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<blockquote data-quote="Star*" data-source="post: 484576" data-attributes="member: 4964"><p>Peppie - </p><p></p><p>After a while? Blunt isn't a laced cigar - you just don't have time for poo poo advice. lol. As far as the stolen money? I think that would set my hair on fire. I know it would, and with that? I put locks on all our doors, put any and all cash and loose coin in a safe, put Master brand locks on all our out buildings, changed the codes to all the alarms, put anti-credit card slip window locks (because most window locks can be opened with a library card) on all our windows, planted holly and cacti under most of our windows put bicycle chain locks on all the ladders put pad locks on all the gates and basically told difficult child - WHEN I AM HOME? I don't trust you - I'll be watching every move and if you steal from ME? I'll turn you in. This was NOT a lie because when he did steal? We turned him into the police and he now has a felony record. We hid nothing. Probably not our greatest parent moment and no, I'm not sure if I had it to do over I'd do the same thing - what's done is done. But for my sanity? If it was of value? It went in a box, and got locked up in a room and to this day is still locked up and boxed up. My house looks like I could move any day - Got used to it that way - and I'm too tired or was too depressed at one time to unbox it. He's been out three years. Now I'd like to move. </p><p></p><p>As far as his room? Well he shared it with his brother (our son that died -not my natural born son but our son all the same) and it took me nearly two years to change a thing. I cried the day I painted the walls. He had called me, asked me why I was crying - I told him; we talked, and it was a good conversation. When he left? He told us he wanted to go live with his bio-dad. Okay - since you don't know me - this was NOT a good thing. Bio dad is a psychopath/sociopath/drug addict/woman abuser with a long history of nearly everything bad and a prison record. The man superceded abuse and was torturous to both myself and my son "Dude" and I left, went into hiding for nearly 15 years. So imagine MY horror when he decided to go live with this monster. After only three weeks of being there the lovely Daddy Disney had stolen, lied, manipulated and instead of providing the loving home from an absence of 15 years without a son he longed for -he broke what little he did have then proceeded to beat my son with his fists and a baseball bat. This ridiculous dance of a relationship would last another year and a half with his provisions of a home and food /lifestyle being dumpster diving for food - no electricity, no water, no clean clothes, and a roach and rat infested, house with drug addicts and police, swat teams and things you only see on episodes of COPS - once again - in the mix - my son not believing me - he chose that life and went off with his little dog to live in the park, under bridges, couch surf, and found out that eating out of dumpsters, trash cans, dining and dashing - and just not being taken care of - and loved was NOT a life. When he did call - he was too ashamed to ask for anything. In three years I only sent one box of clothes for an interview - NO CHristmas or birthday -----NOTHING. This was tough love at it's finest. Twice we sent money because he was starving and had just gotten out of the hospital. (verified of course) - needed prescriptions - and then we told him where to go and paid for those over the phone. I did pay three times for his phone bill to make sure I knew he was alive - considering whom he was living with and around? I felt that was imperative. </p><p></p><p>NOW? He's greatful and honest about his life. He's trying - and wants things in life. He isn't perfect, but I don't get the foul language, I don't get the in your face BS, and while I still get the depression I don't get the player who manipulates me I get an honest person who has issues and depression - who can be suicidal, but tries to cope the best way he can and admits he has problems and needs help - but struggles. He's drug free, and for that we're blessed. </p><p></p><p>As for coming home? He'd love to - He's told us that, but also told us he KNOWS it will never happen, he's 21, and he's a grown man and has to make it on his own now....this is on him. To hear that? Was nothing short of amazing.....I'm not saying again - he's fixed or cured or over the top ------I AM saying he's trying harder and we are proud of him. He's proud of himself for the first time in a long time because the things he's doing now? He's doing ON HIS OWN....that counts for a lot. There is no time for laying around, playing games, eating my food......not helping out....being mouthy......He's on his own and is responsible for it all......and that's not easy and now he knows it. Reality bites and it took a big old bite right out of his backside and while it absolutely killed me to close my eyes and let it happen because I really do NOT know any other kid that I feel as sorry for as I do my own so for the things that have happened to in a persons life ? I had to let this happen....I had to let go - I had to let God.....and I had to quit butting in.....</p><p></p><p>DId it kill me? ABSOLUTELY. Did I WANT to rush in and down and save him and fix it, and send cash and food and save the day - and on and on and did it make me physically ill to hear "I just had a meal out of a dumpster?" - (pauses to get tissue) Yes. And no - because HE made the decision to do all these things - I mean maccaroni and hotdogs are not necessarily the grandest meal but when you are trying to provide for all the things a teen needs and not give to yourself so you can stretch a buck------yeah I think that's better than a dumpster meal. I just had to know -------THIS is his life......I've lived mine. I made my mistakes -and now he gets the chance to have his stories to tell in ten years....to his friends about Yeah when I was a teen.......a real idiot....and probably none of it will be "But thanks to my MOM." lol It's just the part I get to play - </p><p></p><p>So as far as getting your son out? </p><p>Get yourself a therapist....first</p><p>Talk about the EXIT plan with him/her......HONESTLY - it's the best plan....</p><p>Stick to your plan........</p><p>Stick to your plan.........</p><p>Stick to your plan........</p><p>Come here for support.......</p><p>Don't chicken out..............</p><p>Be empowered by the stories of the other parents here.........and know it CAN be done......you CAN do it.......it DOES stink........THEY DO survive........and you WILL make it........so will THEY. </p><p></p><p>And read the post and do the things suggested.......starting with locks on the doors.....and keep the keys on your wrist........and hide all your money and get yourself a safe......get in the habit of locking your door even if you only plan on being out for a second...make it a good lock too.....the cheap ones they can get in and out of with a library card too.....trust me - I raised Houdini.....