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34 year old son is killing my soul
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<blockquote data-quote="beebz" data-source="post: 742040" data-attributes="member: 23451"><p>Ok, now I'm talking to myself. Anyway, browsing through the many forums, the similarities, pain, grief and hopelessness is so common.</p><p>My brother said to my mother, 20 or more years ago, after his 10th or so sobriety, "if I ever do that sh** again, I'm going to take enough to kill myself because I am sick of living this heroin life" - well, he didn't have to kill himself as he was murdered - a drug deal gone bad I suppose.</p><p>Now, my son, who is so bad off for so long said to me a few years ago "I don't plan on living much longer anyway" - and I believe that - sometimes I don't know which is worse - being homeless and on drugs or dead. In my brothers case, I was relieved he died because he didn't have to suffer anymore and I was worried for my parents safety as "drug-lords" would come to the house for money or beatings or theft and I used to have nightmares of my parents being executed by some dealer. So, when my brother died, I truly breathed a sigh of relief for their safety. What a horrid life to live. My sadness for my son right now is inconsolable . I am wasting away - I feel guilty thinking of "me" - but I've been robbed of so much for so long that I can't think straight at all. To everyone and anyone - thanks for listening.....</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="beebz, post: 742040, member: 23451"] Ok, now I'm talking to myself. Anyway, browsing through the many forums, the similarities, pain, grief and hopelessness is so common. My brother said to my mother, 20 or more years ago, after his 10th or so sobriety, "if I ever do that sh** again, I'm going to take enough to kill myself because I am sick of living this heroin life" - well, he didn't have to kill himself as he was murdered - a drug deal gone bad I suppose. Now, my son, who is so bad off for so long said to me a few years ago "I don't plan on living much longer anyway" - and I believe that - sometimes I don't know which is worse - being homeless and on drugs or dead. In my brothers case, I was relieved he died because he didn't have to suffer anymore and I was worried for my parents safety as "drug-lords" would come to the house for money or beatings or theft and I used to have nightmares of my parents being executed by some dealer. So, when my brother died, I truly breathed a sigh of relief for their safety. What a horrid life to live. My sadness for my son right now is inconsolable . I am wasting away - I feel guilty thinking of "me" - but I've been robbed of so much for so long that I can't think straight at all. To everyone and anyone - thanks for listening..... [/QUOTE]
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34 year old son is killing my soul
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