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19 year old homeless son
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<blockquote data-quote="SeekingStrength" data-source="post: 648995" data-attributes="member: 17635"><p>Step,</p><p></p><p>I am so sorry you feel the guilt, and completely get it. Boy, howdee, do I.</p><p></p><p>We feel the guilt until we decided not to. Our difficult children often <strong>want</strong> us to feel guilt. <strong>That is exactly where they want us. </strong>(This is totally based on our experience).</p><p></p><p>I cannot even remember how long husband and I volleyed guilt around about our oldest son (now 33). It was <strong>at least</strong> ten years. We did not begin the process of ditching the guilt until I stumbled (?) onto this forum. We never dreamed it was okay (even that perhaps it would be a blessing for difficult child) until I found this place. We thought we deserved it. Who else's fault could our son's problems possibly be? Of course, it was on us. We did not do enough, try enough, demand enough, see the signs clearly enough. Gee whiz....it overwhelms me just to think back on the agony husband and I put ourselves through.</p><p></p><p>And, you know? You can slowly work your away from THE. GUILT. We very slowly started seeing it was not our fault.</p><p></p><p>Are we still sad for how things turned out for our son? Absolutely. <strong>But, we did not cause this</strong>. We tried everything we knew to help him turn his ship around.</p><p></p><p>Today, as far as we know, that has not happened. But, our lives are better. We pray for him every day and love him.</p><p></p><p>At the beginning of each new day, it <strong>his choice</strong> how his life goes.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="SeekingStrength, post: 648995, member: 17635"] Step, I am so sorry you feel the guilt, and completely get it. Boy, howdee, do I. We feel the guilt until we decided not to. Our difficult children often [B]want[/B] us to feel guilt. [B]That is exactly where they want us. [/B](This is totally based on our experience). I cannot even remember how long husband and I volleyed guilt around about our oldest son (now 33). It was [B]at least[/B] ten years. We did not begin the process of ditching the guilt until I stumbled (?) onto this forum. We never dreamed it was okay (even that perhaps it would be a blessing for difficult child) until I found this place. We thought we deserved it. Who else's fault could our son's problems possibly be? Of course, it was on us. We did not do enough, try enough, demand enough, see the signs clearly enough. Gee whiz....it overwhelms me just to think back on the agony husband and I put ourselves through. And, you know? You can slowly work your away from THE. GUILT. We very slowly started seeing it was not our fault. Are we still sad for how things turned out for our son? Absolutely. [B]But, we did not cause this[/B]. We tried everything we knew to help him turn his ship around. Today, as far as we know, that has not happened. But, our lives are better. We pray for him every day and love him. At the beginning of each new day, it [B]his choice[/B] how his life goes. [/QUOTE]
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