</p><p></p><p>Hugs</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Star*, post: 484576, member: 4964"] Peppie - After a while? Blunt isn't a laced cigar - you just don't have time for poo poo advice. lol. As far as the stolen money? I think that would set my hair on fire. I know it would, and with that? I put locks on all our doors, put any and all cash and loose coin in a safe, put Master brand locks on all our out buildings, changed the codes to all the alarms, put anti-credit card slip window locks (because most window locks can be opened with a library card) on all our windows, planted holly and cacti under most of our windows put bicycle chain locks on all the ladders put pad locks on all the gates and basically told difficult child - WHEN I AM HOME? I don't trust you - I'll be watching every move and if you steal from ME? I'll turn you in. This was NOT a lie because when he did steal? We turned him into the police and he now has a felony record. We hid nothing. Probably not our greatest parent moment and no, I'm not sure if I had it to do over I'd do the same thing - what's done is done. But for my sanity? If it was of value? It went in a box, and got locked up in a room and to this day is still locked up and boxed up. My house looks like I could move any day - Got used to it that way - and I'm too tired or was too depressed at one time to unbox it. He's been out three years. Now I'd like to move. As far as his room? Well he shared it with his brother (our son that died -not my natural born son but our son all the same) and it took me nearly two years to change a thing. I cried the day I painted the walls. He had called me, asked me why I was crying - I told him; we talked, and it was a good conversation. When he left? He told us he wanted to go live with his bio-dad. Okay - since you don't know me - this was NOT a good thing. Bio dad is a psychopath/sociopath/drug addict/woman abuser with a long history of nearly everything bad and a prison record. The man superceded abuse and was torturous to both myself and my son "Dude" and I left, went into hiding for nearly 15 years. So imagine MY horror when he decided to go live with this monster. After only three weeks of being there the lovely Daddy Disney had stolen, lied, manipulated and instead of providing the loving home from an absence of 15 years without a son he longed for -he broke what little he did have then proceeded to beat my son with his fists and a baseball bat. This ridiculous dance of a relationship would last another year and a half with his provisions of a home and food /lifestyle being dumpster diving for food - no electricity, no water, no clean clothes, and a roach and rat infested, house with drug addicts and police, swat teams and things you only see on episodes of COPS - once again - in the mix - my son not believing me - he chose that life and went off with his little dog to live in the park, under bridges, couch surf, and found out that eating out of dumpsters, trash cans, dining and dashing - and just not being taken care of - and loved was NOT a life. When he did call - he was too ashamed to ask for anything. In three years I only sent one box of clothes for an interview - NO CHristmas or birthday -----NOTHING. This was tough love at it's finest. Twice we sent money because he was starving and had just gotten out of the hospital. (verified of course) - needed prescriptions - and then we told him where to go and paid for those over the phone. I did pay three times for his phone bill to make sure I knew he was alive - considering whom he was living with and around? I felt that was imperative. NOW? He's greatful and honest about his life. He's trying - and wants things in life. He isn't perfect, but I don't get the foul language, I don't get the in your face BS, and while I still get the depression I don't get the player who manipulates me I get an honest person who has issues and depression - who can be suicidal, but tries to cope the best way he can and admits he has problems and needs help - but struggles. He's drug free, and for that we're blessed. As for coming home? He'd love to - He's told us that, but also told us he KNOWS it will never happen, he's 21, and he's a grown man and has to make it on his own now....this is on him. To hear that? Was nothing short of amazing.....I'm not saying again - he's fixed or cured or over the top ------I AM saying he's trying harder and we are proud of him. He's proud of himself for the first time in a long time because the things he's doing now? He's doing ON HIS OWN....that counts for a lot. There is no time for laying around, playing games, eating my food......not helping out....being mouthy......He's on his own and is responsible for it all......and that's not easy and now he knows it. Reality bites and it took a big old bite right out of his backside and while it absolutely killed me to close my eyes and let it happen because I really do NOT know any other kid that I feel as sorry for as I do my own so for the things that have happened to in a persons life ? I had to let this happen....I had to let go - I had to let God.....and I had to quit butting in..... DId it kill me? ABSOLUTELY. Did I WANT to rush in and down and save him and fix it, and send cash and food and save the day - and on and on and did it make me physically ill to hear "I just had a meal out of a dumpster?" - (pauses to get tissue) Yes. And no - because HE made the decision to do all these things - I mean maccaroni and hotdogs are not necessarily the grandest meal but when you are trying to provide for all the things a teen needs and not give to yourself so you can stretch a buck------yeah I think that's better than a dumpster meal. I just had to know -------THIS is his life......I've lived mine. I made my mistakes -and now he gets the chance to have his stories to tell in ten years....to his friends about Yeah when I was a teen.......a real idiot....and probably none of it will be "But thanks to my MOM." lol It's just the part I get to play - So as far as getting your son out? Get yourself a therapist....first Talk about the EXIT plan with him/her......HONESTLY - it's the best plan.... Stick to your plan........ Stick to your plan......... Stick to your plan........ Come here for support....... Don't chicken out.............. Be empowered by the stories of the other parents here.........and know it CAN be done......you CAN do it.......it DOES stink........THEY DO survive........and you WILL make it........so will THEY. And read the post and do the things suggested.......starting with locks on the doors.....and keep the keys on your wrist........and hide all your money and get yourself a safe......get in the habit of locking your door even if you only plan on being out for a second...make it a good lock too.....the cheap ones they can get in and out of with a library card too.....trust me - I raised Houdini..... Hugs [/QUOTE]
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