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Parent Emeritus
21-year-old pregnant, we are overwhelmed
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 765044" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>I believe and I know that your husband is right.</p><p></p><p>This is so. </p><p>My view is that if you and your husband together were willing to adopt the baby with no strings attached, by your daughter, that would be the only arrangement that could work. What no strings attached would mean is that you would have full and complete legal custody, without agreeing to visitation or any other condition set by your daughter.</p><p>There is no other arrangement that would not be a tyranny to you and your husband.</p><p>Your daughter has the complete right to make a decision about whether or not to become a parent. If she decides to do so, she and she alone is responsible for making it work. Most babies are born into marginally satisfactory situations. That your daughter would choose to become a parent when she is unable to responsibly provide for and parent a child does not make you responsible. Especially if it means to sacrifice yourself, your life and your marriage.</p><p>Almost every parent who posts here as tried to take responsibility to change or correct the behaviors and circumstances of their adult children. It has never ever worked. It only means we are weighed down in every conceivable way. We sacrifice ourselves, and we can't save our children, and ultimately we can't save our grandchildren, unless we take on their care until they grow up. And if we choose to do that without a legally binding free and clear arrangment, we end up being victimized by our children and their child is victimized too.</p><p>I urge you to go to psychotherapy to try to work through your feelings and to make a decision that serves the greater good of all.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 765044, member: 18958"] I believe and I know that your husband is right. This is so. My view is that if you and your husband together were willing to adopt the baby with no strings attached, by your daughter, that would be the only arrangement that could work. What no strings attached would mean is that you would have full and complete legal custody, without agreeing to visitation or any other condition set by your daughter. There is no other arrangement that would not be a tyranny to you and your husband. Your daughter has the complete right to make a decision about whether or not to become a parent. If she decides to do so, she and she alone is responsible for making it work. Most babies are born into marginally satisfactory situations. That your daughter would choose to become a parent when she is unable to responsibly provide for and parent a child does not make you responsible. Especially if it means to sacrifice yourself, your life and your marriage. Almost every parent who posts here as tried to take responsibility to change or correct the behaviors and circumstances of their adult children. It has never ever worked. It only means we are weighed down in every conceivable way. We sacrifice ourselves, and we can't save our children, and ultimately we can't save our grandchildren, unless we take on their care until they grow up. And if we choose to do that without a legally binding free and clear arrangment, we end up being victimized by our children and their child is victimized too. I urge you to go to psychotherapy to try to work through your feelings and to make a decision that serves the greater good of all. [/QUOTE]
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21-year-old pregnant, we are overwhelmed
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