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<blockquote data-quote="New Leaf" data-source="post: 765776" data-attributes="member: 19522">Hi Letgo,Thank you for your kind words. I was the same way and have to be careful not to slip back to knee jerk reactions and dwell on what I have no control over. There was a time I went no contact with Tornado, it became toxic for me to engage and I just needed space from all the drama. Now I speak with her but set boundaries as far as anything that feels manipulative. I used to be so afraid when she was in one of her rehab stints that something I would say or do or not do would cause a relapse. Now, I just tell her I love her and that she is an adult and there are many resources she can avail herself of. Which, turns out to be true. She’s had setbacks, and I do feel sad but am learning to let that go. It’s hard to see our loved ones making terrible choices. We didn’t raise them to struggle so. Detaching is many things. Not a linear process, that’s for sure. What helps me is to focus on detaching from behaviors and outcomes so that I don’t feel the consequences more than my daughters do. One never knows what could motivate someone to pivot. Tornado could have served her sentence by now, but keeps violating her parole. That’s actually a Godsend. Each time she goes through rehab, is a chance for her to find her potential. I pray for that and am cautiously optimistic, but have to be careful with my heart. No worries. (Sorry New Life). I often go off on side notes. I think we all do. Main thing is we are able to support one another with kindness.Have a peaceful weekend.New Leaf</blockquote>

[QUOTE="New Leaf, post: 765776, member: 19522"] Hi Letgo, Thank you for your kind words. I was the same way and have to be careful not to slip back to knee jerk reactions and dwell on what I have no control over. There was a time I went no contact with Tornado, it became toxic for me to engage and I just needed space from all the drama. Now I speak with her but set boundaries as far as anything that feels manipulative. I used to be so afraid when she was in one of her rehab stints that something I would say or do or not do would cause a relapse. Now, I just tell her I love her and that she is an adult and there are many resources she can avail herself of. Which, turns out to be true. She’s had setbacks, and I do feel sad but am learning to let that go. It’s hard to see our loved ones making terrible choices. We didn’t raise them to struggle so. Detaching is many things. Not a linear process, that’s for sure. What helps me is to focus on detaching from behaviors and outcomes so that I don’t feel the consequences more than my daughters do. One never knows what could motivate someone to pivot. Tornado could have served her sentence by now, but keeps violating her parole. That’s actually a Godsend. Each time she goes through rehab, is a chance for her to find her potential. I pray for that and am cautiously optimistic, but have to be careful with my heart. No worries. (Sorry New Life). I often go off on side notes. I think we all do. Main thing is we are able to support one another with kindness. Have a peaceful weekend. New Leaf [/QUOTE]

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