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Substance Abuse
30 year old daughter has done horrible things to me
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<blockquote data-quote="Elsi" data-source="post: 741954" data-attributes="member: 23349"><p>Jenna this is so tough. You have truly gone above and beyond. I went down that same path, trying to help and finally realizing I was only enabling, and the more money and resources I gave the more out of control they got. It is like throwing money at a black hole. I bought cars, too - not 11, but that’s probably more due to my financial limitations than any particular strength or wisdom. It is so hard not to think ‘if I just do this one more thing they’ll be able to get back on their feet.” “If I don’t do this, they’ll be out of job and things will get worse and they’ll be homeless or on my couch - so I have no choice!” Or “I’ve invested so much in trying to help then reach independence already - if I don’t do this last thing to get them over the hump that investment will be wasted!” </p><p></p><p>We’ve both learned the fallacies in that thinking now. But I STILL get sucked in sometimes - most recently to get my eldest set up with the deposit and first months rent A room to get him off the street. It sounded so good. If he just had an address, he could get a job, and then he could take it from there. He sounded so ready to turn his life around. He was in the room less than two weeks before things fell apart with the people he was renting from. He didn’t even stay out the time he paid for. So much for that money. </p><p></p><p>Don’t think of being cut off from your granddaughter as punishment for mistakes. In all likelihood nothing you could have done would make a difference in your relationship with your daughter. She is using your granddaughter as a weapon. I agree with others who suggest you look into grandparents rights in your state and do what you can to maintain a connection. That little girl is going to need you. </p><p></p><p>Above all, forgive yourself for mistakes or perceived mistakes. There are no easy answers with our kids. You’ve done the best you could, it sounds like with lots of love.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Elsi, post: 741954, member: 23349"] Jenna this is so tough. You have truly gone above and beyond. I went down that same path, trying to help and finally realizing I was only enabling, and the more money and resources I gave the more out of control they got. It is like throwing money at a black hole. I bought cars, too - not 11, but that’s probably more due to my financial limitations than any particular strength or wisdom. It is so hard not to think ‘if I just do this one more thing they’ll be able to get back on their feet.” “If I don’t do this, they’ll be out of job and things will get worse and they’ll be homeless or on my couch - so I have no choice!” Or “I’ve invested so much in trying to help then reach independence already - if I don’t do this last thing to get them over the hump that investment will be wasted!” We’ve both learned the fallacies in that thinking now. But I STILL get sucked in sometimes - most recently to get my eldest set up with the deposit and first months rent A room to get him off the street. It sounded so good. If he just had an address, he could get a job, and then he could take it from there. He sounded so ready to turn his life around. He was in the room less than two weeks before things fell apart with the people he was renting from. He didn’t even stay out the time he paid for. So much for that money. Don’t think of being cut off from your granddaughter as punishment for mistakes. In all likelihood nothing you could have done would make a difference in your relationship with your daughter. She is using your granddaughter as a weapon. I agree with others who suggest you look into grandparents rights in your state and do what you can to maintain a connection. That little girl is going to need you. Above all, forgive yourself for mistakes or perceived mistakes. There are no easy answers with our kids. You’ve done the best you could, it sounds like with lots of love. [/QUOTE]
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30 year old daughter has done horrible things to me
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