are too young to legally consent to sex.... and so if you son had sex with them he could be charged with statutory rape. This could be a huge issue if she or her mom gets upset with him or if she was to get pregnant. So if when you talk to him you could let him know you love him but this is why you are concerned, maybe he will listen and maybe not. It think it is hard with our young adults living at home... because of course there needs to be rules but we also need to be careful that our rules are not just trying to control what they do as at this point they feel they are free to make their own life choices and in some sense legally they are. [/QUOTE]
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