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Parent Support Forums
Parent Emeritus
28 yo son with Bipolar
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 732019" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>Hi beta and welcome.</p><p></p><p>Our stories are almost identical except my son was 22 months when I met him and is now 29. We struggle too in how to support him.</p><p></p><p>This is how I understand my son's situation. We are the only parents he has but he feels (and) has been seriously damaged and abused and abandoned and betrayed by his birth parents. I catch a lot of animus that is not mine to own.</p><p></p><p>He wants our support but on his terms.</p><p></p><p>The good news is that in the past years his anger and hostility towards me has moderated. He can be loving again.</p><p></p><p>The bad news is that he is defined and constrained and even motivated by his mental illness. I cannot get him to buy in to really seek and accept treatment or live in a way that I believe will help him surmount his limitations and pain.</p><p></p><p>This is the crux of the matter. My own acceptance that I cannot do anything to change him or to help him, really. And the really hard thing: to decide on boundaries that let me stay in the game but stay intact.</p><p></p><p>I see this as the purpose of this site. To decide where we stand and to maintain this ground. It is not easy. And each of us decides differently; because we are different, with different kids and lives</p><p></p><p>I type on a cell. When I get internet set up I will try to respond at length, with more specifics. Take care.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 732019, member: 18958"] Hi beta and welcome. Our stories are almost identical except my son was 22 months when I met him and is now 29. We struggle too in how to support him. This is how I understand my son's situation. We are the only parents he has but he feels (and) has been seriously damaged and abused and abandoned and betrayed by his birth parents. I catch a lot of animus that is not mine to own. He wants our support but on his terms. The good news is that in the past years his anger and hostility towards me has moderated. He can be loving again. The bad news is that he is defined and constrained and even motivated by his mental illness. I cannot get him to buy in to really seek and accept treatment or live in a way that I believe will help him surmount his limitations and pain. This is the crux of the matter. My own acceptance that I cannot do anything to change him or to help him, really. And the really hard thing: to decide on boundaries that let me stay in the game but stay intact. I see this as the purpose of this site. To decide where we stand and to maintain this ground. It is not easy. And each of us decides differently; because we are different, with different kids and lives I type on a cell. When I get internet set up I will try to respond at length, with more specifics. Take care. [/QUOTE]
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Parent Emeritus
28 yo son with Bipolar
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